Catching Up With the Old and the New

Quote of the Day:

Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.
~Robert Anthony

Current Local Weather:
Hotter than hell on it's hottest days. Humidity is
at 200% and chance of stroking out
is around 100%.

Currently on my iPod:
GG Train
Charles Mingus

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

You may be asking yourself why it's hotter than hell in here or at least up in the local weather forecast. Well, I'm sitting in the Jacksonville, Florida airport waiting on my plane to take me back to a reasonable, cooler, less humidity and more friendly but weathered destination like DENVER or COLORADO SPRINGS! Colorado...my beloved Colorado...I shall never leave you again. I'm sorry for straying this far from home and believe me, because I know you're going to ask when I get there...it was worth it for the business, but it wasn't worth the physical discomfort. Please accept my apologies and take me back into your arms.

Moving on.

I was here (Jacksonville, FL) for a very good reason. It's my next book project and believe me, it was well worth the humidity and the thigh stickage to uber hot leather seats in the rental car. You can also say that I'm stimulating the economy by taking such trips and advancing my career and the amount of reading material in the world...yeah, that's it. I'm working WITH the government to advance our current economic climate.

Jacksonville, Florida, for those who know me, is no stranger in my life. I lived here for several years during college while attending The University of North Florida. U.N.F. (a.k.a. You Never Finish). I'm sure some folks graduate each year from the fine institute of learning it is, but not too many of us in the jazz department did, so it is what it is. I haven't been here since that fateful day in 1998 that I left the grounds and said I never would look back. Then again, I've said that about a lot of things in my life and had to suck on my own words a few years later. So traveling to the land of the Osprey's was bittersweet at best. I was most looking forward to meeting the folks I am working with on this book and catching up with the old folks who know that I'm not always the classy kinda gal I appear to be.

Catching up, in many ways, can be a blessing and a curse. Of course there's always the one man that got away that you WISH you would have had the opportunity to make a future with. There's the girlfriend/wife that now OWNS that man and then there are the friends who are more/less successful than you and you wonder, whether it is more/less, how in the hell they got where they are. There's the gossip, the rumors, the poking fun at yourself or each other, the back and forth that was once so integral to your existence. Catching up also, in one way or another, can force you to take a good look at how far you've digressed or progressed in your own goals in life. Goals, of course, change over time just as we all do both personally and professionally. My goals, and this is hard core fact, have changed drastically over the last few years, and even more so if you look back on my last fifteen years of life.

I used to want to be a professional trumpet player. I LIVED for the horn. I practiced day/night, worked on gigs I thought would forward me to the next level, took lessons from the VERY best folks, and even went to school to try my hand at making a living with it. Sure, it worked for a while but then I found that when you DO all the work you set out to do at a feverish pace from the time you're in middle school on into college, you learn first hand what the words BURN OUT mean.

So I changed my ground to nursing. Sure, say what you want. But this was "easy" for me to change to. I loved people (still do for the most part), I enjoy taking care of others, and I hate to see others in pain. Whammo, for ten years my goal was realized. I worked in a variety of areas in the nursing field but soon felt that I was unfulfilled as a creative soul. I began writing as a way of coping with this. Throughout all this time, I was a writer on the inside but never outwardly expressed it. Ryan soon went off to Basic Training to realize his goal of supporting his family as a musician and I strayed from the nursing world to write for a while. Soon enough, this writing "hobby" became a full-blown Glenn Close like obsession. Most writers will tell you this is true with their careers as well. Starts out safe, happy, and not fully realized. Soon enough, you find yourself wanting the career to leave it's current wife and kids and be YOURS. ONLY YOURS. OR YOU WILL KILL IT AND ALL OF ITS OFFSPRING!



I digress. Not that I would EVER do that...

Of course people thought, at first, that I was crazy when I went into nursing. No, not crazy, desperate. But I survived it and now have TONS of fodder for books I'll never write. Of course everyone I knew had a hard time accepting the fact that I was going to leave a well paying, respected job like nursing so I could pay more attention to the voices in my head. I shouldn't talk like these voices are bad things. After all, they changed my life in so many great ways. I have a career, albeit in its infancy, that is enviable and wonderful and ideal. I have so many great new friends and I have lots of that great new concept called: TIME. I spend lots of time with my kids, my loved ones, and supporting other writers in their quest to get published.

