Currently on my IPOD: Girl, Destiny's Child
Hello my friends and family of cyber pixelized happiness,
At the moment I have enormous knots in my shoulders and I don't think that Arnold the "governator" himself could massage these out of me. Tension is building up and I am cracking at every little thing. A sobbing mess for most of the days. But today, I was lucky enough to be able to go into work and hang out with the other plasma monkeys in order to cheer me up.
In case you all didn't read my bulletin, here is the low down of what went on last Thursday at the doctor's office. The surgeon spent a very very long time with me and essentially called my abdomen a hostile environment. I told him that maybe we should send GW in there to see if he can solve the problem since he has done so well with the other wars around this world. Basically, I have diverticula in my colon and that explains my pain and he said might help explain the frequent queasiness too. But, he wasn't going to do anything else unless it started to cause major problems. I said that this was fine by me.
Anyway.. He then went on to the topic of my boobs. He said that the mass, which was reported as 1.2 cm was more like 1.8 cm and yes, looked worrisome. So he spoke with the radiologist who then ordered an ultrasound of the breast. This was not fun. It hurt and I had gel all over my boob by the end. Which isn't something I have tried before, no matter how kinky a gal gets, jelly on the boobs is not fun.
The radiologist said that the mass didn't look good, but didn't look cancerous. I felt instantly relieved and thought that this was going to be the end of my nightmare. I was wrong. He then told me that he should do a mammogram, given the family history and "just to see". I did one view of the breast and went to sit in the waiting room. Then the nurse came out and called me back in again and again and again. A different view everytime. My boob truly felt as if it had been run over by a car. My mom had sent me an email once that said that the only way a woman could ever prepare for one of these is to lie down naked on the floor of her garage and then have her spouse drive over her breast with the car. Yep, sums it all up...
Regardless after a few million pictures, the nurse came our and asked me to get dressed because the radiologist wanted to see me in his office. I went into his office and there were pictures of my breasts everywhere. LOL...Weirdo.. Just kidding, they were the films from the mammo. He said that the first view wasn't too bad but then on the other views he found what he called clusters of microcalcifications. He said that this was extremely worrisome. If you would have seen the look on his face you would have had the instant tears too. I began to cry. After all, looking at this mammo, I realized that this was the same way my mother's had looked by her description. Little tiny pin dots of cancer.
Then the radiologist told me, in his best, Father-Knows-Best voice, not to worry right now, we have to do a biopsy to be sure etc.. I begged, pleaded with him to do it that day, I didn't care if I had to sit in the waiting room until midnight. But due to the holiday weekend, the docs who could do this, including himself, were not going to be available until the week after. So, this Thursday I go in for another round of booby-time.
The biopsy they are going to do is a CORE biopsy and will be guided with a CT machine. He assured me that it wouldn't hurt too bad, after all they would numb up the skin pretty good. LOL.. I felt like asking him when the last time he had his boobs numbed and poked with a huge needle. Hmm.. maybe I should give him a taste of his own medicine. He told me I could get the results of the biopsy within 5-7 days from the surgeon, I have an appt with the surgeon on the 13th of Sept. for the results.
Until then I am not going to be friendly, I am not going to be in a good mood, although I might appear outwardly fine. After all, this is what matters at the moment. I need to be fine on the outside for now.
I just finished up a great book, Lullaby, by Chuck Palachnuik. It, of course, was fabulously out there by the end, not that you should expect anything else from him. Highly recommended. And as for those who entered the contest for the chuck book, I will be reading and responding soon.
Before the shit hits the fan.
Tonight, I am going to write. Write with a fury not known to my fingers in quite a while. I am going to also book a masseuse for one day this week to massage the stress out of my shoulders. Out of my day, out of my life for just one hour.
I hope you all enjoy your holiday weekend. Tomorrow is a new day and I can not tell each and every one of you enough, how thankful I am to have you as friends.
Yours in Consciousness, Continuing to Re-Think my Five Year Plan, and Can-Can's.