Sunday, August 12, 2007


Another Dr. Seussism of Darkness
Current mood: calm
Category: Writing and Poetry

On my IPOD: Caught Up : Usher


By: Cicily Janus

The woman was tired of being fat and unable.
So she sat down at her short little table.

She called up her friend, who happened to be in the same sad state of affairs. And told her,
"My friend, you and I have to stop eating all of these Éclairs."

Her friend put the pastry down and stared at the phone. After all, how could her friend possibly have known?

A look of defeat fell upon her face, for it was at this very minute, the cream made of sugar and milk was traveling down her gastric journey of pleasure. But just like her friend, she knew that it was her waist line that she was deeply afraid to measure

The two of them went to a fat-doctor they found on the internet the very next day and enlisted his help, after all, they needed it in the very worst way.

He looked at them and smiled a slight, mustached-devilish grin,
"Ladies, your beauty is obvious, even if your pounds hide away the inner-thinness between your mounds. All I need is your patience and money and soon you will be one hot pair of honeys"

They looked at each other and smiled as no one had referred to them as "honey" in quite a while. But this doc was suave, good looking, smooth talking at best. His diploma looked real and his web site promised a weight loss quest.

The first part was easy, just an installment of one thousand smackeroos and he would give them a few dozen lessons on how to jump like kangaroos.

Burning calories and self esteem, the women jumped and jumped into the night. They began to feel so tired, but the pounds had to come off, he just had to be right.

The next day he weighed them on a brand new scale. "That's one pound down!" He said with a smile and they were beginning to feel a little less like whales.

But it was the second part that came as a surprise. A lettuce smoothie with grass, well…It would certainly be better than fat lady demise.

They drank one for morning and then at noon. The concoction was so thick, they had to use a spoon. The smell was horrid but the taste was worse, but the pounds will come off, the doc kept saying, it's better than a hearse!

They went back to see him with weary souls that were no longer in the mood to play. He had promised them that all of their weight would be lost in only five days.

He began to realize that they were on to his scheme and said,
"One more thousand down and the real trick will be revealed. You come with me for a toxic, chemical fat-burning peel!"

The women, sick, drained and broke, decided if he pulled one more trick they were going to kill the old bloke. He weighed them again and the pounds were actually coming off. They had lost a total of eight pounds down in three days, which was nothing to make them scoff.

The women were now convinced that maybe this really was a wizard of fat burning and they let the idea of his fraud stop churning. With a spring in their lighter little steps, they followed him down the hall and heaved their bodies onto the tables next to the wall.

Slowly, he poured on a substance which could only be described as vile. He backed out the door as he turned out the lights and said,

"Don't worry, relax, lay very still as this will only hurt for a little while."

They laid there for as long as they possibly could and after a while, they heard what sounded like the slamming of a hood. Yet it was the starting of the car that alarmed them so. Then the locking of a door that made them get up and go, go, go!

The hot wax dripped off their bodies as they ran after him that day. He had their money, self esteem and even the fat woman gone skinny display. The women ran as fast as they could, down Barnes Street and cut to the left on Fallows Avenue. But it was their hearts and lungs slowing them down faster than that waxy goo. This was the real solution instead of a trick. He got those fat girls running very, very quick. And in Colorado, they are still running to this day. But they are thinner now, in each and every way.

Yours in Exercise, Essential Fats and Extra Special People,


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