But catching up, back to the original premise of the blog, has helped me realize that I'm in a great place. I'm not so afraid of UNF or it's surroundings because it no longer has the same meaning or symbolism to me. It's not a place where I failed to realize one dream, it's a place that helped me get to where I needed to be to live amidst my new dream. One of those circular journeys in life, I suppose. I was first here as a young (17) college kid hoping that what I picked to follow in my education was what I was meant to do. And although many of my friends are still in that same dream they began years and years ago, I am not. But what I learned through catching up with myself and my friends, is that no matter where you go, where you stray off to, how much weight you gain or lose or where you intend to be in the next fifty years, change is always waiting for you around the corner.

I don't really feel the need to reminisce or worry about what has been or what is to be, from now on, and for the little one inside of me and the little ones and even the big ones I love that live with my cranky and sweaty butt on a daily basis, I'm living in the now.

Yours in Catching Up, Cooling Down, and Carrying On,

Cicily

Serenity NOW and Other Priorities in Life

Quote of the Day:
Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going
to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.
~C. Palahniuk~

Current Local Weather:
Spring showers. Lots of them, including
pollen, stinky pear trees, gray skies and all.
90% chance that they'll be followed by
tears, sneezes and utter disappointment
in your sinuses.

Currently on my iPod:
April in Paris
Charlie Parker with Strings
(i.m.o. this is one of the most absolute essential recordings any person can own. If you don't have it, shame on you.)
Peace, Piece
Bill Evans
(listening to them over and over as a matter of fact to calm my soul)

Dear Friends, Family and My Family of Friends,

Okey dokey. I know, it's been a long time since I've posted. Sorry folks, I've been a slight bit stressed, put-out, put-down, and hurting in ways I don't even want to talk about...at least physically so.

I believe it was George's father, Frank...ya know, those folks from Seinfeld...who cried out the infamous phrase: SERENITY NOW! The whole purpose of him screaming this out was to supposedly lower his blood pressure.

Lately, at least on an internal level more than external, this has been my mantra. I've been known to scream it out while I'm in the shower and at the nurses who have been so patiently waiting on me, hand and foot, while I have made many, many...too many, visits to some of the local hospitals. The medical shit is really starting to get to me. I'm hoping to see an end to it all very, VERY, soon.

As for my regularly scheduled life, it's not slowing down no matter what. Sick? Nah! I can still do all of your press kits, bios and liner notes and write your mother's father's sister's god-mother's daughter's first cat owner's neighbor's little kid brother's biography! Bring it on.

Seriously though, I'm beginning to wear thin. Yes, I've lost weight but that's besides the point.

Sometimes we have to start prioritizing our lives. I have been doing this to the nth degree since I have been faced down with my own mortality hard and fast lately.

I think we all have these but somehow, somewhere, in our crazy days and nights and weeks and months and years, they get buried. Screw over the shit in your life that doesn't matter. Trust me, the stuff that doesn't matter will eventually leave you alone.

If you're curious, here are the priorities I'm making in my own life right about now:

• If my stomach allows food on any given day, I'm eating dessert first. I have to survive on something, right?
  
• If I have the opportunity to listen to music, like REALLY listen to music in the quiet sanctuary of my home, I'm only listening to only the very best. Life is WAY too short to listen to crap.
• Reading. Don't sweat the BIG stuff. I've invested some time in reading shorts by famous folks. They're WONDERFUL. Start with George Saunders. He is self-described as Disney on Acid. I saw him read in person at AWP and he's completely accurate with that description. I've also recently invested in a writer's group here in town. I LOVE THEM. And I'm not sure how I've lived without them. They give the voices from my head their much needed validation.
  
• Writing. I'm cutting out the writing crap in my life. Period. I'm only writing crap that I find interesting.
  
• Kids. Nuff' said. Lying around playing Candy Land has it's perks.
  
