Thursday, August 9, 2007

Will Breathe For Money

Current mood: calm
Currently On My IPOD: The Hours: Phillip Glass

Young adult woman professional will breathe for money. Trained and certified breather available 24/7 with experience in short shallow breathing, slow deep exhales and inhales. Some Asthmatic experience, especially during flu and cold season. Only expects nominal fee per breath. If interested in hiring me, you can call me at 888-breathe

Does it ever feel as though you need to make an appointment with yourself to breath, or just to take the time out for what people call a "breather"? I do. all the time. I wish someone would pay me to do it so I wouldn't feel so guilty about taking time out of every minute to do so.

Follow me: Take a deep breath. Follow the breath as it travels up your trachea and out your mouth. Exhale again to expell the negative energy around you. Inhale and exhale, feel your body go numb. Breath. Recall what it felt like the last time you did nothing but inhale and exhale. Take a moment out of your day and relax.

Wouldn't life be easier if we all just lived and forgot about the responsibilities that hover around our heads. Play time, food time, nap time, play more time, arts and crafts, reading hour and then food time again before bed. My ideal schedule. One day..One day.

I saw a woman yelling at her children this afternoon. They had to hurry up. Right now! Hurry up, sit up, shut up. She went on and on until her husband finally yelled back at her telling her to calm down, sit down and relax. She started to cry. Why must we feel the dire need to accomplish everything everyday. Because that is the way we live. Everyone lives this way it seems. Honking, yelling, screaming, fighting etc. They need oxygen therapy for sure. I am guilty of this too, I am not saying this to be elitest or anything like that, I just think it needs to be said.

But for now, I will continue to be a pro breather without pay. Without want for anything but a break in the business of everything.

Yours in inhalation, inspiration and instigating an in-service for professional breathers everywhere.


1 comment:

Travis Erwin said...

I'm just guessing, but I think in order to be a professional breather, you have to be able to do it unassisted, all the time.

Sorry to burst your bubble.