Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Mile O’ Men

Current mood: amused
Category: Parties and Nightlife

Currently on my IPOD: My Love is Your Love: Whitney "coked out and crazy" Houston

Good Morning,

I am, at the moment, eating a bowl of Fruit Loops, so you will have to excuse any typos as I am typing one handed, eating with the other and dripping milk down my chin. If you guys saw me now you would wonder when the short bus was going to arrive to pick me up for school.


Yesterday, I was on my way home from work and listening to the radio. NPR was having one of those weekly test drills where they blare a god-awful noise through your speakers as if to alert you to an Alien attack or something equally as devastating, like say, Paris Hilton's next arrest. So I decided to flip through to the local music stations. My piece of shit car doesn't have a CD player, so this was my only choice.

I tuned into 99.9, a station with all of "today's greatest hits and yesterday's favorites!" Yeah..whatever. Fergie was whining about how Big Girls Don't Cry..and then this advertisement from their morning "crew" came on...

LADIES: Get your groove on early on Friday Morning as we host our annual MILE OF MEN! Downtown, men will be lined up for one mile for you to peruse and choose! Choose your man that morning and party with him by that night. Don't miss out, this was a huge success last year, and we'd hate to see all those hot guys go home lonely.


What did they say? Thinking that I had just had a seizure instead of hearing those words I stayed tune. Sure enough, five minutes later, they ran the exact same advert.

Let me ask you this. Is it really that hard for a man (I have to take a bet that the target demographic for this add is young men and women between the ages of 18-25) to find a woman? OR is it really that hard for a woman to find a man in this day and age?

With all of the "internet" dating agencies like E-Harmony and Chemistry and then the clubs, schooling, etc.. really now, someone shouldn't have to go to a MILE OF MEN in order to find a date. What else do we need as a society to find a mate? Maybe we could have old fashioned courting ceremonies as the next big gimmick.

I think I should go on Friday just to take pictures of this travesty of societal norm. My guess is that it is going to be a bunch of girls dressed up like, as my grandmama would say, street walkers, at eight in the morning, pointing, laughing and waving their "junk" in guys faces. Who wouldn't like this? Maybe I should call in sick and stay for the duration to see who the losers are and then post them on my page to try to pick up literary chics....

If I were a guy, I would feel like the fat kid in gym, waiting to get picked for a Dodgeball team.

Stay tuned, I will try my best to come up with some pics of this Mile of desperate lonely, looking for a one night stand, men.

Have a great day and if you are lonely and want to participate in this search on the streets of Colorado Springs, I will be more than happy to pick you up at the airport.

Yours in Desperation, Dodgeball and Drowning in Fruit Loop Milk,


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