• Love. Find it. Got it? Keep it. Don't lie to yourself or anyone else about the love you've "got" or the love you think they want for you. Go after the love you've always wanted RIGHT now. Be the person you want to love or you want someone else to know. The real person. I'm a firm believe in the saying that Love Wins. It ALWAYS wins. Even if it's self love, you deserve it. We all do.
  
• Yoga. When I'm well enough to attend the bi-weekly class, I do. Downward dog is VERY helpful in a physical and emotional way.
  
• Friends. Got em? Keep em. Period. Don't overcrowd your life with simple acquaintances. For the ones that come through for you no matter the circumstance, give them the time they need in return. Simple acquaintances are great, but they can usually wait for a response to their needs. Also, re-evaluate those in your life that ONLY take and never GIVE. I know you can't do anything about family, but you can about everyone else. Are you exhausted with doing things for those that never are willing to help you back? Dump em.
  
• Emails. Can it wait? Even a few days? Probably. Ask people not to forward crap to you unless you are one of those that can't live without it. And unless it's one of your friends asking for advice or a business issue, let it be. If it's a friend and it's logistically possible, take them out to lunch instead of returning an email. Or call them! Novel idea...I know...
• Cleaning. Blech. Do it better and you'll have to do it less often.
  
• The retreats. They cleanse and renew my soul even though they take mucho amounts of work to get to the actual house with everyone intact.
  

At least this is my list. This is essentially my life right now, other than book tour planning, and other such business matters. If you're one of those that are eagerly anticipating my book's release, well, we're only a few months away! Details regarding appearances, workshops and more are coming soon. Thanks, as always, for reading.

SERENITY NOW!

Yours in stressful days, seemingly lovely and stress-less sleep and sinus infections,

Cicily

The True Meaning of Life

Quote of the Day:
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
~Charles A. Beard~

Current Local Weather:
Coldfront with inevitable snow showers will be sliding in
from the outside while warmth is felt all around inside.

Currently on my iPod:
Don't You Worry Bout A Thing
Stevie Wonder

Dear friends, family and my family of friends,

Usually, when life takes you by the neck and squeezes so tight you believe that reality is not only out to get you but actually threatening to kill you, people say you get to find out who your true friends are. Over the last month, I got to be one of the special people in this world that knows what a TRUE 10 is on a scale of 1-10 of pain. I also found out that I can endure an enormous amount of emotional distress...I got to take a field trip in the hospital from my medical bed when the doctor told me the "pain" was in my head to the suicide watch bed and see what all that consists of in a hospital setting...Regardless, this is my point, I found life among the pain, chaos and feverish storm my body was creating.

I am truly blessed. Truly, enormously and surprisingly blessed with life.

I found out that my true friends are all over the place, even as far away as Australia. Some people discount the weight of internet friendships and say that it is all about hooking up or that your internet friends aren't actual friends. Turns out that I have an enormous network of people that I have met and not met and talked to online and not talked to but maybe once or twice, that poured out of the woodwork to save not only my sanity but my life. The internet is a god-send in many ways and for me, it truly saved my life.

Tsk...tsk...go ahead, say it.

But, when I announced that I was in the hospital (of course the hospital has wi-fi, they'll serve you coffee too!) to my network of twitter folks and facebook, I started getting daily phone calls (people found the hospital, the room number and began to ring my ears off!) cards, e-cards, messages of affirming love and well-wishes and queries regarding what kind of help they could provide me even from a distance. Over 1,000 messages/cards and whatnots arrived. Packages of books, music and downloads came in by the dozens. I got flowers from my best girlfriends and guy friends. Even when I was too out of it to remember people calling, I got calls. I cried myself to sleep most nights thinking of not just the pain but wondering about the simple statement of, do I deserve this?

I believe, when we're at our worst, we should burrow down and ask these kinds of questions. Leading up to the 18 day stay followed by a reprieve of 3 days only to be admitted again for another 8 days, I had been in pain. I had over 23 ER visits in one year for the same pain, in the same place and with the same intensity. It struck me at all hours, and sometimes rendered me unable to walk or even breathe properly. When I got off the plane in Denver from the NAMM show, I was swollen, barely able to walk and vomiting every few feet. I had to go get help.

