Writing About You

Another Day...Another...Uh...Dollar? Hell no. It's ANOTHER DAY!

2012-01-26T23:48:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:

*apologies ahead of time for the length of this*

The future used to be such an abstract idea...but then it has the nerve to show up

and it's like it's expecting us to do something without
the slightest intention of giving us a lending hand.

~Kurt...Glee~

Current Local Weather:

Shit. Followed by a well-intentioned feeling of

reluctance and sunshine...for now.

Currently on my iPod:
*Most beautiful version available. Promise. Buy it.*

"Moonlight in Vermont"
State of Art
Ben Williams

Dear Friends, Family and My Family of Friends, and one particular friend...

Last year, right around that horrid day known as Valentines Day, I wrote a letter more to myself and my daughters about the love I didn't need and the one I did need and one year, almost to the date...kinda, I'm finding myself writing a love note to someone who's been in my life for a while. And no, it isn't THAT kind of love note. I'm not getting hitched, or even asking for a hitched ride to nowhere'sville of love villas. This is something that is coming from the heart. And it is for one of my dearest friends. And yes, the latest episode of Glee was about that four letter word...you know...starts with an L and often ends with heartbreak...the big one..."Love"...was killer. It took care to show that love is messy, sucks ass sometimes and is often not what you thought it was or what other people had you believe it should be or could be and often, if you get it right before you die, you realize that the love you had, was often what you always wanted it to be.

Ok, for those that know me, I will quit with the teenagey TV melocomedrama talk...enough Gleeage.

Yes this is public. But this is for all dozen or so readers to take in but not to digest in the way I am writing it. This is being written as a public declaration to someone who's name will be never-ever be mentioned...but I need to push a little. He's been down on his "A-game" and he needs a boost. I feel he's thinking he may be or very well is probably losing his coveted monopoly piece in this game of messy, often costly life and is trying desperately to win it back on Ebay...A friend. It seems like an eternity of a life has passed since I met this friend, But it's not a life I know or one I don't think I've had the privilege to live in the flesh...or at the very least, it's one I've lost the source codes for.

So, This is for you. And yes, it really is.

Tomorrrow is always a new day. How frolickin'' cliche' of me. But just because you're roaming without or at-best, sketchy coverage, doesn't mean a thing in this modern day and age. I'm pretty sure that your smart-phone and brain is wired to change GPS coordinates with the turn of the breeze that says all the things you don't need to hear and even better those sayings come from one of those satellites that everyone knows exist but will never see. Or maybe you will. I have the feeling that neither of us will know what that satellite looks like until we've found the flip-side. But we both know that the B-side, the flip-side as they say in the industry, is always the better one. It's the one that the musicians and artists let their true lights shine on and on and on.

And I felt a dire need to make this public, because I too, need to hear it, even after it came out of my own brain.

But really, I have to ask, what was this "L" word invented for if not for our own edification? It's time for you to get with that program. I hear they meet 24/7, it's on every radio, every bandwidth of existence that's ever existed and is now visible on every inch of this planet. Believe it or not. But yes, Hallmark has actually found a new CEO and is busy covering the world as we know it with an invisible cloak disguised as that taste, texture, sight and sound of love. Is it red velvet? I suppose it would be if you weren't blind or color-disabled.

But this isn't romantic love. This is truly easy to be a part of. There's no fee to join. There's no commercial with the gorgeous Jennifer Hudson telling you how even though she looks "thinner" on the outside, she's fuller on the inside and the light she shines has always been there...This is a simple find at your local hardware store of life. They sell goggles of reality there in every size, shape and color.

Just say the word and it changes. Life does. Love does. The greens turn to fields and the blues turn to endless sky and that azure dream you had while on the last plane you drifted to sleep on, is suddenly the color you see when you stare in the mirror and try to find the person behind the retinas that beg you, daily, for a clearer vision.

You're a whole...beautiful soul. You have given your life to making sure that what was in front of you, that block known as your world is ok and where you are, whatever shape that takes on whatever day and time you're in, will be surefooted, heart wrenchingly meaningful, even if that meaning doesn't come to you while you're on this side of the vinyl tracks.

And I say all of this with every single bit of life, love, blood, sweat and tears left inside me. And this doesn't just mean that I want that square foot you're standing on to smile...it is quite the opposite...I dream of a day, that you, one of my dearest friends, one who knows my head sometimes better than I, will take a look at the place that was rented out on your behalf on the very moment you entered the world...you were there...it was the day your mother and father rented you your first apartment, the one you've resided in since, that spacious, high ceiling loft with the view that goes beyond that vast footage in your heart, will be repaired beyond repair, beyond your wildest dreams and the repairman won't be the one with a grayed out mullet and a crack deeper than the river of Jordan, but by that one that has your number on speed dial and a magnet on your fridge...he's the only ONE that you need. He's got an eternal resume with a reference list that goes beyond every name ever invented. You're in need of repair, minor by comparison to some, major by comparison to those watching over you. Your heart, the love it shows to everyone else watching you, will return, maybe now, maybe ten years from now, but it WILL get there...to that most beautiful, original, made just for you...your size, shape and color (and that goes for your hair too)

Yours in Love, Lightening the Load and Listening when Words Aren't Present,

C

A Manifesto of Sorts

2011-09-17T00:01:00.004-06:00

Quote of the Day:
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability
to choose one thought over another.
~William James~

Current Local Weather:
Overcast but finally,
albeit after too long of a time,
hopeful for health.

Currently on my iPod:
"Takin It To the Streets"
Taylor Hicks
Do I Make You Proud

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

I sat down at about 4am yesterday morning and wrote a letter to a friend, but really it was more for myself (yeah, yeah. narcissism...whatever) . I woke up and was extremely bothered by where I was, and not in reality (well, that would be a lie and you'll see why in the following post), but in my soul. I just HAD to get it out of me and I wasn't going to even attempt to give in to the sleep fairies hovering around my foggy glasses until it was on paper, or at the very least, electronic paper.

So, here it goes. FYI: As compared to my older posts, this post is decidedly sans kitschy photos and references to anything but the real, too-sick-to-care (both mentally and physically, and for good measure let's just add in emotionally, too) what others think of me, me.

Dear ____ (name has been changed to absolutely nothing to protect the innocent)

I guess this is going to be one of those nights where sleep teases me with fits of thought, restless writing streaks and the casual anxiety that has become commonplace in my life these days...

So, what happens when C doesn't sleep?
Someone ends up with a long letter in their inbox. Therapeutic for me, amusement for you, win-win all around.

The last month or so has lent me considerable perspective as a human being on what life means, at least in my opinion. I've been half-assed delving from time to time in the writing of my medically dramatic, not too serious memoir. But as I was laying in the bed at memorial that last afternoon, after the custody mediation, I thought to myself...why would anyone want to read shit about me?

Sure, I have a following of jazz fans, but in writing this, that's neither here nor there. I almost have to start over in my "Non-fiction book writing career" if I want to make anything of myself and in promotion of this hopeful-to-sell-before-the-second-coming kinda deal.

So I wondered and thought and thunk and kerplunked while staring at the beautiful rain, albeit cold rain, outside my window on floor 7-5 at Memorial Hospital and came up with this instead: (One of the very kind nursing assistants, a little numb in white/gray matter asked, why don't you watch TV, get your mind off things...to which I replied with a nice as I could be tone while feeling like I'm dying, I'm a writer sans pen, to get my mind off things, I decidedly place my mind on other things and write in my head for a later date...) A book about searching for life among the almost dead.

Of course my medical catastrophes will be enriched with literary license, and my critical and unfiltered potty mouth and sense of humor will also be present. But, this will largely be about my travels writing the jazz book, finding joy in cooking for dozens of people and seeing their careers blossom right in front of my eyes at the retreats and how writing and immersing myself feet first in the literary community and living through hell, has taught me to seek life among the living dead (I.e. the 9-5 cubicle, taco bell eating, pale skinned, illiterate, placated by mass media, plagued with papparazzi envy, celebrity lovin, if-it's-at-Michaels-it-MUST-be art society we're forced to live in.).

I'm so tired of professionals that live with their professionalism written on pseudo wood plaques on their little professional office desks, looking down on people like me, you and pretty much everyone in my little but loving circle of friends. As artists, we're not stupid, no matter how big or small our lives turn out to be. All art, even the bad shit, has a purpose, in turn, allowing purpose and a meaningful life to enrich the lives of those who create it.

Office professionals, salesmen, lawyers, truck drivers (a lot of them write...I could do that...drive around all day and think of things to write...) wait staff, nurses, doctors, HR administrators...they've all got potential to reach and find their purpose in life through their jobs too. However, when one allows their job to sequester them to a life where shopping at Wally World is the only activity they do and art means posters of rock bands and Debbie Gibson on their ceiling and American Idol is the only time music invades their brain, then they become, by no fault other than their own, the true outcasts of what our society should be.

Alas, this isn't the case. People like me, you...the ones that end up living under a bridge after poor sales of their first novel or book on jazz, are the outcasts in our own ways. After being told that the career that I've busted my ass on since 2006 is not a real career by a decidedly (at least in her own mind) important person in our little community known as the Springs, I felt defeated. Downtrodden. Cast among the homeless and almost-dead, invisible crowd with too much socially unacceptable hair and drool in ALL the wrong places. But I realize that this "professional" is right. I don't have a "job." Instead I took a long and winding road that is less traveled than it should be. I followed a dream and instead of it being a job (a word so deftly shared by that poor sap of a man in the bible...your friend and mine, Job) I have passion and life within me despite my situation...and this is something that shares a lion's share of hope that resides deep among my too often situational/circumstantial depression....I must...REPEAT...MUST allow this feeling to remain omnipresent in my life instead of that ho-hum complacency so many others have allowed their lives to embody.

Does this thought and subsequent thoughts that will reign upon my consciousness in the near days mean that I've fully realized my goal of becoming an arts snob? Hmmm...not so sure. But I worry. Hell, if I got paid to worry I could build adjoining cabins for all of my friends (so we never have to be too far or too close in our nonrelationships) in Telluride. These would be so grand that they'd make those celebrity dwellings look like a wanna-be architect/toddler with legos and blue prints, built them. Also, as a mother, I've learned that worrying often leads to nothing other than gray hair. (Good reminder to have my sharpie out so I can touch them up) Worry is my current major in the university of life. As a matter of fact, I'm a bonafide doctoral candidate in the subject waiting to present my dissertation any day now.

Hopefully my anxiety will allow me to graduate from worry to okay-ness with not just any life, but my life. (insert any Billy Joel song at this point in the blog and you'll have a great soundtrack)

Hopefully my imaginary paycheck forged by my worrying mind will turn into a real one. Ahhhh...one can dream, right?

So...I'm meeting with a web designer on Monday, for lunch. I've been talking with him for quite a while. Jim Lewis. (This makes the fourth, yeppers...FOURTH Jim Lewis I know.) Weird. But I spoke with him eons ago about my sites and he's never let me forget. A true salesman. He even called to check on me in the hospital. Hmmm...I hope he's not stalking me. But then again, if he is, does that make me a celebrity?

Time to put my money where my mouth is or whatever that saying is. I have friends on standby that are willing to advertise on their sites, my editorial services (1000.00/manuscript isn't unheard of, right? ...I suppose it's standard fare for someone of my stature...lol...in the literary community) and query writing services.

I'm going to fight for what I believe to be a real dream, not what anyone could quite call...a hobby. And also, fight to move up the ladder, more aggressively so, than the past. I had been quite aggressive (believe it or not) until my ass found a new home at Memorial during my preggo days w/ Miss Natty Poo. I'm going to break this ridiculous cycle of dependence/neediness/circumstantial everything that is so fucking far from my actual character that I don't even recognize who I am most days.

I suppose writing this book will help.

Writing letters like this certainly does and is more to my chagrin than yours, I'm sure.

On that note, Natty Poo is awake and in need of a bottle and changing. Ta-Ta my dearest reader...or two.

Yours in Manifestos, Magic Cups and Mostly Memorable Mommy Moments,

Cicily

The Infamous Kissing Cousins: Regret and Guilt

2011-07-27T22:32:00.010-06:00

Quote of the Day:

One's real life is often the life
that one does not lead.
~Oscar Wilde~

Current Local Weather:
Latent heat followed by gusto amounts of electrical activity
near the intersections of regret, shame and guilt.

Currently on my iPod:
Innocent Bones
"The Shepherd's Dog"
Bryan Sutton

Dear Friends, Family and My Family of Friends,

They say, whoever they are, that regret is the worst enemy any one person can have in their lives. Worse than Hitler, worse than that Hussein dude and worse than its counterpart, guilt. I think some people truly think regret and guilt are kissing cousins, but they're not.

Wikipedia (if it's on there it must be true, right?) defines Guilt as:
...the fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense.^[1] It is also a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.^[2] It is closely related to the concept of remorse.

Nowhere in this definition of GUILT, does it talk about regret.

However...REGRET is defined as:

...a negative conscious and emotional reaction to personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often expressed by the term "sorry." Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression, annoyance or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person later wishes that s/he had not done or having not committed an action or actions that the person later wishes that s/he had done. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret — one which may be difficult to comprehend in an objective or conceptual way. In this regard, the concept of regret is subordinate to guilt in terms of its emotional intensity.

Yet in the definition of REGRET, GUILT is mentioned. And not only is guilt mentioned, it's mentioned as a deeper form of regret than regret itself. Hmmm....

Question is: do you have to feel regret for the things you're guilty of?

Answer? I don't think so. For those of you who personally know me, you know I've been through an admitted amount of hell and back over the last few years. But I have survived it all. At least thus far, right? Tomorrow always has potential for failure and success in either mild or extreme circumstances. But they are only that...circumstances.

