Waning Spirits and Other Rants about our Country, My life and Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream

Current mood: drained
Category: Life

Currently on my IPOD: Whatever It Is: Zac Brown Band

Dear Friends, Family and Strangers with Candy,

D-Day is coming up. I see the breast surgeon on Thursday, will probably have surgery or a biopsy, hopefully surgery, as I do not care to have that thing in me any more. I am sad to say that my happy-go-lucky spirit has been waning. I am tired and want to lie down and wake up without the looming problems of my life or the world.

Despite this, I have accomplished some things today. I finished my erotic thriller titled: The Wedding. This will be appearing in the first two issues of Venus Envy . I am proud of it, and also think that it is one of the best "thriller" pieces I have written.

I highly encourage all women to subscribe to this magazine, not only to support me and a dozen women writers and editors, give or take a few, but also for the content. Not only are there going to be interviews with strong women and movers and shakers of our world, but there will also be articles on health/sex issues, style, and literature for your reading pleasure. I am continuously amazed at what our editor in chief, Jackie Johnston, accomplishes in any given day and she is truly carving out a wonderful place for women to go to for information and entertainment. (Oh and BTW, Jackie is also the editor for WPJ: Writers Post Journal I am in the mega-current issue combining August and October. Check it out! My story, The List, is included. Will Harold cure his problems by accomplishing his list? Or will his list get to him before he can complete it? Subscribe to WPJ to find out what happens and to read many fabulous stories by writers around the country..)

Also, I need to encourage all you flash writers to submit your absurd and surreal stories to Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens We are still taking submissions for our next issue, which will be an online (normally we are a print zine) issue comprised of all flash works. We have accepted a few fantastic stories, but need more! I look forward to reading your works. And don't worry, we don't pay in chickens or their eggs.. or omelets. Although a ham, cheese, bacon and tomato omelet sounds good right about now... I digress...

Okay, now we will take a break from our sponsors to bring you the real story.

There are so many things I wish to improve upon in my life. For the most part, I have felt like a sloth in my friendships, actually, my relationships in general. My family has been ignored for countless hours, my friends, whom I had every intention of calling back tonight, I had about five calls today...were left in the dust so I could meet this deadline, and then I fell asleep prematurely which leaves me awake at this odd hour wondering if I will be awake enough to make it through the day tomorrow.

Regardless, I apologize to my friends as I am a horrible example of friendship. And I want to tell each and everyone of you that I am thinking of you and wish that all of your were here to sit with me, drink a glass or two or eight of wine tonight and to enjoy a game of scrabble, monopoly or dominoes and great conversation to keep my mind busy from the bad thoughts.

I could stand to improve upon my writing as well. I have been working pretty damn diligently on my writing everyday, but it seems as though I haven't been doing as much as I could be doing since all of these medical problems started up. I have honestly tried and tried to release my self into the page and it has been difficult. Yes, I have written some simple poetry and finished off an older project or two, but it just isn't enough. I feel as though I am the Paris Hilton of writing. I need to be perfect and have everything I want at all times. But, perfection is not obtainable even though my mind tricks me into thinking that it is and possessing everything I could ever want as far as talents in my writing would mean that the rest of my life would turn out pretty boring, right?

I had a fortune cookie the other week that said that I will be one of the most influential, rich persons in the world. I already feel I am there. I have you all to add to my emotional bank account,(although I could use a few more deposits at the moment in order to cash out on Thursday when I may really really need it) and as far as influential, if even one of you buys a zine or subscribes to my blog, I feel as though that is enough influence to count for something. Most people in this world don't have blogs, pieces published in magazines, or even the words in their vocabulary to express how they feel about what is going on in their lives, or their countries, or the abuse they see day after day etc.. And for my ability to drone on and on about any given topic, I am truly blessed. And this is something that a lot of people talk about, I know, but really, think about what it means to even blog.

In any given week, I have approx. 3-6K readers or hits on my blog. I know maybe 100 of them, and what I mean by know is that I know their name, I know their face, but I don't truly know them. To me, this is fantastic. Now, most of them do not comment, do not show themselves, they are hidden in the side of their screen, which I can not see. I can say anything, well, almost anything, and have people know me. I can express my thoughts on Lindsey Lohan, Hilary Clinton, Frank McCourt, The Ice Cream Man, Liberty, Darfur, Canadian Socialization, My friends, My family, and not be criticized for my opinion. Well, you can argue with me about this, but true critics or gov't workers will never come to get me.

Think about this, there are countries in which you express an opinion about a leader in the manner of how most of us complain about the big GW and you could be prosecuted or possibly sentenced to death, even in this day and age. So what if I think GW is a hick that needs to go back to his village, so what if I think Hilary Clinton would have difficulty in office, so what if I tell everyone that I wouldn't hesitate to vote for that strapping young man from Illinois if he ends up in the final presidential election.. Isn't this great.

Oh and a few more things, I think that Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream has really declined in their quality. I think that the candy that is made now a days, isn't nearly as big in size or as tasty as the candy I grew up with, even though that was less than 30 years ago. And I totally hate all of the construction that is going on in every city in every state on the highway systems. I think all of this money could be spent in better ways. I think we should spend more money on our own homeless and insurance lacking network of friends in our own country before going to pay out millions of dollars to another country with similar problems. It seems as though our own societal/medical/financial/life and love needs are overlooked in order for us to care for others.

What is that rule on the airplanes? Place the oxygen mask over your face before helping the person next to you. Maybe we should send the guys over on the hill a copy of that laminated, sticky placard in the planes to remind them of the decisions they should be making with Miss Liberty's check book.

I have gone way off the original topic. But then again, this is my choice and you have free will to flick your mouse upon that little back arrow in the top left hand corner of your screen too...

I cherish each and every one of you in your own way and hope that you all feel the same about me. I will improve upon my communication with you and showing you how much I truly appreciate your friendship, your good vibes and your general presence in the form of a smiling face upon my friends page, everyday.

I will not blog tomorrow or probably Thursday, but as soon as I know something I will let you know.

Please keep your good wishes coming. The world wouldn't be the same without you, voice your opinion, no matter how many people agree or disagree, no matter how you choose to express it, whether it be in the form of fiction, non-fiction, blog, artwork, music, whatever, this is our right as human beings. Do not deny yourself the privilege.
I look forward to reading your thoughts on your pages or if you don't have a page, then please post your thoughts on mine. It is a free for all, well, with the exception of porn and crap. No one needs to read that.

Read me and I promise to read you. Subscribe to me, I would be honored and as always, I am free... No reading fee charged. Save your money for the literary zines that I know you so desperately want to support.

Enjoy your hump day and the rest of the days of the week!

Yours in Spirit of the Law, Stroking the Doubt Monster and Scaring Myself into Self-Doubt,

Cicily