Doctors earlier in the year, other than my newest pal in the medical field, Dr. Larry Melia, had given me the run around. I had one ER doc tell me that pain affected every woman and that I just needed to get in line and learn to deal. I had one doc ask me if I was an IV drug user. I had another that denied me care because he said that I had been in the ER too many times and they weren't going to give me pain meds anymore. I guess it didn't matter to him that I had not asked for pain meds, but merely an ultrasound of my swollen, tight and somewhat puckered belly. I cried. And cried. And cried. Many, many nights I had pain so bad that Dr. Melia would get a call just to reassure me that I wasn't dying.

I was admitted to the hospital over Thanksgiving. I spent three days in there and the GI doctor said that he was sure that I had some kind of adhesion disorder as my stomach just didn't "look" right but he couldn't pin point it to a disease and that the general surgeon on call that day refused to even come in and talk to me about it.

Six nights into my stay in Porter Adventist in Denver, the surgeon I trusted came into my room and told me what I did not and could not stand to hear. He said that this pain was all in my head and that a good dose of haldol or anti-depressants would do me some good. I not only began to cry, but I began to doubt my ability as a human being to think and react logically to what I was feeling on a physical and an emotional level.

The psychiatrist and nurse came in my room the next night and asked me what they could do to help put my mind at ease. I asked for a second surgical opinion and if he would say that it was in my head then I would put matters to rest and seek serious psychological help, including an admission to a state facility. I've never been so crazed and out of my mind. I was hurting, throwing up and losing weight and it seemed that it was a sort of "depression."

The next morning the wonderful Dr. Tilquist came into my room, took one look at the old scar embedded into my upper left quadrant of my abdomen and said, what about Monday? He was shocked and surprised at the difficult time I had been given and was more than willing to take a look. I don't remember much about the day of the surgery other than telling him, as they wheeled me in, that if he found "nothing" that they were to just sedate me for the rest of my life.

Three something hours later, one large mid-line incision later and the removal of copious amounts of scar tissue that was binding up my stomach, colon and innumerable other organs, I was declared "fixed."

Despite the heinous complications I had thereafter, I feel better. But I feel better in a way I never expected. I feel grounded, full of life and in love once again. Things are brighter than they were the days before this as I truly hit rock bottom. And instead of abandonment by my "friends and family" I was lifted up upon the shoulders of everyone I have come in contact with over the years and brought to a healing place by the warmth of their hands and hearts.

This, in my humble opinion, is the meaning of life. If we can not lift each other up when we are down, whether it is the people of Haiti or our next door neighbor or fellow writers etc...then what good is the life we're living. I have a renewed sense of spirit and belief in my fellow man. That sounds quite stilted but it's honestly how I feel. Again, I am truly blessed and as I said on my facebook update the other day, in the game of life, I'm finally winning.

Yours in fevers, friendship and finally finding yourself,

Cicily

Writing Away Retreats: May 6-10th, 2010

Quote of the Day:
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start now and make a brand new ending.
---Carl Bard

Current Local Weather:
Soft, beautiful snow with
waves of gut-wrenching pain

Currently on
my iPod:
"Turn Around"
The Bittersweet
David Ryan Harris

Dear friends, family, and my family of friends,

You all are owed a nice, long and info. filled blog about my adventures over the last few months....trust me, I'll get it to you soon. As soon as humanly possible. Really I will.

But, for now, I'm throwing out an advert. for the Spring Writing Away Retreats. Taking place in Breckenridge, Colorado this coming May, this is a great opportunity for writers of all levels to receive feedback from top players in the literary world.

This May you have the opportunity to work with:

Kevin Doughten, Associate Editor with Penguin/Viking
Tim O'Connell, Associate Editor with Random House
Sorche Fairbank, Literary Agent with Fairbank Literary Agency
Linda Rohrbough, Bestselling author and Writing Coach, Editor etc.
Kevin Doughten, Associate Editor with Penguin/Viking



10K word MS critique with each of these pro's is included in the cost...not to mention great food, great company and a great lodge...











