Sunday, November 24, 2013

Forget You

Quote of the Day
One of the keys to happiness
is a bad memory.
~Rita Mae Brown~

Current Local Weather: 
150% chance of ice storms on the outside. 
99.9% chance of warmth, calm and beauty 
shifting from the west moving on towards the inside of my heart.
99.9% Chance of a break in all things bad from yesterday 
carrying over until all the tomorrows to come.

Currently on my iTunes: 
"Lost in the Light"

Currently Reading: 
"Hope Dies Last"
Studs Terkel

**For my new, old friend, Tim.**

Dear Friends, Family and My Family of Friends...

Have you ever had a song break your heart? A musician? A writer? An artist? A man? A woman? Anyone? Have you ever had to forgive someone that at the time, didn't seem forgivable? Did you ever want to "Forget" them...but just couldn't? Did you ever want to say..."Although there's pain in my chest, I wish you the best...but I'd love to Forget You...oh, I really hate your ass right now" Cee Lo couldn't have said it better...

However, as the quote of the day says, "One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." Forgetting, er, rather...unremembering, is sometimes the best remedy for everything that ails you. But forgetting anything isn't an instamatic super power that has been granted to many of us.

I've recently reconnected with an ex. But this wasn't just any ol' ex...this was one I was deeply in love with. One that helped me in so many ways, if I began to tell you about it all, you'd get bored with me and stop reading right about now...This hasn't been an easy reconnection, though.  Seamless isn't something either of us know. There are those lingering feelings I still have "those" feelings for him? Do I still want...this...the "thing" that broke my heart and left me for a pile of nothing on the floor? I had to stop before I began. 

This "thing," I had to remember, is not a thing at all. "It's" a person. A very kind, warm, open and friendly...and HAPPY....person. What truly broke my heart was the idea that what we "had" was over. I felt lost. And I felt that way for a very long time afterwards...and although all seemed lost, the map to find something in the space that was vacant, to occupy it again, turns out, wasn't too far away from where I was standing. 

After many discussions and conversations, we both realized that there was definitely something more at fault than any other thing...that huge thing known as "miscommunication." 

We realized that we had to be bigger than our selves and learn from what had happened months prior to our renewed discussion of all things, "WTF."  We learned many, many things but the one thing I walked away with was this: 

Sometimes you have to realize that the pain you go through has a purpose. Pain is one of the best educations anyone can receive. Sometimes you don't realize it at the time, but after it's always clear. 

I was talking with a friend this morning about how music has a massive effect on everything I do. (I know, duh!?!) In all seriousness, music sits on the edge of gravity for me. Sometimes it's the only thing separating me from the clouds, sometimes, it, itself, becomes the cloud on which I sit and observe life from. Sometimes, it is my soul, removed from me to teach me about myself. Music is not a misnomer, or a background color in my life, it is my life. It is everything to me. It is my living color, it is where I stand, it is who I am in so many beautiful ways. Music has the ability to break you into a million pieces, but as I told him, I'd rather feel the pain and live with the limp and scar than cast it and "fix" the piece it broke away from my soul. 

There's a "new" (new to me) band out there by the name of Bahamas. (pronounced Ba-hahm-ahs) They have a tune called, "Lost in the Light." I think this is one of the most soul-filled and alluring tunes on forgiveness, losing love and love lost and found and lost again, that has ever been heard by man. Please, listen while reading the lyrics below. 

I'm lost in the light 
I pray for the night 
To take me, to take me to 

After so many words 
Still nothing's heard 
Don't know what we should do 

So if someone can see me now, let them see you 

It was my greatest thrill 
But we just stood still 
You let me hold your hand 'til I had my thrill 

Even countin' sheep 
Don't help me sleep 
I just toss and turn right there beside you 

So if someone could help me now, they'd help you too. 

They'd help you to 
See you through 
All the hard things we've all gotta do 
Cause this life is long 
And so you wouldn't be wrong 

Bein' free you and me on my own! 

And I held my own 
Still I rattled your bones 
I said some awful things and I take them back 

If we would try again 
Just remember when 
Before we were lovers, I swear we were friends 

So if someone could see me now let them see you 

Let them see you 
See you through 
All the hard things we've all gotta do 
Cause this life is long 
So you wouldn't be wrong 
Bein' free here with me on my own!

Where my words miserably fail, this tune picks up. I believe that the friendship and new facet of love that this man and I share is so much better for what we went through than not. It's allowing me to learn that not all love that is lost is a lost or just cause. We all have to learn this lesson at some point or other. We all have to figure out that our belief in love is there for a reason.

I might be in love again. I might always be in love. Of course, one can always hope that it's always there or always a possibility. Otherwise, what's the point? It's not just in existence for sex, for pain, or for pursuit of the almighty ending to our perceived fairytale life. 

Love that is lost is there for our benefit. I've learned to love regardless of being hurt by even my own words and hurting someone else through them. I've learned that there is no "perfect" fit for any one soul, especially mine. And believe me when I say, that's no easy pill to swallow. There are only two people that can learn to love through understanding, forgiveness and allowing each other the freedom to be two within the relationship that makes them one. Thank you, Alfie, for writing and singing beyond the skies, beyond any cloud I've ever sat on...thank you for your tune "Lost in the Light."  

I hope most of all, that through finding a new friend in an old lover, that every one that has gone through this can find it in their hearts echo the line (as the tune says) "I swear we were friends before we became lovers." There is too much pain and too many ice cold shoulders rubbing against the sustainable warmth that is easily found inside each of us to deny ourselves the happiness we deserve. The point of loving is to love with reckless abandon. To love someone so very much that when others see you, they see them, too.

Your assignment for this week is to find the person that hurt you and forget them. Forget them as you knew them or as you remember them. Forget you, too. Remember this...remember that you've forgotten them as they were, remember them as they are and remember you were there too. Help them through all the hard things we've all gotta do when the opportunity to love again finds your soul. 

Yours in Difficult Lives, Loving Life and Living as though I've Forgotten It All Just to Do it Again, 


1 comment:

Dr. Tim Mooney said...

Beautifully said, felt, and understood! Bonnie Rhaitt song would fit nicely here.