I was speaking with a friend this week who happens to be going through her own hell. She was lamenting on how she knew this would change her, and probably for the worst, but she was going to take it all in stride. That she had her REGRETS in everything, including her children...and felt, on top of it all, GUILTY for the issues that were solely hers but bleeding over into everyone else' lives.

I am not one to talk about having past issues or cheap knock offs of Louis Vuitton luggage sitting in my trunk...yeah, you heard me, I've got junk in my trunk...

(Tom, Meg...thanks for this lesson...)

But sometimes, even when the junk in our trunk is causing us to have to not only find, but accept, bigger britches than we're used to wearing, we must press forward knowing that a wider load isn't the end all be all of our lives. Take heed of what Tom and Meg did in that cinematic masterpiece JOE Vs. the VOLCANO...they didn't let their baggage sink them. Instead, they used it to stayed afloat and ultimately learned that sometimes staying afloat was more than a blessing, it was the key to their survival.

In my humble opinion, guilt is for those that have committed crimes and religious fanatics.

Regret, I'm afraid, is something that seems to be a part of everyone's baggage with guilt as its carryon at some point or another. But it doesn't have to own us. Coping techniques and various types of therapy can sometimes ward off these feelings when we're at our worst, but they generally aren't a long term cure. At least not an immediate one. You just can't let it own you and shape your life from here, I'm talking RIGHT NOW, on out. It has to be a "thing" in the past. Unless you've maimed another human being and/or have some brunette politicians daughter/rocker chick from the 80's in a deep well in your basement, forcing it to but lotion on its skin, let it go!

I've always thought that living with regret is something no one should have to do. Living with the feelings of guilt AND regret seem to be a self-inflicted punishment that harbors misery as its greatest asset and drug. Whatever you have done, it was meant to be done or done to you, for better or worse. I certainly have made my lion's share of mistakes over my so far short 34 years, but every one of them has made me stronger in some way or another. And that strength wasn't obvious, in any one of those lessons, at first or even at the five or ten year mark. It only became clear over time.

Am I saying this because I think I'm better than any of you? Absolutely not.

It's just too bad that as humans we take these things and let it go around in our minds, or our friend's minds, until we're practically paralyzed with the thought of whatever we did as our former selves. It's poison. This is when we need to be honeybadgers. Ya know, the crazy nastyass kind that don't give a f*** if poison is coming from their food. They just get back up and go on with their crazy ass, fearless ways. (although I highly recommend you keep your love and careful regard for your fellow man, unlike the honeybadger. But these days, it's harder to keep our perspective than it used to be. I just have a strange feeling that we're all going to be honeybadgers before we know it. We're already eating poison, intellectually speaking, on a regular basis and having to get up and move on regardless...more on that in a later blog...Thanks Walt!)

So, when you're at your worst and think that this feeling will be your closest enemy for the rest of your life, think again. Let it, instead, keep you and everyone else afloat as a lesson learned instead of a weighted participle of grief on your shoulder. Remember, it, whatever it is, could have been worse.

You are worth the world. Always.

Yours in Honeybadgers, Honing in on the Future, and Housing Feelings in their Proper Place,

Cicily

The House is Burning

2011-07-16T17:06:00.003-06:00

Quote of the Day:
Finishing second in the Olympics gets you silver.
Finishing second in politics gets you oblivion.
~Richard M. Nixon~

Current Local Weather:
Rain. Yeah right.
Whatever.
Currently on my iPod:
Whataya Want From Me
Adam Lambert

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

Have you ever sat in a house, burning up in your own skin and wondering what the problem was? Has that house been yours? More often than not, it's been mine. I sit unaware that I'm the one with the floor burning beneath my feet, sweating, stinking up the whole town and waiting for rain or wind or the apocalypse/nuclear winter to cool things down. Where is my reality? Somewhere amongst the ashes, is my guess.

Yet these days the heat outside and in, is unbearable.

I've got issues with the following: (and who doesn't...)

Bills. (They just don't stop coming in, EVER.)

Love. (It was love at first sight, every time.)

Rest. (Break? Who? What? When? Do adults get breaks?)

There are some days I wonder if becoming an addict of some sort would help. I know it wouldn't help with a damn thing, but I do know that it might help strengthen my tolerance of such widespread feelings of impending doom.

But the bigger issue is how to really solve my other issues. I try. I try my very best to figure this out daily. But instead of resolution, I listen to music, write words in an orderly manner and allow the arts community to invade the very fiber of my being. I can't live without it. It's my life, my breath, my support, my family.

I recently had a woman of incredible power (albeit short lived...hopefully) in my life tell me to get a real job. (I could smell charred flesh all around me when she started in on her lecture, as I thought of my chosen profession as just that...a profession!) Hmmm..is it hot in here or is it just me?

But it turns out, the majority of the 9-5 world doesn't consider anything having to do within the arts as work. I know. I've asked most the people in the world for their opinion. (Not most, just most of those I care to hear from) Yet without the arts, writing, painting, dancing, Glee etc...we would be trapped in a burning house, oblivious to the colors the world has to truly offer. Most folks don't give a rat's butt as to how the arts get to where they currently are (youtube vs Julliard vs American Idol) they just know that they're always there for use and abuse.

A good friend of mine by the name of Bryan Pedas recently commented on my blog that he was blissfully happy writing 8 hours a day for no money now that he quit his "real" job. Bryan writes some of the best fiction I've ever read...so I have to ask this, if there weren't Bryan's and other folks that aspire to be the Rachel Berrys and Adam Shankmans of the world, where would we be? I have the feeling that we would be lifeless drones and clones of folks like this guy:

(I will be the first one to admit that I'd never like to have the ACTUAL job or be the ACTUAL person portrayed by Steve Carrell on The Office, I will gladly take on the roll of Mr. Carrell's ACTUAL wife.)

So before you criticize and condone another person's life or their chosen artsy-fartsy occupation, ask yourself this, where would you be without them and their art? You wouldn't be reading this. You wouldn't be listening to the Warblers sing "Somewhere Only We Know" because there wouldn't even be a group known as Keane. And you most certainly wouldn't be able to laugh at your cubical hell through shows like The Office. Some of us are perfectly happy with having little to no money or helping represent those with little to no money. Deal with it. It's our life, not yours.

For the artsy fartsy folks who read this, I think you should go ahead and let the house crumble around you, all the while making sure you've got a gaggle of survival supplies waiting just in case you too are found with your feet burning.

Yours in Work, Well-Done Flesh and Waking up,

Cicily

Inspiration, Acceptance and Other Oddities of A Cultural Norm

2011-06-27T02:01:00.008-06:00

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Dream as if you'll live forever,
live as if you'll die today.
~James Dean~

CURRENT LOCAL WEATHER:

Hot. Hotter. Hottest.
Messy atmospheric changes followed by a storm
consisting of a slight depression of attitude and increase in
gratitude towards the greater good.

CURRENTLY ON MY IPOD:

Forgiveness (Release)
 Sean Jones  
"No Need for Words"
(do not go another day in your life without hearing this track)

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

Today, is one of those days. The entire year, thus far, has been composed of many of “one of those” days. Largely because I think I’ve let it get to me in addition to outside karmic forces that think they’re cooler than me and are trying to take over my soul.

Last night I had one of the worst nights of my life, arguably so. Details are not important. But, I do know that the night was preceded by one of the best days I’ve had in a very long time. And today, even after the antics of the night, was better than the last.

Over the past few months, I’ve been working with a new “client/writer” in the role of me being the agent, him being the, yeah...uh...writer. :) His name is Chris Lemig. He is one of the BEST memoir writers I’ve ever spilled my noggin on. He’s taught me, or rather, schooled me, on the concept of finding inspiration and life amongst a new start/beginning.

He had obliterated his soul, a suicide case years in the making. His will to live had lost the battle. But he fought, for some reason that isn’t ours to know, and won. I surely wouldn’t be as strong today if it weren’t for knowing his story and seeing that he made it out the other side alive and well. What I continue to see sparkle through his eyes is this, it doesn’t matter where your troubled and challenging past lays, it’s how you map your course for the future that paves the way to success. Of course success doesn’t mean monetary success or the acquisition of material goods, it means success in the small stuff in life. As in staying sober another day, waking up and thanking whatever god, spouse, child, friend, lover or loving animal you have by your side, for being there one more minute to see you through the murky waters of reality.

The journey outside your personal wasteland is only something you can control. Sometimes it’s not so clear that this is the absolute truth. Sometimes it’s too clear. Regardless, we must forgive ourselves these personal trespasses and allow this particular truth to reign supreme.

I spent most of today in a “vision planning” event/potluck luncheon for the city of M anitou Springs, Colorado. This town sits shoulder to shoulder with mine and is one of the best places on Earth. Heaven? Close enough. In this town, it’s easy to feel like you’re Norm on Cheers. Everyone, at least it seems that way, knows or wants to know your name and is happy because of it.

Manitou is a town that knows that planning for the future, as we are the only ones who can truly control it, is the key to its present and further success.

To open the meeting, a video was shown. It opened with a woman giving her reason why she loved this town. She said, “I love Manitou because when you’re here, you can be any kind of weird you want to be.”

Now wouldn’t that be something else if we, as a collective whole, felt that being our own personal kind of “weird” was perfectly fine and accepted everywhere, kinda like American Express? Those feelings and voices of self doubt seeded by the outside world and it’s various colors of negativity, often discourage this. What if we became flowers instead of weeds, treasures instead of trash? The trash that now composes the core of our earth would seemingly disappear. Can we control how others feel? Absolutely not. Can we control how we represent ourselves and show others how we feel about them? Yes.

The Mayor, a State Representative, City Councilmen, Independent Business Owners, Lovers of Manitou, Artists, Natives etc. came together during this event to become a (And thank you to Bren for this phrase) collective unit of critical thinkers. Together we can do anything, apart we can do nothing. In the meeting we learned about the past and present and then found from within each other, what the future means to us.

We were asked questions like, if we could have three wishes...?

What if there were no limitations etc...Those in charge of our future in Manitou didn’t want to hear us argue or debate on how to use budget surplus and/or deficits, they wanted to know our stories, our goals and our dreams regardless of boundaries set by the societal norms.

Dreams, aspirations, goals and visions were shouted out, argued over and written down. Copious creations of mission statements were created using our skills as professional day dreamers, lovers of the world and critical thinkers.

Turns out, our core goal as a community, is to remain as one that is built upon the shoulders of love, togetherness and the wish for a better future regardless of our challenging beginnings, middles or ends. We then talked about how to take these visions beyond our borders and become a model for others. The wretchedness of the state of world affairs disappeared allowing the perhapsness of a brighter, better and healthier future to become the center of our thoughts. We built an invisible web for our fellow Springs dwellers in our minds. And although this web, on the outside, may seem like a trap or negative space we are stuck in, in reality, it is a net. We agreed that this could only add to our “net worth” as a community because it would allow us to catch those that were down, needy and troubled before they fell.

This is something, I believe, most of us search for our entire lives.There isn’t a soul on this earth, whether alone or in a cast of thousands, that doesn’t need someone to know them, to care about them and to catch them when they fall.

Pipe dream? Probably. But for one day, I, and I’m sure others did too, felt that this was completely doable and made an inner bargain not to rest until the doing was done. Without these dreamers of dreams, today would have been a day that I fell, even though I didn’t let it show, and may not have been able to get back up.

And just as Chris has inspired me through the sticky sweaty sweet smell of rebirth beneath a heat lamp of exhaustion and reality, these visionaries have shown me that a vision must be seen with your heart and ears as a gateway to your soul.

I am grateful. Always.

Yours in Dreams, Drinking in the Healing Springs and Doing,

Cicily

PS: If you’ve been following the “foot” saga on Facebook, CNN or Twitter, (That would be the Cicily News Network, not the other more biased one) you’ll know that I, once again, have been completely shit upon by my own body. But, at least this time out, it wasn’t involving my entire body, just a mere appendage. And, so far, so good, kinda. I haven’t lost the foot, so that’s a good thing. I think. One of these days I’ll have a real hollow wooden leg, and as my buddy Travis would say, I can not only “pull off” the pirate look, but have a great place to store tasty adult beverages. And if I really CAN pull of the pirate look I am that much CLOSER to having Johnny Depp as a life long mate. Right? Stay tuned. If a wooden leg becomes an ever closer aspect of my future self, I will let you guys design the carvings. :)

Spring Cleaning

2011-04-11T14:18:00.017-06:00

Quote of the Day:

You can not hate on me, because my mind is free.
~Jill Scott~

Current Local Weather:
Pollen. Cherry Trees. Fish Trees**.
Claritin D Season has finally arrived.
Late season moody clouds looming.

Currently on my iPod:
Give up the Funk
(Tear the Roof Off the Sucker)
Parliament

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

How are you? Really? Tell me more...get it out of your system...afterall it's Spring cleaning time.

This is one of the hardest times of the year. And not because it's often mistaken for a time of renewal and love and wonderfulness...because it is the time of year that sneaks up on us unsuspecting adults...We think that winter might last all year long. That the coziness of our sweats and loveliness of the fire in the hearth will continue to love us back, embracing our need to bundle up and snuggle down.

These feelings of warmth are short lived, unfortunately, and soon replaced by the constant feeling of impending doom.

The reality is this: school will soon be getting out for the summer. The ever present question of what to do over the summer...MOM! WE'RE BORED! So how do we juggle schedules and "vacations?" It rapidly becomes a trip to Nightmare city.

Then there's the shame and fear of your ever-widening hips being exposed to those cancer-causing and stressful stares and UV rays at the community pool in just a matter of months...eeks, make that weeks.

And certainly last but not least, there's the regret of that lover you met in the junk food aisle at the grocery store. It's good to have someone with you during the holidays whether it's for the right or wrong reasons, right? After all, it could be worse.

Right?

Wrong.