Want to give a boost to your career? Longing for a better place to learn the craft of writing? Yeah, got it all right here...

Writing Away Retreats

See you in May...


Yours in Better Career Beginnings, Boosting Your Smiles and Believing in Yourself,

Cicily

CD's You Should Have Bought This Year But Probably Didn't

Quote of the Day:
Listen or thy tongue will
keep thee deaf.
~Indian Proverb

Current Local Weather:
Freeeeeezing Cold Sunny Days
with Relaxation Showers and No
Deadline to Speak Of

Currently on my iPod:
Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight
Amos Lee

(Jeremy Facknitz)

Dear friends and family and my family of friends,

Yes, it's the end of the year. Thank goodness. It's been a hell of a life-changing, mood altering season of growing and learning and living to the fullest I can possibly live. I wish you were here. Right here. Next to me. The couch is now sinking in from where I have sat too many nights, at this time of the night, writing my thoughts, both good and bad, down for all to read either now or much, much (posthumously) later. Details on where to find my diary to come in a blog later. MUCH later.

(Chris Tarry)

Yet the one thing good about closing out a year this great is the recap of it. This is an act that nourishes my already healthy ego and also helps me keep things in perspective. Any time I get impatient with my own progress or with a goal that seems all too distant, I can go back and read the recapping of a year that passed by at break-neck speed and changed my life. But the recap of this year will happen during my new years blog. This blog...which isn't too late or early enough is a recap of all the great music that's been put out this year. Many of these artists are strangers to the mainstream for now. MANY MANY of them have busted their wallets and their ass to promote themselves and have succeeded in small ways.

(Rudder)

(Ricky Sweum)

As usual, I want to help out. Help them in anyway I can. I believe that music is the best gift you can give anyone. Whether it be escorting a friend to a phenomenal performance or just gifting a few iTunes to a friend who is in need of a boost, a lift of the mood and funk they're in at that moment. Music stays with us wherever and whenever we need it. Think back to some of your fondest memories growing up...I remember Culture Club tunes and Aha's "Take On Me" playing in the distant background. I remember where I was the first time I heard Maria Schnieder's music. That moment changed my life. Music is by far, one of the most potent and powerful aphrodisiacs and mood destabalizers/stabalizers ever created by humans. Hell, even the birds know the power of a great tune! It can land them a mate and or ward off an enemy.

(Matt Wilson)

So, this Christmas or even in the next year and coming years, take this into account. Make it your resolution, if you're the type to make such claims, to ignore the Top 40 list and go with the indie folks, the jazz underground, the singer/songwriters who write more poetry than most poets I know and those that are probably eating Ramen Noodles right now instead of steak just to make it between gigs.

Here's a LONG list (My 50 picks) of folks to start with. Some of these folks I know personally. Some of them I have listened to their stories over and over in an attempt to get it down on paper. Some I have never ever met and maybe never will, but I feel I know them very well through their words and lovely melodies. Either way, ALL of these folks are worth getting to know and supporting. Show some love... got it? Now, without further ado, here's the list:

**each artist and name of the album is also a link...please buy the music from the artist on their site. This ensures that the artist receives all the proceeds from the sale. **

1. Singer/Songwriter: Jeremy Facknitz, Music from the Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
2. Jazz Drummer/Funny Guy: Matt Wilson , That's Gonna Leave A Mark
   
