Wednesday, March 12, 2008

In Need of Repair

Quote of the week:
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses,
just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.
~Oscar Wilde

Currently on my IPOD:
"It's My Life"
~Bon Jovi

Local Weather:
Humidity dropping around 2pm giving way to an
inevitable and unseasonable cold front
with occasional, late afternoon feelings
of total inadequacy


Dear friends, family and everyone else,

Right now, I am eating marshmallows out of the Lucky Charm cereal box. Just as I told my kids not to do, but their in school, so no one but you and me and the world around us will ever know. I think I am stress eating. I know I am stress eating. I must stop this plague of stress and weight gain. And stop it right now.

I consider myself in repair at the moment. After a rough few years and hurricanes of medical crap, MS crap and re-writing my life story, I am repairing the damage. I have started to exercise, which as my accupuncturist says, will give more life and blood to my brain, which makes me feel fantastic. I have been running, on average, a 5K every other day. Its like I’m addicted. Can’t stop. And even though it burns through my core, I don’t stop until the treadmill says I have to. My heart rate soars close to 180. But it is a type of high. A natural high. Endorphin, knock me down on the ground and kick me kinda high.

What else am I doing? I am trying to get rid of the doctors. All of them. I know, out of necessity, I have to see at least one to get my very necessary meds refilled from time to time, but I have decided that I don’t need them anymore than that. I have gone all natural. I have supplements for my gut, for the mind and everything else in between. I am seeing an accupuncturist and I feel great. She has me focusing on the whole body, seeing myself as whole and not just parts that don’t fit in the puzzle. And the accupuncture feels fantastic.

But in need of more serious repair is the manuscript and I’m not going to whine about it. I’m just going to keep swimming on it until I either drown or finish, which ever comes first. I have the feeling that the finished product will come way before I drown, I’m just pessimistic because I’m having a hard time breathing when I’m in its presence.

But the blank page, the characters, the ones whose story has yet to be told calls out. Including me. My blank page, my story, my inner character is coming out slowly but surely. For now, just ignore the big orange sign telling you that the road is closed for repairs ahead in the road. I shall repair, rejoice and re-do what has been undone. Just a minor transformation taking place, never mind me.

See you guys next week!

Yours in Repair, Recycling Old Material to Make Way for New and Refining,

Cicily

4 comments:

Travis Erwin said...

Repeat after me. Steak is good for you. Running is not.

Why else would it make you so tired afterwards?

Chancelucky said...

Cicily,
do you write better or worse when you're healthy? When I write sometimes, I hit the junk food and don't exercise. I know it's not healthy and I still do exercies, but...

Cicily Janus said...

Hi Chance, I write much better when I'm healthy. when I get sick, I get very sick. Just ask Travis, he was there when the ambulances carted me off in AZ.

But junk food tends to be the most tempting while I'm writing. I try to stay away from it, with the exception of peanut butter. Its very addictive.

And travis...I repeated your mantra, and even tried eating tons of steak as you suggest, and I started to grow another foot taller and a very dark beard grew around my face and suddenly I couldn't talk like myself, I had become the pirate version of Travis..LOL..

So, I went back to my veggies...

:)
C

bookfraud said...

it never hurts to turn to the manuscript right after you've finished running -- all those endorphins flowing through the veins, and no matter what you write at that point, you're going to think it's great.

the frustrating thing about a blank page is that it's perfect, just waiting for us to ruin it.