It's worse than the fate of an empty inbox on match.com. It's worse than your mother trying to set you up with a distant cousin because she doesn't want to deal with you moaning and groaning on New Year's Eve...

But no, not this year. You were not going to be the Bridget Jones of Powder Springs, GA. You didn't have to go to a dating website to find all you needed. You felt that you were so lucky in the beginning to have found TRUE LOVE!

He felt so good and was right there when you needed him. He held your hand and rubbed your shoulders through all of the holidays with your family. His name? Mr. Mallowbars, Mr. Quarter Pounder with Extra Cheese, Mr. Number One Meal Chick-Fil-A,

Mr. Yes, I'll take a super sized fries with that...Mr. Ramen Noodles, Mr. Snickers Ice Cream Bar, Mr. Russel Stover...he goes by ALL of those names and more. He's a real con-artist.

But he's also the one that stopped just short of being, THE ONE..(Mr. Washington, I'm still waiting for my phone call) the one whom you thought you had seriously dumped weeks ago but is being annoyingly persistent...texting, calling and wanting those late night booty calls at the refrigerator door and has the audacity to show up at all the local stores, waiting for you, beckoning for your lips at completely inappropriate times.

He is the one you really, honestly, seriously really had committed to. He loved you no matter what you looked like. But he is an asshole, a jerk, someone you can most definitely live without...the same one that is currently ruining your chance of moving on to find true happiness with the newest crush at the mall, aka Mr Gap skinny jeans and his current love, Ms. Old Navy Strappy summer-dress.

When will it ever end?!?! Ah, the madness....

Alas, this time is upon us and most certainly causing the demise of the self-esteem of women and girls in every dressing room in the country...as we speak, there are many of us who are trying on our "new" selves and praying that the latest trend bodes well with the skin we're currently residing in. But why is this?

Why is it that we, as a species, feels that we must look "new" and in touch with today's latest trends only to be disappointed by the end of May that all the clothes that were new and shiny and wonderful are gone, on clearance and betraying us with every mile we walk in the public eye?

But, fashion isn't our biggest enemy. Sure, it can bring someone down and possibly land them a spot on TLC's What Not To Wear....but it's not really an issue. Not in the bigger scheme of things. It's what happens in those dressing rooms and school bathrooms and in the privacy of private bathrooms in the homes of women and girls everywhere that should be more disgusted with. It's the itsy bitsy tees and the ordering of stripped down celery and water for dinner that we should be worried about.

I LOVE PINK. I loved her with her first appearance in the public eye. But I really fell in love with her when the song, STUPID GIRLS, came out. No, I'm not calling anyone stupid, but geeze, she's right. Listen here:

It is spring coming up on summer and the societal norm says that women should be "bikini" perfect. Embracing your inner beauty and trying on a bathing suit just isn't something that usually goes together. It's like asking for the perfect bowl of Mac-n-chz and then when it arrives, pouring ketchup all over it and taking a bite. Blech! (yes Chris, that was for you)

So I want to challenge all of my lady friends, their daughters and their daughter's daughters and every other woman I know or would like to know AND all of the men who love them to do something different this year. Instead of "Spring Cleaning" inside your house, why don't you consider cleaning out something much more important...oxyclean and scrub with bleach that wasteful, gutter-ish school of thought that American marketing execs have created within. Regardless of who you are, where you are on the road to success or where you are on the scale, the bigger picture needs to be one of love. Self-love. Self-esteem, self-interest, discovering the real self you have inside kinda love.

Who gives a s*#@ what you look like. Self-respect is much different than and much more important than just the "look" you're sporting. Yes, take care of yourself. Break-up, on a permanent basis, with the man in your pantry and his greasy, ever disgusting fingers. Don't let him taint your view of yourself. Chocolate and fries only land you a seat in the upper class of misery. Take care of yourself so you can be there for your kids, your spouse, your best-friend, your dogs and cats and fishes....take care of you, get to know you this spring. Don't fool yourself into thinking that the size you're struggling to smear on your ass right now in the Gap dressing room is equivalent to your self-worth. It's not. Never will be.

I know WAY too many people in my life right now that don't know the difference between the two. Including myself on more days than not. I'm writing this as a self-declaration. I will not let my looks trump my real self. I will not let any man, woman or in-between judge me for anything less or more than I actually am. Please don't let me down by letting someone get to you in such a way that your mind becomes cluttered with the wrong kind of crap. Fill it with ideas, informed decisions and love instead. You are worth the world.

It doesn't matter where you're at right now, it's probably filthy. Clean it out and remember that you're not alone. We've all been there or will be there at some point. Stand up for you. I love all of the people in my life, regardless of where we are, where we've been or where we're going...

Yours in Self-Esteem, Satisfying my Inner Sister and Sizing Up the Real Reason Why I Write,

Cicily

**FISH TREES: These are Bradford Pear Trees that are in bloom as we speak, in GA. They lined the campus of my high school and smell like Rotten FISH! Hence the lovely affectionate pet name they earn by all of the kiddos at McEachern High School.**

An Ex-Life a.k.a. I'm Still Waiting For Nick Cage and/or Denzel Washington to Ask Me to Marry Him

2011-02-15T02:39:00.013-07:00

Quote of the Day:
Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -
The Main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.
~John Steinbeck~

Current Local Weather:
A break in the clouds will soon
reveal that all was not lost.

Currently on my iPod:
"The Very Thought of You"
Sean Jones
The Eternal Journey

Dear friends, family and my family of friends,

Life goes on. Sometimes at the pain and suffering of everyone and everything we know, but it does...it goes and goes and goes, kinda like the energizer bunny from hell. It is what it is. Everyone grieves, some of us just show it and experience it in different ways than others or than the traditional expectation of grief.

Today is Valentine's Day. This damned commercialized and horrific spectacle of American's ability to waste all kinds of money is in honor of some historical Christian martyr named St. Valentine . With hindsight being 20/20 at all times, it's only fitting that this day started because of a martyr. Given today's commercial hype of what today is SUPPOSED (assumed without the basis or probability to be likely) to be, if it becomes anything but the epitome of the Mass market Jewelery commercial world or the sappy romantic story portrayed on films like Sleepless in Seattle etc, it becomes a disappointment.

Just for the record, Wikipedia defines Martyr as somebody who suffers persecution and/or death for refusing to renounce a belief or cause. Usually this is a religious thing. Sometimes, especially after a particularly rough break-up or heartache of any sort, we become martyrs. We go into denial. We firmly believe that without the person we were once physically and emotionally attached to, that we will die. And we will gladly die in order to get that person back in our lives. Without them, we can't live on. We become victims of sappy love songs by Journey and Air Supply. We wash ourselves with the water of denial and pretend that we're clean, okay, happy. Life will eventually go back to the way it was because that's the way it should be.

But this is where the disappointment starts, your so-called "life" ends and the pain begins to multiply like gnats and maggots on a piece of rotten road kill in the middle of July.

Despondence.

Suffering.

Persecution.

Pain.

Loneliness.

Whatever.

We allow ourselves to relish in martyrdom. We don't want to cause any further harm or pain to the person that used to love us. Of course we don't want to do that. It was never an intention in the first place, but it was entirely one sided in the other person's mind up until the moment they destroyed the ideal relationship by breaking it off. After al, if you set out in a relationship to hurt someone, than there's something seriously wrong with you. Like, WTF? Really? Maybe you're the rebound sort of person in any relationship you start and never truly finish. Maybe you're an expert voodoo practitioner and want to experiment with someone's trust and heart...

This isn't the case for most. It's certainly not the case for me. I believe that it's healthy to own a voodoo doll, for therapy reasons. Just to get it, whatever it is, boyfriend, girlfriend, college prof that failed you more times than not, family members that failed you etc...out of your system. But it's only a silly, nonsensical and temporary solution. We're talking about the life you've modeled in your head, not the actual life that is being lived out in front of you. This isn't the real you or the real life that all the world can see, mock and destroy in less than a nanosecond.

This is reality.

I recently went through a horrific breakup, twice over. They are both still in progress, I suppose. I'm living right smack in the middle of my soon-to-be ex-life and trying very hard, to gain perspective.This is the most sought after skill and asset anyone can get after a breakup. Perspective. Usually a good friend is there to teach you all about it or slap you until you understand where it is you need to start and where it is you need to finish.

Tonight, I was talking to a good friend of mine and he asked me if I had written men off completely...I took a minute and thought long and hard about it and said, no.

This doesn't mean I think love is wonderful.

This doesn't mean I think my life is anywhere near okay right now. But I'm not in denial anymore. My ship has docked and I'm now standing on the shore with my water wings deflated and my ability to swim, gone...I'm living in quick sand and failing miserably at surviving.

This means I currently think that love, romantic love, SUCKS ASS. But this isn't a forever thing. I hope.

(Nick Cage, this blog is for you. If you're still wondering if I'll marry you, the answer is yes. Most. Definitely. But only if Denzel Washington doesn't get to me first.
You both have my home address and my cell phone number. Please call, text or email me and please lift the restraining order. I promise not to show up at either of your homes naked, ever again. Really I do.)

So back to reality. What to do now. I don't yet consider myself on the market. I want to love more than I do now, after all, love is the most awesomest, best thing ever. I want to be loved by someone other than kids and family. I want a companion. But I'm not looking. I need to raise my beautiful girls first and teach them to do as I say, not as I do. That's the good thing about life lessons. If you learn them early enough in life, you have the opportunity to share your experience, for good or bad, better or worse, with those younger and more wide-eyed than you. If only I could go back to the 8-yr old me and tell me what not to do. But then again, I wouldn't be who I am today without the pain and heartache and tragedy and comedies of my life thus far, right? Right.

So, I honestly don't know when/if I ever will consider myself on the market again. Trusting someone, as a friend, lover, companion and to put the toilet seat down in the middle of the night and to lie to you when you cook something horrible and tell the truth when you have lipstick on your teeth, is going to take some time.

I need to get over it and get on with it. In this sense, this blog is for me. It's only purpose is to put in writing what I need to be doing and get out of this current rut. I need to fall back in love with my original purpose and recognize that the person I was with these other people is not the person I want to be. After all, as my psuedo- I wish she was my real sister, ex boyfriend's sister said and rather bluntly so, why on earth do you want to be with someone that doesn't love you back.

She was right. I don't. Yes, I still love him.Very much so. If he asked me now to take him back, I would probably take a good long pause to think about it as I still think the world of him even though I shouldn't. But then I would say no. You're not the one. You never were. I know I should be more jaded but I'm not yet there. I'm past denial, past anger, past everything but the depression of it all.

But I can still love. I have the confidence in myself to do so. I can still want love, great sex, good wine, saucy risotto and someone to share the joys of life with. But it's just going to have to be someone truly wonderful and special and someone that thinks the world of me (honestly so) just as much as I think the world of them. It has to be someone that isn't a part of my ex-life and someone that is part of my new life. Someone that loves my kids and me for who we are. I don't really care if it takes another lifetime and a half to find this person, for if it never happens, it's okay. What's that saying? It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Yeah, sure.

But do know that although I'm not myself lately and haven't been for a while that I still love you. All of you. My readers, my friends, my family, and everyone in between. Even those that have done wrong by me and that I've done wrong to.

Enjoy the rest of your Valentine's Martyr-ish kinda day and remember that you don't have to die inside in order to be loved on the outside and inside of who you really are.

Yours in Love, Wanderlust and Losing it All Just to Find You Were Never Lost in the First Place,

Cicily

PS: Speaking of love, keep your eye out for the next edition of Daniel Casey's cool site: Gently Read Literature. I have a review of an awesome, absolutely loved-it novel, Van Gogh's Ear by the stupendous writer, David Nash, coming out in the March issue.

How Grey’s Anatomy Can Save Your LIfe: One Line of Dialogue at a Time a.k.a. the real story of what happened last year.

2011-01-23T09:23:00.004-07:00

Quote of the Day:
Depression is the inability to construct a future.
~Rollo May

Current Local Weather:
White Noise coming in droves from the
Microwave Vent in order to quiet
the storms inside.

Currently on my iPod:
Interlude:
The 2nd Happiest Song in the World
The Project

Dear friends, family and my family of friends,

I’m not one to follow television shows. Okay, that’s a lie. I am. If I had an actual television and cable, I’d be a sucker for a few shows that are on right now.

Grey’s Anatomy
Modern Family
and of course, my absolute favorite show...beating out 90210 from my teen years, Glee.
I’m addicted.
I can admit it but I’m not quite ready to go into recovery.

I know it’s been a long, long time since I’ve blogged on here. But it’s been a long, long, looonnngg time since I’ve even felt like myself. My life has kinda turned upside over the last nine or so months. Throughout these nine months of my pregnancy (thank you Dr. LaMonica and Dr. Martin for making sure it was a nine month pregnancy instead of a seven month one) I spent the better part of 15 weeks locked up in medical hell. One week was in the ICU courtesy of Mag Sulfate flooding my lungs. When the docs asked the father, if it came down to it, would it be me or the baby, I knew I was screwed. Or at least thought I was, but that was after the fact. I didn’t actually hear them say this, but they did. I then spent one week wondering if I was going to live. This wasn’t the week in the ICU. This was the week I was diagnosed with a blood clot in my internal right jugular. Nothing says, you may be dead any minute now, than when the doc comes in, gives you the prognosis/diagnosis and then sends in the clergy to ask you if you need anything and if he can pray for you and then the social worker to help you fill out a will/durable power of attorney.

Then there was the birth. C-section with a massive blood loss that rendered me, as my doc put it, profoundly anemic. What a joy it is to be in my skin!

Not to mention crippling depression that lingers on a daily basis but is somewhat clearing. Every single day, not knowing if it was going to be my last, be painful, or be wonderful will mess with your head. Talk about a range of emotions.