3. Composer/bassist: Ben Allison, Think Free
4. Composer/Bassist: Chris Tarry, Live at the Birds Eye, Switzerland
5. Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Ricky Sweum, Pulling Your Own Strings
6. Jam Band/Funky Tastemakers: Rudder, Matorning
7. Jazz pianist/Composer: Vijay Iyer, Histrocity
8. Jazz pianist/Composer: Matthew Shipp, Harmonic Disorder
9. Trumpeter/Composer: Dave Douglas, Spirit Moves
10. Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Joe Lovano, Folk Art
11. Singer/Songwriter Group: As Tall As Lions, The Circles EP
12. Jazz Bassist: Christian McBride, Kind of Brown
13. Jazz Trumpeter: Roy Hargrove, Emergence
14. Jazz Pianist/Composer: Robert Glasper, Double Booked
15. Singer/Songwriter/Folk: The Bird and the Bee, One Too Many Hearts
16. Singer/Songwriter: Regina Spektor, Far
17. Jazz Composer/Saxophonist: Chris Greene, Merge
18. Contemporary Drummer: Paul Wertico, Impressions of A City
19. Jazz Vocalist: Kurt Elling, Dedicated To You
20. Jazz Bassist: Stanley Clarke, Jazz in the Garden
21. Jazz Vocalist/Songwriter/Composer: Allan Harris, Dedicated to You, Allan Harris Sings Nat King Cole Christmas
22. Jazz Vocalist/Poet/Composer/Mover-Shaker: Rene Marie, Slut Energy Theory
23. Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Woody Witt, Seasons Ago
24. Jazz Trumpeter/Professor/Composer: Alan Hood, Just A Little Taste
25. Jazz Trumpeter/Composer/Classical Trumpeter: Suresh Singaratnam, Lost in New York
    
26. Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Jake Saslow, Lucky 13
27. Jazz Vocalist/WonderWoman: Melody Gardot, My One and Only Thrill
28. Jazz Composer/Leader: Darcy James Argue, Secret Society Presents: Infernal Machines
29. Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Seamus Blake, Live in Italy
30. Jazz Composer/Saxophonist: Jeremy Udden, Torchsongs
    
31. Jazz Bassist/Composer: Janek Gwizdala, Live at the 55 Bar
32. Uh, no category-group/ear candy: Slavic Soul Party, Taketron
33. Jazz Vocalist/Songwriter: Karrin Allyson, By Request, The Best of Karrin Allyson
34. Jazz Pianist/Composer/Great conversationalist: Jim Beard, Revolutions
35. Jazz Bassist/Composer: Joe Martin, Not By Chance
36. Jazz Guitarist/Wonderfingers: Pete McCann, Extra Mile
37. Jazz Composer/Guitarist/Visual Artist: Miles Okazaki, Generations
38. World Music Extraordinaire: Ballake Sissoko, 3MA
39. Jazz Guitarist/Composer: Jonathan Kreisberg, The South of Everywhere
40. Jazz Composer/Film Score Genius/Trumpeter: Terence Blanchard, Choices
41. Jazz Saxophonist/Composer/text buddy: Noah Preminger, Dry Bridge Road
    
42. Jazz Trumpeter/Poet/Soulwriter: Nicholas Payton, Into the Blue
43. Jazz Bassist/Fatherfigure/Educator/Composer: John Clayton, Brother to Brother
44. Singer/Songwriter Vocalist: Jonah Smith, Lights On
45. Jazz Guitarist: Bobby Broom, Bobby Broom Plays For Monk
46. Jazz Composer/Pianist/Leader: Michel Camilo, Caribe (Live DVD/CD)
    
47. Jazz Pianist/Composer: Dan Cray, Over Here, Over Heard
48. Jazz Organist/Composer/Magic Soul Man: Pat Bianchi, East Coast Roots
49. Jazz Pianist/Composer/Educator/Arranger: Bill Cunliffe, The Blues and the Abstract Truth
    
50. Composer/Arranger/Film Scorer/Bad Ass Supporter/Friend/Big Band Guru: Gordon Goodwin and his Big Phat Band, Act Your Age
    

• Of course, I've left out everyone else. So, if you're reading this and you're getting upset with me because you weren't included then do something about it! If you want to be added to the list, just email me at newfaceofjazz.com with your CD name, web address etc. I'll be happy to add.

I hope, at the very least, you consider this list a great start.

Yours in Music, Mischeif and Mayhem,

Cicily

OH. And need I even say it? HAVE YOU BOUGHT YOUR COPY of the New Face of Jazz? No? Shame...shame...Reserve it soon before they're all gone.

And if you're interested in reading the Author's Note and an excerpt from the beautiful Vocalist/Bassist, Esperanza Spalding, Go Here: www.newfaceofjazz.com