So what do I have to show for all this shit?

Natalie Jane.

December 7th, 1020am
7lbs 11oz.

She couldn’t be more perfect.

So back to that thing about being myself. One would think that it would be even harder now that I’m a mom, again. Starting over in the game of life in ways you will never know about. I could blame the hormones from the pregnancy. Or...it could have been that I needed a break from who I was in order to take a step back and really look at the world around me. My rose colored glasses shattered one afternoon and I began to see the world for what it was. I would like to believe that I found out what is truly important to me. I found love, in all the wrong and right places. I found sacrifice. I found out what it means to fight for what you believe in. I also found out that sometimes what turns out to be the right solution for you is not the solution others thought should have played out.

Going through the amount of trauma that I went through in a small amount of time will change you. It would change anyone.

Now, my life is planning writing retreats (October folks. If you want info, email me), watching shows like Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix while I feed my little one in the middle of the night and then praying, begging, borrowing and stealing snippets of sleep. And I’m trying to get healthy...actually I’m not trying. I’m GOING TO get healthy and stay that way for the rest of my life. This is the year I say good-bye to all the docs and medications and other shit that I’ve been carrying around as if it were a Prada handbag. (Thanks Kate)

Last night, while feeding an infant and obsessing over Grey’s Anatomy, I heard this: “When the battle chooses us, that’s when the sacrifice turns out to be more than we can bare.”

For now, think about that.

I believe the writers of Grey’s Anatomy knew what I needed to hear in that moment. I wouldn't say they saved my life, but they sure as hell helped me gain perspective. Again. I wish I was friends with the writers.

I heard the line, “I’ve heard it’s possible to grow up, I’ve just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Like children, we never give up hope.”

I won’t say that I’ve given up hope, but I think it’s about damn time I actually grow up and take more responsibility for who I am, where I am and what I’m doing. Being aware of this is sometimes more difficult than you would think. Try it some time. And when you try it, don’t lie to yourself about any of your current factors. Not that I’m trying to change the world, but hell, if more of us owned up to our true realities, the world might work a little bit better and more of us would get off our asses and try to truly change it.

 So I continue to watch Grey’s each night, wondering if by season 3, Meredith will finally get back into McDreamy’s pants. Then again, McDreamy is just that. A dream. He’s not real. In the end, just like the nursery rhyme, life is but a dream. Is it? Really? I sure as hell hope so because this means that one of these fine sunny days in hell, I will wake up to the life I’ve earned and was always meant to have. For now? For now, I’m going to continue to put myself out there even though I’ve decided that all the craziness will make me crazier, but I’m going to do it anyway.

Yours in McDreams, McShit and McDoing the Right Thing,

Cicily

Happy Holidays and A Little Announcement

2010-12-23T11:44:00.004-07:00

Quote of the Day:
Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems,
but it makes things more acceptable for a while.
~ Unknown~

Current Local Weather:
Showers of urine along with unreasonable
and frequent shit storms on the horizon.

Currently on my iPod:
Lush Life
Kurt Elling
"Dedicated to You"

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

Tis the season, eh? Sheesh, has it really been 5 months since my last blog? I suppose so. Want to know what I've been up to?

Here ya go:

World, I would like for you to meet Natalie Jane.
She was born on December 7th at 1020am. 7lbs, 11oz.

So if you were wondering what I was doing with my time, that's about it. Actually, that isn't it...it's just the main piece of the puzzle for now. I would write about the pregnancy and how it absolutely sucked 99.9% of the nine months, but I'm going to save that for when I'm less sleep deprived. This way, I can assure you that it won't just be a top ten list of complaints about living in my own skin and written in a more cohesive manner.

As of right now, Natalie is in a coma from her gluttonous intake of milk. I think I should join her while I can and rest my weary bones.

I promise for a more interesting and informative blog later on.

I hope that all of you have a very Merry Christmas and an even better 2011.

Yours in Drool, Darlings and Doing the Right Thing,

Cicily

Quickie Thank You's and Shout Out

2010-07-29T21:50:00.005-06:00

Quote of the Day:
It is not clear that intelligence
has any long-term survival rate.
~Stephen Hawking~

Current Local Weather:
Crap is falling straight from the sky
at an alarming rate and landing on my shoulders.

Currently on my iPod:
Blood Bank
~Bon Iver~

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

This is a quickie post. I must say that my week or so on the road to promote my book taught me a lot. I know now why folks do this. As horrendous as it is to give birth to a book it is all worth it in the end. Despite the disappointments, the positives, the love, the hate...I've forgotten, already..., about the pain.

I wanted to thank the following people who have helped me survive these past few weeks and have made them actually enjoyable:

Natalie at Black Cat Books in Manitou Springs. You made my birthday and book release one of the best days of my life. I can not possibly thank you enough for all you've done. You're in my heart forever.

Mike and Ashton Cigars and all the dudes working and hanging at Cigars on 6th in Denver. What a fun time. You guys rock my world and I'm so very thrilled to have you support Ned and me.

Abby Murray and the CS Writers Reading Series: You inspire me beyond belief and I am so glad we're in eachother's circle of crazies. Thanks for having me...

Joni at the Book Lady Bookstore in Savannah, GA for hosting me and for providing love, feedback and a warm, friendly smile when I truly needed it.

Ellen and the crew at Foxtale Books in Woodstock, GA. You guys are so overly generous with your promotion and love that I am still feeling it all the way back in Colorado.

George at Eagle Eye Bookstore in Decatur, GA. Love the yellow hat and even more love the atmosphere you provided for me. Despite the lower turn out, meeting you made it all worth it.

I hope if you're a writer, especially one living anywhere near the vicinity of these fine independent book stores that you'll consider making them not only your regular shop for new and used books but also a place where you will hold your own book signings and events in the future.

Also, if you're looking to read more about how I got to where I am...you can go here:

Guide To Literary Agents ( I was a guest columnist for the How I Got My Agent Section...thank you Chuck!)

You can also pick up a copy of September's Issue of Writer's Digest and see a nod in the Notable Debut section for the New Face of Jazz. If you're a writer, I highly suggest you pick this issue up as it has so much amazing advice for writers it's like getting an entire writing conference's worth of advice in the palm of your hands.

I have some more news I'll share with you sooner or later too. And for those who have emailed etc. I am doing fine and the baby is doing great too. I'm at 19 weeks now! Almost half way there...eeks!

Yours in Surviving, Staying Strong and Skittles,

Cicily

Here Tis'

2010-07-11T20:09:00.002-06:00

Quote of the Day:
Dream as if you'll live forever,
live as if you'll die today.
~James Dean

Current Local Weather:
Amazingly high spirited winds
gusting across a boosted ego valley.

Currently on my iPod:
Avalon
Nat King Cole

Dear Family, Friends and my Family of Friends.

IT'S HERE! Need I say more? Go to your local independent booksellers and buy your copy of THE NEW FACE OF JAZZ TODAY! I can't f********* ******** believe it's done. Actually done and available for you to read.

I have readings, signings, parties and more scheduled for a lot of places. Please go HERE for all information regarding dates. You can click on the header titled TOURS AND SIGNINGS.

I truly hope to see everyone at them. And if you run a jazz organization or radio show or blog about anything relevant to books or jazz, or whatever! I'm more than happy to arrange a signing or schedule an interview. I'm chatty. Trust me. But, if you read this blog you already knew that.

Much love to everyone and I'll tune in for a life from the road post soon.

Yours in Books, Believing Dreams Can Come True and Busting One's Own Ass To Get To a Better Place in Life,

Cicily Janus

Catching Up With the Old and the New

2010-05-22T14:39:00.005-06:00

Quote of the Day:

Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.
~Robert Anthony

Current Local Weather:
Hotter than hell on it's hottest days. Humidity is
at 200% and chance of stroking out
is around 100%.

Currently on my iPod:
GG Train
Charles Mingus

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

You may be asking yourself why it's hotter than hell in here or at least up in the local weather forecast. Well, I'm sitting in the Jacksonville, Florida airport waiting on my plane to take me back to a reasonable, cooler, less humidity and more friendly but weathered destination like DENVER or COLORADO SPRINGS! Colorado...my beloved Colorado...I shall never leave you again. I'm sorry for straying this far from home and believe me, because I know you're going to ask when I get there...it was worth it for the business, but it wasn't worth the physical discomfort. Please accept my apologies and take me back into your arms.

Moving on.

I was here (Jacksonville, FL) for a very good reason. It's my next book project and believe me, it was well worth the humidity and the thigh stickage to uber hot leather seats in the rental car. You can also say that I'm stimulating the economy by taking such trips and advancing my career and the amount of reading material in the world...yeah, that's it. I'm working WITH the government to advance our current economic climate.

Jacksonville, Florida, for those who know me, is no stranger in my life. I lived here for several years during college while attending The University of North Florida. U.N.F. (a.k.a. You Never Finish). I'm sure some folks graduate each year from the fine institute of learning it is, but not too many of us in the jazz department did, so it is what it is. I haven't been here since that fateful day in 1998 that I left the grounds and said I never would look back. Then again, I've said that about a lot of things in my life and had to suck on my own words a few years later. So traveling to the land of the Osprey's was bittersweet at best. I was most looking forward to meeting the folks I am working with on this book and catching up with the old folks who know that I'm not always the classy kinda gal I appear to be.

Catching up, in many ways, can be a blessing and a curse. Of course there's always the one man that got away that you WISH you would have had the opportunity to make a future with. There's the girlfriend/wife that now OWNS that man and then there are the friends who are more/less successful than you and you wonder, whether it is more/less, how in the hell they got where they are. There's the gossip, the rumors, the poking fun at yourself or each other, the back and forth that was once so integral to your existence. Catching up also, in one way or another, can force you to take a good look at how far you've digressed or progressed in your own goals in life. Goals, of course, change over time just as we all do both personally and professionally. My goals, and this is hard core fact, have changed drastically over the last few years, and even more so if you look back on my last fifteen years of life.

I used to want to be a professional trumpet player. I LIVED for the horn. I practiced day/night, worked on gigs I thought would forward me to the next level, took lessons from the VERY best folks, and even went to school to try my hand at making a living with it. Sure, it worked for a while but then I found that when you DO all the work you set out to do at a feverish pace from the time you're in middle school on into college, you learn first hand what the words BURN OUT mean.

So I changed my ground to nursing. Sure, say what you want. But this was "easy" for me to change to. I loved people (still do for the most part), I enjoy taking care of others, and I hate to see others in pain. Whammo, for ten years my goal was realized. I worked in a variety of areas in the nursing field but soon felt that I was unfulfilled as a creative soul. I began writing as a way of coping with this. Throughout all this time, I was a writer on the inside but never outwardly expressed it. Ryan soon went off to Basic Training to realize his goal of supporting his family as a musician and I strayed from the nursing world to write for a while. Soon enough, this writing "hobby" became a full-blown Glenn Close like obsession. Most writers will tell you this is true with their careers as well. Starts out safe, happy, and not fully realized. Soon enough, you find yourself wanting the career to leave it's current wife and kids and be YOURS. ONLY YOURS. OR YOU WILL KILL IT AND ALL OF ITS OFFSPRING!

I digress. Not that I would EVER do that...

Of course people thought, at first, that I was crazy when I went into nursing. No, not crazy, desperate. But I survived it and now have TONS of fodder for books I'll never write. Of course everyone I knew had a hard time accepting the fact that I was going to leave a well paying, respected job like nursing so I could pay more attention to the voices in my head. I shouldn't talk like these voices are bad things. After all, they changed my life in so many great ways. I have a career, albeit in its infancy, that is enviable and wonderful and ideal. I have so many great new friends and I have lots of that great new concept called: TIME. I spend lots of time with my kids, my loved ones, and supporting other writers in their quest to get published.

But catching up, back to the original premise of the blog, has helped me realize that I'm in a great place. I'm not so afraid of UNF or it's surroundings because it no longer has the same meaning or symbolism to me. It's not a place where I failed to realize one dream, it's a place that helped me get to where I needed to be to live amidst my new dream. One of those circular journeys in life, I suppose. I was first here as a young (17) college kid hoping that what I picked to follow in my education was what I was meant to do. And although many of my friends are still in that same dream they began years and years ago, I am not. But what I learned through catching up with myself and my friends, is that no matter where you go, where you stray off to, how much weight you gain or lose or where you intend to be in the next fifty years, change is always waiting for you around the corner.

I don't really feel the need to reminisce or worry about what has been or what is to be, from now on, and for the little one inside of me and the little ones and even the big ones I love that live with my cranky and sweaty butt on a daily basis, I'm living in the now.

Yours in Catching Up, Cooling Down, and Carrying On,

Cicily

Serenity NOW and Other Priorities in Life

2010-04-21T15:52:00.006-06:00

Quote of the Day:
Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going
to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.
~C. Palahniuk~

Current Local Weather:
Spring showers. Lots of them, including
pollen, stinky pear trees, gray skies and all.
90% chance that they'll be followed by
tears, sneezes and utter disappointment
in your sinuses.

Currently on my iPod:
April in Paris
Charlie Parker with Strings
(i.m.o. this is one of the most absolute essential recordings any person can own. If you don't have it, shame on you.)
Peace, Piece
Bill Evans
(listening to them over and over as a matter of fact to calm my soul)

Dear Friends, Family and My Family of Friends,

Okey dokey. I know, it's been a long time since I've posted. Sorry folks, I've been a slight bit stressed, put-out, put-down, and hurting in ways I don't even want to talk about...at least physically so.

I believe it was George's father, Frank...ya know, those folks from Seinfeld...who cried out the infamous phrase: SERENITY NOW! The whole purpose of him screaming this out was to supposedly lower his blood pressure.

Lately, at least on an internal level more than external, this has been my mantra. I've been known to scream it out while I'm in the shower and at the nurses who have been so patiently waiting on me, hand and foot, while I have made many, many...too many, visits to some of the local hospitals. The medical shit is really starting to get to me. I'm hoping to see an end to it all very, VERY, soon.

As for my regularly scheduled life, it's not slowing down no matter what. Sick? Nah! I can still do all of your press kits, bios and liner notes and write your mother's father's sister's god-mother's daughter's first cat owner's neighbor's little kid brother's biography! Bring it on.

Seriously though, I'm beginning to wear thin. Yes, I've lost weight but that's besides the point.

Sometimes we have to start prioritizing our lives. I have been doing this to the nth degree since I have been faced down with my own mortality hard and fast lately.

I think we all have these but somehow, somewhere, in our crazy days and nights and weeks and months and years, they get buried. Screw over the shit in your life that doesn't matter. Trust me, the stuff that doesn't matter will eventually leave you alone.

If you're curious, here are the priorities I'm making in my own life right about now:

If my stomach allows food on any given day, I'm eating dessert first. I have to survive on something, right?
If I have the opportunity to listen to music, like REALLY listen to music in the quiet sanctuary of my home, I'm only listening to only the very best. Life is WAY too short to listen to crap.
Reading. Don't sweat the BIG stuff. I've invested some time in reading shorts by famous folks. They're WONDERFUL. Start with George Saunders. He is self-described as Disney on Acid. I saw him read in person at AWP and he's completely accurate with that description. I've also recently invested in a writer's group here in town. I LOVE THEM. And I'm not sure how I've lived without them. They give the voices from my head their much needed validation.
Writing. I'm cutting out the writing crap in my life. Period. I'm only writing crap that I find interesting.
Kids. Nuff' said. Lying around playing Candy Land has it's perks.
Love. Find it. Got it? Keep it. Don't lie to yourself or anyone else about the love you've "got" or the love you think they want for you. Go after the love you've always wanted RIGHT now. Be the person you want to love or you want someone else to know. The real person. I'm a firm believe in the saying that Love Wins. It ALWAYS wins. Even if it's self love, you deserve it. We all do.
Yoga. When I'm well enough to attend the bi-weekly class, I do. Downward dog is VERY helpful in a physical and emotional way.
Friends. Got em? Keep em. Period. Don't overcrowd your life with simple acquaintances. For the ones that come through for you no matter the circumstance, give them the time they need in return. Simple acquaintances are great, but they can usually wait for a response to their needs. Also, re-evaluate those in your life that ONLY take and never GIVE. I know you can't do anything about family, but you can about everyone else. Are you exhausted with doing things for those that never are willing to help you back? Dump em.
Emails. Can it wait? Even a few days? Probably. Ask people not to forward crap to you unless you are one of those that can't live without it. And unless it's one of your friends asking for advice or a business issue, let it be. If it's a friend and it's logistically possible, take them out to lunch instead of returning an email. Or call them! Novel idea...I know...
Cleaning. Blech. Do it better and you'll have to do it less often.
The retreats. They cleanse and renew my soul even though they take mucho amounts of work to get to the actual house with everyone intact.

At least this is my list. This is essentially my life right now, other than book tour planning, and other such business matters. If you're one of those that are eagerly anticipating my book's release, well, we're only a few months away! Details regarding appearances, workshops and more are coming soon. Thanks, as always, for reading.

SERENITY NOW!

Yours in stressful days, seemingly lovely and stress-less sleep and sinus infections,

Cicily

The True Meaning of Life

2010-02-17T17:22:00.003-07:00

Quote of the Day:
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.
~Charles A. Beard~

Current Local Weather:
Coldfront with inevitable snow showers will be sliding in
from the outside while warmth is felt all around inside.

Currently on my iPod:
Don't You Worry Bout A Thing
Stevie Wonder

Dear friends, family and my family of friends,

Usually, when life takes you by the neck and squeezes so tight you believe that reality is not only out to get you but actually threatening to kill you, people say you get to find out who your true friends are. Over the last month, I got to be one of the special people in this world that knows what a TRUE 10 is on a scale of 1-10 of pain. I also found out that I can endure an enormous amount of emotional distress...I got to take a field trip in the hospital from my medical bed when the doctor told me the "pain" was in my head to the suicide watch bed and see what all that consists of in a hospital setting...Regardless, this is my point, I found life among the pain, chaos and feverish storm my body was creating.

I am truly blessed. Truly, enormously and surprisingly blessed with life.

I found out that my true friends are all over the place, even as far away as Australia. Some people discount the weight of internet friendships and say that it is all about hooking up or that your internet friends aren't actual friends. Turns out that I have an enormous network of people that I have met and not met and talked to online and not talked to but maybe once or twice, that poured out of the woodwork to save not only my sanity but my life. The internet is a god-send in many ways and for me, it truly saved my life.

Tsk...tsk...go ahead, say it.

But, when I announced that I was in the hospital (of course the hospital has wi-fi, they'll serve you coffee too!) to my network of twitter folks and facebook, I started getting daily phone calls (people found the hospital, the room number and began to ring my ears off!) cards, e-cards, messages of affirming love and well-wishes and queries regarding what kind of help they could provide me even from a distance. Over 1,000 messages/cards and whatnots arrived. Packages of books, music and downloads came in by the dozens. I got flowers from my best girlfriends and guy friends. Even when I was too out of it to remember people calling, I got calls. I cried myself to sleep most nights thinking of not just the pain but wondering about the simple statement of, do I deserve this?

I believe, when we're at our worst, we should burrow down and ask these kinds of questions. Leading up to the 18 day stay followed by a reprieve of 3 days only to be admitted again for another 8 days, I had been in pain. I had over 23 ER visits in one year for the same pain, in the same place and with the same intensity. It struck me at all hours, and sometimes rendered me unable to walk or even breathe properly. When I got off the plane in Denver from the NAMM show, I was swollen, barely able to walk and vomiting every few feet. I had to go get help.

Doctors earlier in the year, other than my newest pal in the medical field, Dr. Larry Melia, had given me the run around. I had one ER doc tell me that pain affected every woman and that I just needed to get in line and learn to deal. I had one doc ask me if I was an IV drug user. I had another that denied me care because he said that I had been in the ER too many times and they weren't going to give me pain meds anymore. I guess it didn't matter to him that I had not asked for pain meds, but merely an ultrasound of my swollen, tight and somewhat puckered belly. I cried. And cried. And cried. Many, many nights I had pain so bad that Dr. Melia would get a call just to reassure me that I wasn't dying.

I was admitted to the hospital over Thanksgiving. I spent three days in there and the GI doctor said that he was sure that I had some kind of adhesion disorder as my stomach just didn't "look" right but he couldn't pin point it to a disease and that the general surgeon on call that day refused to even come in and talk to me about it.

Six nights into my stay in Porter Adventist in Denver, the surgeon I trusted came into my room and told me what I did not and could not stand to hear. He said that this pain was all in my head and that a good dose of haldol or anti-depressants would do me some good. I not only began to cry, but I began to doubt my ability as a human being to think and react logically to what I was feeling on a physical and an emotional level.

The psychiatrist and nurse came in my room the next night and asked me what they could do to help put my mind at ease. I asked for a second surgical opinion and if he would say that it was in my head then I would put matters to rest and seek serious psychological help, including an admission to a state facility. I've never been so crazed and out of my mind. I was hurting, throwing up and losing weight and it seemed that it was a sort of "depression."

The next morning the wonderful Dr. Tilquist came into my room, took one look at the old scar embedded into my upper left quadrant of my abdomen and said, what about Monday? He was shocked and surprised at the difficult time I had been given and was more than willing to take a look. I don't remember much about the day of the surgery other than telling him, as they wheeled me in, that if he found "nothing" that they were to just sedate me for the rest of my life.

Three something hours later, one large mid-line incision later and the removal of copious amounts of scar tissue that was binding up my stomach, colon and innumerable other organs, I was declared "fixed."

Despite the heinous complications I had thereafter, I feel better. But I feel better in a way I never expected. I feel grounded, full of life and in love once again. Things are brighter than they were the days before this as I truly hit rock bottom. And instead of abandonment by my "friends and family" I was lifted up upon the shoulders of everyone I have come in contact with over the years and brought to a healing place by the warmth of their hands and hearts.

This, in my humble opinion, is the meaning of life. If we can not lift each other up when we are down, whether it is the people of Haiti or our next door neighbor or fellow writers etc...then what good is the life we're living. I have a renewed sense of spirit and belief in my fellow man. That sounds quite stilted but it's honestly how I feel. Again, I am truly blessed and as I said on my facebook update the other day, in the game of life, I'm finally winning.

Yours in fevers, friendship and finally finding yourself,

Cicily

Writing Away Retreats: May 6-10th, 2010

2010-02-04T01:24:00.012-07:00

Quote of the Day:
Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start now and make a brand new ending.
---Carl Bard

Current Local Weather:
Soft, beautiful snow with
waves of gut-wrenching pain

Currently on
my iPod:
"Turn Around"
The Bittersweet
David Ryan Harris

Dear friends, family, and my family of friends,

You all are owed a nice, long and info. filled blog about my adventures over the last few months....trust me, I'll get it to you soon. As soon as humanly possible. Really I will.

But, for now, I'm throwing out an advert. for the Spring Writing Away Retreats. Taking place in Breckenridge, Colorado this coming May, this is a great opportunity for writers of all levels to receive feedback from top players in the literary world.

This May you have the opportunity to work with:

Kevin Doughten, Associate Editor with Penguin/Viking
Tim O'Connell, Associate Editor with Random House
Sorche Fairbank, Literary Agent with Fairbank Literary Agency
Linda Rohrbough, Bestselling author and Writing Coach, Editor etc.
Kevin Doughten, Associate Editor with Penguin/Viking

10K word MS critique with each of these pro's is included in the cost...not to mention great food, great company and a great lodge...

Want to give a boost to your career? Longing for a better place to learn the craft of writing? Yeah, got it all right here...

Writing Away Retreats

See you in May...

Yours in Better Career Beginnings, Boosting Your Smiles and Believing in Yourself,

Cicily

CD's You Should Have Bought This Year But Probably Didn't

2009-12-13T02:08:00.010-07:00

Quote of the Day:
Listen or thy tongue will
keep thee deaf.
~Indian Proverb

Current Local Weather:
Freeeeeezing Cold Sunny Days
with Relaxation Showers and No
Deadline to Speak Of

Currently on my iPod:
Keep it Loose, Keep it Tight
Amos Lee

(Jeremy Facknitz)

Dear friends and family and my family of friends,

Yes, it's the end of the year. Thank goodness. It's been a hell of a life-changing, mood altering season of growing and learning and living to the fullest I can possibly live. I wish you were here. Right here. Next to me. The couch is now sinking in from where I have sat too many nights, at this time of the night, writing my thoughts, both good and bad, down for all to read either now or much, much (posthumously) later. Details on where to find my diary to come in a blog later. MUCH later.

(Chris Tarry)

Yet the one thing good about closing out a year this great is the recap of it. This is an act that nourishes my already healthy ego and also helps me keep things in perspective. Any time I get impatient with my own progress or with a goal that seems all too distant, I can go back and read the recapping of a year that passed by at break-neck speed and changed my life. But the recap of this year will happen during my new years blog. This blog...which isn't too late or early enough is a recap of all the great music that's been put out this year. Many of these artists are strangers to the mainstream for now. MANY MANY of them have busted their wallets and their ass to promote themselves and have succeeded in small ways.

(Rudder)

(Ricky Sweum)

As usual, I want to help out. Help them in anyway I can. I believe that music is the best gift you can give anyone. Whether it be escorting a friend to a phenomenal performance or just gifting a few iTunes to a friend who is in need of a boost, a lift of the mood and funk they're in at that moment. Music stays with us wherever and whenever we need it. Think back to some of your fondest memories growing up...I remember Culture Club tunes and Aha's "Take On Me" playing in the distant background. I remember where I was the first time I heard Maria Schnieder's music. That moment changed my life. Music is by far, one of the most potent and powerful aphrodisiacs and mood destabalizers/stabalizers ever created by humans. Hell, even the birds know the power of a great tune! It can land them a mate and or ward off an enemy.

(Matt Wilson)

So, this Christmas or even in the next year and coming years, take this into account. Make it your resolution, if you're the type to make such claims, to ignore the Top 40 list and go with the indie folks, the jazz underground, the singer/songwriters who write more poetry than most poets I know and those that are probably eating Ramen Noodles right now instead of steak just to make it between gigs.

Here's a LONG list (My 50 picks) of folks to start with. Some of these folks I know personally. Some of them I have listened to their stories over and over in an attempt to get it down on paper. Some I have never ever met and maybe never will, but I feel I know them very well through their words and lovely melodies. Either way, ALL of these folks are worth getting to know and supporting. Show some love... got it? Now, without further ado, here's the list:

**each artist and name of the album is also a link...please buy the music from the artist on their site. This ensures that the artist receives all the proceeds from the sale. **

Singer/Songwriter: Jeremy Facknitz, Music from the Original Motion Pictu re Soundtrack
Jazz Drummer/Funny Guy: Matt Wilson , That's Gonna Leave A Mark
Composer/bassist: Ben Allison, Think Free
Composer/Bassist: Chris Tarry, Live at the Birds Eye, Switzerland
Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Ricky Sweum, Pulling Your Own Strings
Jam Band/Funky Tastemakers: Rudder, Matorning
Jazz pianist/Composer: Vijay Iyer, Histrocity
Jazz pianist/Composer: Matthew Shipp, Harmonic Disorder
Trumpeter/Composer: Dave Douglas, Spirit Moves
Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Joe Lovano, Folk Art
Singer/Songwriter Group: As Tall As Lions, The Circles EP
Jazz Bassist: Christian McBride, Kind of Brown
Jazz Trumpeter: Roy Hargrove, Emergence
Jazz Pianist/Composer: Robert Glasper, Double Booked
Singer/Songwriter/Folk: The Bird and the Bee, One Too Many Hearts
Singer/Songwriter: Regina Spektor, Far
Jazz Composer/Saxophonist: Chris Greene, Merge
Contemporary Drummer: Paul Wertico, Impressions of A City
Jazz Vocalist: Kurt Elling, Dedicated To You
Jazz Bassist: Stanley Clarke, Jazz in the Garden
Jazz Vocalist/Songwriter/Composer: Allan Harris, Dedicated to You, Allan Harris Sings Nat King Cole Christmas
Jazz Vocalist/Poet/Composer/Mover-Shaker: Rene Marie, Slut Energy Theory
Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Woody Witt, Seasons Ago
Jazz Trumpeter/Professor/Composer: Alan Hood, Just A Little Taste
Jazz Trumpeter/Composer/Classical Trumpeter: Suresh Singaratnam, Lost in New York
Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Jake Saslow, Lucky 13
Jazz Vocalist/WonderWoman: Melody Gardot, My One and Only Thrill
Jazz Composer/Leader: Darcy James Argue, Secret Society Presents: Infernal Machines
Jazz Saxophonist/Composer: Seamus Blake, Live in Italy
Jazz Composer/Saxophonist: Jeremy Udden, Torchsongs
Jazz Bassist/Composer: Janek Gwizdala, Live at the 55 Bar
Uh, no category-group/ear candy: Slavic Soul Party, Taketron
Jazz Vocalist/Songwriter: Karrin Allyson, By Request, The Best of Karrin Allyson
Jazz Pianist/Composer/Great conversationalist: Jim Beard, Revolutions
Jazz Bassist/Composer: Joe Martin, Not By Chance
Jazz Guitarist/Wonderfingers: Pete McCann, Extra Mile
Jazz Composer/Guitarist/Visual Artist: Miles Okazaki, Generations
World Music Extraordinaire: Ballake Sissoko, 3MA
Jazz Guitarist/Composer: Jonathan Kreisberg, The South of Everywhere
Jazz Composer/Film Score Genius/Trumpeter: Terence Blanchard, Choices
Jazz Saxophonist/Composer/text buddy: Noah Preminger, Dry Bridge Road
Jazz Trumpeter/Poet/Soulwriter: Nicholas Payton, Into the Blue
Jazz Bassist/Fatherfigure/Educator/Composer: John Clayton, Brother to Brother
Singer/Songwriter Vocalist: Jonah Smith, Lights On
Jazz Guitarist: Bobby Broom, Bobby Broom Plays For Monk
Jazz Composer/Pianist/Leader: Michel Camilo, Caribe (Live DVD/CD)
Jazz Pianist/Composer: Dan Cray, Over Here, Over Heard
Jazz Organist/Composer/Magic Soul Man: Pat Bianchi, East Coast Roots
Jazz Pianist/Composer/Educator/Arranger: Bill Cunliffe, The Blues and the Abstract Truth
Composer/Arranger/Film Scorer/Bad Ass Supporter/Friend/Big Band Guru: Gordon Goodwin and his Big Phat Band, Act Your Age

Of course, I've left out everyone else. So, if you're reading this and you're getting upset with me because you weren't included then do something about it! If you want to be added to the list, just email me at newfaceofjazz.com with your CD name, web address etc. I'll be happy to add.

I hope, at the very least, you consider this list a great start.

Yours in Music, Mischeif and Mayhem,

Cicily

OH. And need I even say it? HAVE YOU BOUGHT YOUR COPY of the New Face of Jazz? No? Shame...shame...Reserve it soon before they're all gone.

And if you're interested in reading the Author's Note and an excerpt from the beautiful Vocalist/Bassist, Esperanza Spalding, Go Here: www.newfaceofjazz.com

Reply to Inverted Garden

2009-11-13T01:43:00.004-07:00

Quote of the Day:
Conformity is the jailer of freedom
and the enemy of growth.
~J.F.Kennedy

Current Local Weather:
Severe Storm WARNING:
Hail storms of commercialism
followed by strong winds whistling Christmas carols.
*Damage likely.*
You are strongly advised to shelter children, pets and other
priceless possessions including your beliefs, ethics and morals.

Currently on my iPod:
"Bring Me Joy"
Never Too Far
Dianne Reeves

Dear family, friends and my family of friends,

Today's blog is brought to you by the intelligent mind of Eric Benson. His blog on jazz titled: Inverted Garden is awesome.
It's a great feeling to find someone who is on the same page in this world, especially when it pertains to the specifics of something like jazz. I love discovering a new blog that doesn't suck.

He is also a fan of Darcy James Argue's Secret Society, whereas composer DJA is verbose, insightful and wonderfully outspoken like people should be...anywho...This is my reply to his recent (late September) blog on why jazz doesn't have the audience it should and how to go about raising or rather, how not to go about raising the audience to a larger number than what it is currently.

Go here for the original blog: Cool Talk

But the reason I point out this specific blog and my response to it is because this is the EXACT reason and angle I tried to reach for in my book. He nailed it. I just hope I did or at least I hope others think that I did once the book comes out. I think this is something you all should know about me and why I did what I did.

Here it goes:

Eric,

I wanted to comment on this train of thought you've presented here. First off, I think your blog raises great questions, concerns and answers. I'm a HUGE fan of DJA and his blog as well, as a matter of fact he's included in my book as one of the greats alive today. I have an immense amount of respect for him.

onwards: As a former musician and now a jazz writer, I agree completely with the ideal that if music is presented with the intensity as that one blog reader's comments mention, it will be noticed and stomped on by the listeners feet as they begin to feel it in their souls. But there is one particular passage here that hits home with what I'm living for and why I write about jazz,

"...the way to build an audience that looks to jazz as a serious contributor to the larger culture isn’t to convince them that it’s “cool”—suave, relaxing, above-it-all—but to show them that it’s engaged in a mad quest to understand, in the words David Foster Wallace, “what it is to be a fucking human being.” Anyone who has seriously listened to Monk, Mingus, and Coltrane knows that obsession and passion drive their music, not coolness."

This is exactly what I go for when I write. It isn't about the here and now, it's about the sustainability of the future.

Looking to market an art or any kind of media for that matter as something that is "cool" and only going by that invisible factor/measurement/commercial viability for the "youth's" sake is asking for it to be short lived and forgotten.

The historical longevity of something that has been deemed "cool" by a generation often doesn't stick with the further generations as something they can relate to as this aspect of life, the cool factor is a fluid, ever changing concept.

But, as pointed out here, if you can show that the "it" factor of an art or music or anything for that matter is something that binds us all together, as in the humanity of an art or the spirit and soul of what makes us unique in the bigger scheme of things, is to find that universal appealing truth and one that all generations seek to find out for themselves within their personal struggles and everyday confinement of the capitalist society we all live in. But to find this is to validate their causes, their worth and their sustainable visions as creative beings.

Therefore presenting jazz, at least now, in the world we're confined in today, as cool, is not the way to go.

Instead, as musicians, fans and carriers of the torch, we need to give the newcomers to the music and those who have lost touch with why they came to it in the first place, something they can feed off of...an almost barren and open religion that speaks to them in ways that one that follows archaic rules and words can't give...If we allow that gift of the untainted value of an unspoken breath of air that is more about touching the soul of the person who played it than the "commercial" coolness factor, I believe you'll find that sustaining this genre of music won't be so difficult.

It's just a matter now of reaching those that are untouchable, the ones who have closed minds, broken ears and further more, a deep and darkened denial that clouds their perspective of what is new to them, not necessarily new to the world. As Wynton told me in an interview, "sometimes following the people is not the way to have them follow you." Jazz is not the new "black" as the fashion world would say...Jazz is what it always has been: an art that reaches well beyond the soul and into that space rarely seen but often heard crying out for an audience who will listen.

As per my wish with every post, I hope you got something out of this.

Yours in gardens, growing and grasping for the bigger, hopefully better, picture,

Cicily

Guest Blogger: TRAVIS ERWIN

2009-10-30T00:35:00.003-06:00

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Never give up on something that you
can't go a day without thinking about.

~ Unknown

Current Local Forecast:
Swollen handfuls of
gratitude.

Currently on my iPod:
Strawberry Fields
Ben Harper
"I Am Sam" Soundtrack

Special Announcement:
THE NEW FACE OF JAZZ is available for pre-order NOW on Amazon.com. Check it!
Don't make a red-head cry! Buy it, support the poor.

There are few people in one's life here on this great big ball of blue and green that impress me with their dedication as a friend and to their craft as Travis has over the last two...(or is it three?)..years that I've known him. He is one of the great 'undiscovered' talents and I'm glad to say his love and text messages and emails and well placed calls of encouragement have kept me going more days than not. Although I don't quite approve of his meathead diet, I approve of all good people in this world and especially those who can spin a yarn that keeps me smiling day after day after day.
Without further ado, my guest blogger this month is: Travis Erwin.

A rare sighting of Travis and Me, in the same place, at the same time.

Literary Agent Appreciation Day: Year One

Gatsby had Tom Buchanan.

Superman, Lex Luther.

Heck, even the Roadrunner had Wile E. Coyote.

Enemies, rivals, dream killers. Books, movies, cartoons are littered with epic battles between the so-called good guy and the evil doer opposing them.

Yet here in the real world few of us have an enemy or even a steady rival?

Sure there was that dude in college that seduced the girl of your dreams, but chances are that girl gave him chlamydia anyway. Or maybe you have an anal boss that gets ticked every time he catches you on Facebook at work, but even that dude is simply trying to do a job. Chances are he has his won problems and doesn't have time to plot your demise or the destruction of your dreams. And I suppose that neighbor down the street that lets his Shih Tzu squat and leave an Alpo nugget on your front lawn each day could be construed as evil, but still I don't think you can call them a true enemy.

Yet I do know of one demographic that likes to play the blame game. Many in this demographic badly want to think of themselves as the good guy. They wanna believe their is a dark force out there working against them. They wanna think that their dreams would all come true if only their arch enemy wasn't blocking the path to glory.

And who is this demographic?

Writers.

And yes, I, Travis Erwin solidly belong to this demographic of wannabee novelists. I have submitted query after query. Partial after partial. Full manuscript after full manuscript. Only to have some golden haired literary agent cast their judgment down upon me from their penthouse high above the New York skyline.

I have cursed under my breath.

If only I could submit directly to the editors at the big houses. Surely they would get me. If only every person of power in the business didn't call the big city home they might appreciate my words. If only i didn't live in "fly-over" country I'd have a chance.

Yeah, I'm ashamed to say it but I've had those thoughts. Guess what they are excuses. Nothing more. Asinine explanations to cover up the fact that I haven't done what it takes to break through.

Do I still believe that much of what I've written is good? Dare I say every bit as good as other stuff already getting published. Damn right I do. But nevertheless I haven't done enough. I have created a compelling enough query. I haven't made myself or my pitch original enough. I haven't drawn the reader in quick enough. I haven't patched the holes, the weak spots in the plot. I haven't fleshed the characters quite enough.

Bottom line -- I haven't made it impossible to say no.

Would readers or acquiring editors see things differently? Who knows. I could self-publish, but at this point in my writing I don't think I would feel any sense of accomplishment going that route. I want that validation of having someone else say yes, you are good enough. I could approach small and regional publishers that take unagented submissions and if my work is rock solid they may accept it. But will any one other than my friends and family notice? Will my work find a large enough readership to build upon or will I have a feather in my cap and nothing more?

Of course landing an agent is no guarantee that a big publisher will take on your work. And these days even big publishers are reluctant to put their publicity muscle behind unknown and unproven authors.

So I understand why it's natural to blame the industry, the big houses that won't commit to reading huge piles of unagented slush, and the literary agents who first cast judgment based solely upon a one page query.

But as writers we must understand the rules of the game. If you don't like them don't play. Literary agents did not get into the business to dash the dreams of writers. They got into for the same reason you right, Because they love books, stories, and discovering that next great read. Do they miss. Sure. Are their tastes subjective. You betcha. But to blame them for standing in your way is self-defeating. It's the easy way out.

To foster a better relationship between aspiring writers and literary agents I have declared November 1st as Literary Agent Appreciation Day. I have been gathering stories of agents that have gone above and beyond to help writers gain a foothold or learn about the craft and business. For more info on Literary Agent Appreciation Day or how you can participate visit my regular blog here.

Literary Agents are not your enemy any more than your car is. Yeah, I know it hurts like hell to hit a tree at fifty miles per hour, but keep in mind you are the one behind the wheel. Swerve if you have to, and for God sakes, don't drive, or query, if you've had more than one rum and coke.
~Travis Erwin

Yours in Meat, Merging Blogs and Meandering Through Travis Land...

Cicily

THE NEW FACE OF JAZZ: AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER!

2009-10-28T18:16:00.002-06:00

Short, sweet and to the point:

You can order your copy now on Amazon.

Go here:

I WANT MY COPY NOW!

Got it?

Wow. This is pretty damn cool.

Yours,

Cicily

Finding a Quiet Place: Writing Away Retreats Wrap Up

2009-10-25T12:13:00.004-06:00

Quote of the Day:

The most important thing in life is to learn
how to give out love and to let it come in.
~Morrie Schwartz

Current Local Forecast:
Sudden outbursts of kindness
with the first, glorious snow
on the mountains.

Currently on my iPod:
If Tomorrow Never Comes
"Have Guitar Will Travel"
Garth Brooks

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

I suppose this is the most difficult day of the retreats. We have an enormous amount of cleaning, clearing and eating to do today. Our well-behaved stomachs are going to have to give in to gluttony today. Period. End of discussion...aren't you feeling the sudden desire to fed ex some tupperware this way?

But today is difficult for other reasons as well. These twelve days have been some of the very best of my life. The emotionally charged release of finally being around those that understand where you are in life, regardless of where you physically are, but the emotional you...is well, simply the very best recharge anyone can get. Even though I'm physically exhausted and need to sleep for a month, I'm recharged in my spirit. Writers from over 10 states and over 8 staff members representing Red Hen Press, Sterling Lord Literistic, Harper Collins, JaBberwocky Literary Agency, Pike Literary Services, Fairbank Literary Agency, Folio Literary Agency came together. I'm dually impressed with staff and writers that attended this year.

But what really happens here? As I did last May I'm posting a few of the quotes from the "book" on the table. Will blog more about the experience later. I'm so overwhelmed by even reading these quotes that I must take a step back to absorb the words myself.

"Cicily, you take care of us as if we, writers, are the beloved. This retreat was a complete success for me, everyday, every moment. I'll always be a better writer for this gift of time." ~S. Hall (Kentucky)

"This was simply the greatest weekend I've ever had. It's such a peaceful, productive environment, the food is heavenly and the potential is limitless." ~B. Pedas (Colorado)

"I can't tell you how much this experience has encouraged me and changed my perspective. This is truly priceless to me." ~J. McQuade (Oklahoma)

"I have been nurtured and supported in every possible way. I have a much better understanding of the world of publishing. I know the contacts, friendships and more I've made here are of real value when I'm ready to shop my MS." ~R. Rues (Arkansas)

"They said it couldn't be done, but you have opened up the byzantine, enigmatic world of commercial publishing to those creatives who were/are baffled by how it operates. At the same time you provided a retreat where everyone can share with eachother." ~R. Fessler (Maryland)

"These past few days have affected my profoundly. They have grounded me, focused me enormously. Often, I have been moved so beyond words that I thought I might have to give the poor things up...."~K. Sucharski (Colorado)

"To borrow from Justin, everything here is the best thing ever." ~S. Fairbank (Massachutes)

"I am leaving refreshed, renewed, and in love with my project again." ~D. Courtney (Colorado)

All I can say is that I've been paid in riches beyond those that could possibly be seen by the world or the eyes of a soul who needed to be opened again to love.

Yours in Pink Panties, Potential and Pushing towards the Down Under in June 2010.

Cicily

Super Agents: A How NOT to Get One To Save Your Literary Life List

2009-10-09T23:33:00.006-06:00

Quote of the Day:
"Writing is the only profession where no one considers
you ridiculous if you don't earn any money."
~Jules Renard~

Current Local Forecast:
Chicken Little was right.

Currently on My iPod:
Sara Smile
Hall and Oates

Dear Family and Friends and my Family of Friends,

Sorry for the delay, my editor hit me up with the expected fly-by first phase of red-ink bombings. More on that later. It wasn't as painful as I had heard it could be, but it's still become somewhat of a Sophie's Choice in the Jazz world and I'm not really enjoying it. Enough of that. Onwards...

This week marks my one year anniversary for WRITING AWAY RETREATS. Not only is this uber cool, but in one year I took it from being a small-ish crowd of coolness over four days to a LARGE crowd of forty peeps coming and going over two weeks. Very excited to meet and greet and more importantly, feed all ya'll. See you all soon. And, for those of you who aren't attending this retreat'o'greatness this year, May will be coming up soon. Contest details and website updates will happen after this one is over. I've already had some folks sign up, so beware. Spots will go fast. Also, we're taking it international in 2011. More details on that soon!

Now...for the meat of the blog. Got your forks and knives? Travis? Let's have a sit down conversation about agents.

First off, let me give a little clip about mine.

Gary Heidt. And, no, not this one:

Yep, you guessed it, Gary is a supah stah agent. I often call him Super Agent G. After all, wouldn't you if he had sold not only your first book, but your first book which happens to be on the impossible non-fiction topic...JAZZ...to that Randomish House chock-full-o-jazz fans? Yeah, so ya get it? Gary pretty much rocks, he saved my literary life from an uncertain and seemingly doomed fate.

But that's not what this is about. Ask him, I can go on and on about his Texas twangy pep talks and editing skills and more...but kids, that's for another episode, this is reverse how to list. I can't tell you exactly how to get one to answer your silent cries and beckon call, but I can definitely tell you how NOT TO...So listen up and pay attention and all those sorts of things. Put down the red crayons and magic marker's that you're writing your query letters with, as I believe that yes, they can be a telephone booth change of undies and tights away for you too!

Here's a top ten list on how not to get an agent : (If it doesn't work, I'll refund the money you paid to read this blog, pronto!)

10. Tell them your book is "just right" for Oprah.

Really? You know her? Seriously? Can you tell her that I want my book on her list? If you think you're going to be picked out of everyone else in the world to be her latest annointing, then get in line and get a life. Unless, of course, you REALLY do know her. If this is the case, I would have a letter signed by her, and maybe a snap shot of her with you included in your query.

9. Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for this opportunity to present to you my Raging Hormonal techno-thriller detective romance YA crossover manuscript known as Old Yeller: the first years, the prequel to Old Yeller.

A nice, impersonal query letter that doesn't even know the gender of the agent screams, bite me. Plus those "services" that you pay for to query all those agents in those big cities are rip offs. Do your own damn research and find out who's truly right for your project. If you can't do this on your own, then how are you going to do the research on your own when the marketing team from your pub. house sends you a 30 page questionaire for your book's marketing plan? Yeah, good luck.

8. Ring them.

After all, isn't it just so much better than that impersonal email and it's soooo much easier to just talk for fifteen minutes or an hour or two about the cool parts of the techno thriller Old Yeller knock off you just wrote that's still in its first draft, but is sooo perfect rather than just shoot over an email that sums it up in five to fifteen lines, right? Yeah, right. Sod off. That's the nice thing about phones, the hang up is such a greater insult than the delete button. It makes a bigger, louder sound.

7. Set up your novel with the weather. OR. A great scene that opens with:

He hit the snooze button and a feeling of dread came over him. This is when Little Timmy realized that today would be the day that he would DIE.
Little Timmy looked outside and realized that not only he would die, but the sky was cloudy.
Little Timmy was not only a schmuck, but he knew he would die and the weather was really cloudy and humid and he would have a really bad hair day on the day of his death and this made him sad.
Little Timmy said, wow, you write really bad and should have thought out your writing a smudge better before you submitted that first draft to that agent, eh?
Little Timmy realized, just moments ago, before he said that to the writer, that today was the last day of his life. Then a bus hit him and smashed him into little tiny shards of bloody bone and other matter went flying and splattering all over the windows and made a horrendous mess out of what we all knew as this very boring and pitiful life.
Yeah, get someone to critique your writing or get an editor or at the VERY LEAST, DO NOT SEND AN AGENT THE FIRST DRAFT. They're like Vampires and blood and stuff. They can smell a virgin draft a mile away and they want to destroy them as soon as they get their hands on them. (sorry, that was very bad.)

6. Fake it! Works in other areas of life...(ref. When Harry Met Sally)

I may look like a doctor, but really, I only play one on TV. Yeah, doesn't really help to lie about platform, pub. credits or any other occupation. Go for it...really, I double, no, triple dog dare you.

5. So you nailed me for drinks and I asked for more, I want dinner...now what?

You met the perfect agent. And guess what? He/She gave you googly eyes across the table too! Oh my...text your friends. Text your mom. Text EVERYONE YOU KNOW. Now. Get on twitter. Tell the WHOLE WIDE WORLD that you got a request for a FULL. Follow that with Facebook. Then you cross your fingers that they don't write you back with a, sorry, I found someone else, I was seeing someone else, I think I could be a lesbian and or gay and or bi, or one of those commune dwellers and I'm inviting everyone but you and you wouldn't be the right gender anyway, I think I might just would rather stay home and wash my hair lines or whatever.

MOST IMPORTANT HERE: DON'T TEXT THEM OR CALL THEM OR EMAIL THEM UNLESS YOU'RE ASKED TO. You're not official until they ask you to be official. Just because they ask you for a full, doesn't mean they're asking for literary marriage. That's like calling your date after ONE date and asking for a key to their place. Yeah, not cool. (ref. The Rules.)

4. Go into the job interview with the expectation of becoming the CEO right away. (ref. Mr. McFerrin)

As the quote up top says, no one expects any of us fools who like to put words in logical order to make money anyway, so what's your hurry. Sure, easy enough for me to say,as I have a contract and this huge lump sum of DEBT from writing my first major book and all the other goodies that come along with it...including the self-imposed pressure of putting another prop. on the market (soon, VERY soon) so I can make up for the last debt and what not. You can't write for money anyhow. Unless, of course, you're already making money writing. Then, by all means, go for it! Share the wealth with the rest of us peons. Regardless, if they take you on, relax, you do your job, let them do theirs and trust them. If they trust you enough to take you on, reciprocate.

3. Get rid of your email, your twitter, become anti-web presentable and what not. After all, the more rugged and believable you are as a "real" writer, the more mystique surrounding your actual presence, the better.

yeah, so not true. No communicato via email, no agent.

2. Agent site reads: Taking submissions year round: Historical Romance and Techno Thrillers only. Definitely No Stories about Bambi, was traumatized as a child and have severe PTSD. Please query first as we do not take full manuscripts unless requested. And definitely do not query between August and May each year, we are busy catching up on lunches with other agents and editors and our already established clients. ***Potential client submits: Dear Cool Agent X, I'd like to present my manuscript in full to you titled: Bambi's Mom: Carnage, Conspiracy, Corruption and Capitalists Behind One of Disney's Oldest Full Length Cartoons. The MS is in its first draft at about 9,064,825 words and is ready for publication. THanks for lookin' at it dudes. ~The real murderer of Bambi's Mom... www.Stillsearchingforbambi.com***

Agent receives the following letter after sending out obvious rejection letter and having to increase prozac and therapy sessions: Dear Sur, CAn you just send me an email explaining why I don't get acceptance from your agency? I plan long time to be accepted by you and even catered to your excitement for Bambi...MAKE SURE YOU READ THE REAL GUIDELINES and writing them back is an extra special dose of terrible horrible no good VERY bad karma! Remember, they're looking for a reason to reject you...they get hundreds of submissions a week and take only 0.01% of those on as clients.

1. Have simple mistakes on your manuscript and/or your query letter and then fail to follow MS submission guidelines.

Dear Mr. Agent,

I have the perfecet querey letter for you. Not only is thsi novel the best thing ever, it falles in line with the last one your agency represented and got your cliente a novel piece prize...If you'd like to see it, let me know. It's realley cool and I thnk you could like it forever.

~Potential client perfecto.

Yeah, not so much.

Regardless, in order to get an agent to really pay attention, you need to write well, know your materials, your genre, and act cool. As fun as stalking may be (not that I would know) it's not cool in this situation nor will it win them over as a potential literary love interest.
Make a big impression in a small way. Again, play it cool. Give them your very best voice, characters and or proposal. The bulk of your work should already be done before you even THINK about hitting one up for representation. If you're just beginning a proposal or novel, IT IS NOT THE TIME TO THINK ABOUT THE MONEY, THE REPRESENTATION OR THE FAME! (*a note on fame...yeah, right?! Keep dreaming) Take the right kind of time to build your platform and let it fall into place. No one walks into the position of super star without hard work and persistence and years of crafting their craft ahead of time...trust me. I'm still WORKING hard at it every single day.
Once you land one, they can be your strongest and most trusted ally in this world known as publishing. If they say to keep your mouth shut and listen to them or to let things happen and be cool, then for god sakes listen. If they give you a gaggle of edits to do on the proposal and its the last thing you want to do, do it anyway. Writing is not a job for those who want to only work a few minutes or hours a day. Writing, is well, as G-man says, fun until it becomes work. It's always work, and it's always fun in some way, but sometimes that way is only when you have great people to lean on and those that become an unexpected champion that get you through the tough times.
Agent's no matter the personality or the house they land you in or how you got them to say yes to your characters and your writing project, are in the end, people too and need to be treated as such because they work very hard and their success depends on your success and your career can be made or laid to rest by their hands in some cases. It's up to you to cultivate and work that relationship into the place it needs to be from the very beginning on.

Yours in Agents, Auspicious Beginnings and Always Being the Best You Can Be,

Cicily

Security Please

2009-09-26T10:55:00.003-06:00

QUOTE OF THE DAY
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
~Author Unknown

CURRENT LOCAL WEATHER
WTF? Snow will make a brief celebrity
appearance on last day of summer.
Mass confusion on all fronts.

CURRENTLY ON IPOD
Re: Stacks
Bon Iver

Dear Friends, Family, and my Family of Friends,

After the tragedies of Columbine (especially for the state of Colorado), 9.11, Oklahoma and more, our country beefed up our security to the nth degree. You can hardly buy a Big Mac without giving the last four addresses you've occupied and your Grandmother's Sister's Brother's Best Friend's Girlfriend's Stepfather's Ex-Godfather's Mother's Father's Cat's First Owner's mother's maiden name in order to enjoy it. And only then can you have one if your shoes are off and contained in a little baggie that's zipped up.

In all seriousness, these acts of terror have put us on our gaurd for good reason. We're working on our defenses now and have to be weary of anyone who may want to hurt us. We need to be protective of our freedoms. I was watching the harrowing movie, Slumdog Millionaire the other night and I kept thinking....no way, it's not REALLY like that over there...then I thought...wait, yes, yes it probably is. It gave me perspective, yet again, on why I am glad I'm here.

Where am I going with this?

Yesterday, I had to go to the local high school to speak with one of the teachers. I am going to speak with her high school choir about jazz in about a week and she wanted to see what part of my presentation was about to make sure it was appropriate for her level of students. Sure, no prob. especially since I live close to town. I was running late per my usual.

I finally found the place up the mountain side. Beautiful buildings, beautiful views! Stunning. I was actually very excited to be there. I walked into the school with my ID in my purse, a large black bag that contained my computer and other aides I would need like projector screen hook ups and flyers etc. The desk for visitors to sign in at wasn't real clear. There were a few folks standing around it. One lady in particular was blocking what looked to be a sign in sheet.

She was gabbing, on and on and on and on about something or other. Trust me when I say it was nothing that important. After standing there, making myself more late than I already was, for a few minutes, I said, Excuse me, I am here to see someone. She turned to look at me, gave me a look of disgust, and turned back around. The woman behind the desk repeated what she did. They both continued talking.

A few more minutes passed and I finally said, look, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I really need to get to the meeting with this woman. Can you please help me, I'm sure I need to sign in. The woman said, who do you want to see. I told her what this was about and she snapped and said, "Other building, either walk through or drive around." then she put her feet back up on the desk and went back to her chatting. Ten minutes later I found teh building (not self explanatory) and walked in. Another kid in the hall was just as rude.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE: I COULD HAVE HAD BOMBS, GUNS, ESPRESSO, PUPPIES, PORN MAGAZINES OR VIDEOS, CAMERAS, OR WORSE...TEACHING MATERIALS ON JAZZ HIDDEN IN MY BAG!!! READY TO ATTACK THE KIDS WITH AND NOT A SINGLE PERSON GAVE A DAMN.

I finally found the classroom and the teacher, who had told me it was a planning period, was in class, paid very little attention to me when she did sit down with me, even though I offered to come back at a different time and she said it was okay, didn't know the first thing about who I was and what I was doing even though she hired me and asked if I had knew what jazz was.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE: IF YOU'RE GOING TO HIRE SOMEONE TO COME SPEAK TO YOU'RE KIDS, KNOW WHO THEY ARE AND PREPARE YOURSELF!!!

I left bewildered, confused, upset (I sure am glad this wasn't a school I'm attending or teaching at for safety reasons and am worried for those kids) and sorry that I have to go back next week. I'll up date you more later with how it goes.

What are your thoughts? Should they have been more strict with me when I entered? I look innocent enough and of course, I wasn't going to hurt anyone...but most people look normal...

Yours in fear, fumbling around and funneling thoughts,

Cicily

Remembrance

2009-09-11T23:50:00.003-06:00

Dear Doug,

It's been a while since I thought about you, maybe a few minutes, a day, a year or even five years, I'm not exactly sure how long. But somehow, you're always appearing in small ways, here and there, a glimpse, a siren song...and even though I don't hear from you any longer, I know you know that I love you, always have and always will as we were friends until the very end although our communication was lost. The bravery you showed on that day will not be forgotten, not only by your friends and family, but by the world. You're in my thoughts, wherever you are, and I hope one day we'll all meet again for a few cheap beers, some really bad hockey and really good laughs.

All my love,

Cicily

Shin Splints, Split Ends and Heavyweights

2009-09-11T12:18:00.004-06:00

Quote of the Day:
The leading cause of death of fashion
models is falling through street grates.
~Dave Barry

Current Local Weather:
Fall. Air. Crispy and cool with a renewed
sense of self blowing in from the NW

Currently on my iPOD:
"Wake Up Call"
Maroon 5
Won't Be Soon Before Long

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

Yeah, yeah, it's been a bit, but take pity on me and my poor wrists. The MS, as you probably guessed by my last post in August, is done. I'm awaiting a fly-by red-inking gift from my editor and last I heard from her the edits were going slow but well. I guess that's good, right? Someone? Reassurance please? I still worry that she'll come back with a...hmm, not quite what I wanted, either redo or get out. Upon asking Super Agent G if this had happened to anyone he knew or had represented he said, well..not yet.

What have I been up to in the meantime?

1) Trimming split ends and waxing brows. Learning how to regain that thing called self-esteem and wearing more than pajamas around the house.

2) Learning how to walk again. What? I have two legs? They move? WTF? Who invented this? Amazingly enough, when you sit on your a** for a few weeks, rather 9 months or so, your muscle mass goes out the window. I used to be able to run a 5K a day. Now, walking over 30 minutes a day produces the most awful shin splints in the world. So I'm doing sit ups and more and walking, etc. Must get back in shape.

3) Dieting. When you sit on your a** as mentioned above, your a** gets calories and late night snacking or say early 4am snacking or your fifth breakfast of the day snacking benefits on an almost exclusive basis. Now that I've won the a** the size of Montana contest and can wear that crown with pride, I'm going to have to fork it over to some other hapless writer on a deadline. Starting NOW.

4) Refocusing on a new project or two...or four. Yep, they're coming at me like crazy. Can't say it's a terribly bad thing to be a writer who has working ideas or works in progress... I know, I know, I'm a fool for starting up already, but life is WAY TOO SHORT to not do this. One includes a much anticipated cook book that will be self-published and sold as a fund raiser for my scholarships for the retreats. Look for it around the Holidays.

5) Forging ahead with the last minute logistics for the retreats. This October is going to be a MUCH needed break and FUN. That little three letter word that I used to know. We actually used to be friends! I've got a GREAT group of peeps joining me in the mountains and a staff to be reckoned with. Looking forward to hanging with each of them and getting to know them.

6) Working on school presentations for the Rocky Mountain Author Fest. This should be great. I'm presenting lessons on communication and listening using jazz to 87 fifth graders and a gaggle of high schoolers during the first week of October.

That's it for now I guess...I'm off to do an interview for the next book..more on that soon. For all of those who asked about what it was like to finish the book and see it through to this stage...well, it wasn't easy. Actually it was MUCH more difficult than I had anticipated it being. I like to compare it to moving. You've got the truck all packed and you're ready to go, you stop back in the house to do one more round of odds and ends and you realize you have a whole truck load of those odds and ends to pack hiding in corners. I still feel like I have things that are missing or edits I overlooked or pieces missing etc. At one point I was looking over the draft and realized I had left out 30 artists that I had cut out to edit and put back in but failed on that last step. OOPS.

They made it back in...

The other difficulty I ran into is the coordination of the book. Hundreds of jazz artists, their managers, mailing legal forms and whatnot was a task I had grossly underestimated. I would have hired ten assistants had I known what it was going to be like those last few weeks. I was to the point where I would sleep for thirty-forty minutes and get back up and write for 4-6 hours and then repeat it. Everyonce in a while I'd sleep for 6 hours and then stay up for 24. I'm still tired.

But it's done.

DONE.

DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE.

Except for edits, of course.

How are you guys? Something more informative and fun next time, will rap on the Vail Jazz Fest and my adventures with Wycliff, Super Agent G and Gal Pal Deb.

Yours in Slight Disorientation, Shotty Blogging and Sunny Days Ahead,

Cicily

Yep.

2009-08-19T16:28:00.002-06:00

Quote of the Day:
Anything worth doing, is worth doing half-assed until
someone realizes what you're doing and yells at you...
~Me

Current Local Forecast:
Chance of expected prideful smiles, 90% with a 100%
chance of Postpartum Manuscript depression

Currently on my iPod:
Pretend I Don't Exist(bonus track)
"My One and Only Thrill"
Melody Gardot

It's about damn time...more later...

And yes, if you're guessing or thinking what I think you're thinking...then you're right.

Yours in achieving the seemingly impossible, actually losing my sanity(at least twice) and
asking for some time to sleep...

~Cicily

Issues

2009-08-12T00:09:00.002-06:00

Quote of the Day:
The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human
being can alter his life by altering his attitude.
~William James

Current Local Forecast:
A dense and foggy haze
casts shadows on storms of
clarity and vision.

Currently on my iPod:
Makes Me Wonder
Maroon 5

This is going to be short, as I must get it out of my system before this mess of tears drowns me. Within a 48 hour period, I've had seemingly normal folks turn into fire breathing, self-esteem kidnapping dragons. I am on deadline this week. I have put a lifetime worth of work into this book and then some, over the last year and a half. Not that I expect instant praise or anything near that assumption, but to treat someone with complete and utter disdain and a lack of faith, is beyond me. Even a complete lack of response, at this point, is worse than a reply saying they don't want to be a part of the project. I did not work this hard to have it blow up in my face...this is for a book that in the long run can only help jazz. I am sorry that I even began this monstrous undertaking. No wonder there aren't others out there doing the same. It's crystal clear why jazz isn't doing so good. I'm not sure why this is happening nor do I know if I'll be able to recover my esteem or dignity after this is said and done.

~C

In Simple Reply

2009-07-07T19:52:00.003-06:00

IN SIMPLE REPLY

***If I get another threat because of this post, your email will be sent to the police. Free speech is the essence of our country.***

This is in reply to a blog on Darcy James Argue's Secret Society Site:

...a little about me.
I’m a chick, under the age of 33, sleeveless shirts just aren’t my thing and I write about jazz in a very serious way. My last name does not end in Blumenthal, Yanow, or Ratliff.

I am a jazz writer, despite the opinion of others who share this title.
I have broken through this "glass ceiling," in a very big way.

My first book, the New Face of Jazz (www.newfaceofjazz.com) is due out in the summer of 2010. And I DID NOT get this by blowing an editor or my looks. I got here through doing honest hard work and I've done it in a little over a year. (over 400 interviews with musicians around the country, traveling over 4 of these months, compiling a manuscript of over 120K words and an appendix that makes jazz accessible to the layman in over a dozen cities around the U.S.) I’ve been working on writing for quite a while and this doesn’t mean I've only been a "fan or critic" of jazz for a year either. Hardly.

I stepped on the scene as a player in college. I was a jazz studies major at the University of North Florida I played trumpet, lead trumpet to be exact. Don't play much anymore, but that's fine with me. I love to write. Google my name and you’ll see. I grew up with jazz all around me. It's a part of my DNA. I'm also white. I am not a ball busting bitch nor do I dress butch.

Now, I'm not accusing you guys of saying this at all. BUT. I've been through the ringer with the boys club, and I have the feeling it's only getting started, seeing as my pub. date isn't even until next summer. (We're working on cover art now and edits)

So where do I begin?

Let's start with sarcasm, move to biting humor, you know, the kind that leads to bloodletting and end on a note we can probably all agree on.

The review...you can read my reply to his words, if you even want to call them that, are sitting online beneath him as comments. Was he drunk? Maybe he was being a self-righteous bastard who deserves to live in the bowels of writing hell. I’ve sent out an email to every woman in jazz I know and even those in the pop, hip-hop world and more that will hopefully strike against this asshole. Including Maria herself. She is someone I consider a gift to artists everywhere. I’ve spoken with her a few times and not once would I consider her anything less. Diversity? Yeah, whatever.

For the record, I've written better reviews (and I’m not one to go willy-nilly on bragging, but I think anyone with a writing skill level over the age of six or seven could qualify to say this too) and articles for certain jazz establishments and been told to rewrite or no thanks. Again and again and again. Then I’ve been ignored repeatedly when emailing the said person I was supposed to email and finally got a disgruntled, harried response basically saying nothing but we'll deal with you later. I've asked/queried, even with the recommend of a well known jazz writer for other established publications/circles etc and been blatantly ignored, dismissed, or told to direct my concerns regarding subscriptions elsewhere.

So where does that leave the “female jazz critic?” Bare armed and alone with her stiff movements.

My own take on Maria’s music, since a couple of you have addressed this, is this: She lends a deeply personal and spiritual level to even the most simple melodies thus making them relatable to almost anyone. Each musicians she pens reaches with an individual touch, turn or brush of the beat. She’s the one person that changed my mind about what jazz could be. She is also the person who taught me that I had a long way to go as far as my listening skills. Even if a musician or listener does not agree with her music, they can not deny the skill she demonstrates in her sustained and remarkable craft.

Issue at hand: A lot of the musicians I spoke with throughout my journey writing this book, and these were not fluff interviews, spoke of racism, financial issues, and the lack of respect among our culture at large. Not a single male spoke about the lack of females in the art. Not a single male musician I met in my early days as a musician, unless my gig bag was slung across my back, thought I was a horn player. I was obviously the singer. Right?

It hasn’t changed much. When I first started out as a jazz writer it seemed like it was going to be the same. I had a few believers. Marcus Printup, Doug Wamble, and Vince Gardner, whom I know very well, believed in me. They said sure, come on out to NY, we’ll talk. I relied on known contacts to get to those I didn’t know...I slowly was able to infiltrate inner circles. But what I got was not exactly friendly fire.

I heard everything from comments such as, hmm, imagine that, a white girl writing about jazz all the way to, what do you want, a picture with me? or had I known you smelled or looked like that we could have spoken a lot longer etc...So you ask, where are all the female jazz critics?

I’m still standing.
I’m sure there are others.
There’s got to be.

It took me MONTHS to get over this. Not personally, but professionally. When a certain jaded and tainted and manufactured presence is placed upon your shoulders, that weight begins to cause indentations that cut all the way down to your fucking bones. But my bones didn’t break. I had a support system of men and women, sitting on top of the world, waiting, marching in place, thank god.

The women I interviewed weren’t catty, snarky, or any of the other attributes many paint us as having. Many of them are mothers, some grandmothers, sisters, at the very least to eachother, and in ways beyond words, already connected to one another. They have the same common and dire need as the men I interviewed. One of connection, human connection, the need for respect and to get rid of that sense of futility the material world tends to shelter and harbor artists through and out of. It’s difficult enough to succeed in this world without other issues slapping you in the face. Being a woman shouldn’t be one of them. Sure, if you can’t play, regardless of your sex, hit the shed and work on your craft. Don’t sleep with the manager/director/CEO whatnot. Only thing that buys you is an STD and a plate of fertilized and over-easy eggs before the door hits your ass, if you’re lucky. It most certainly does not earn you a career and/or the respect of your peers.

But every woman also spoke of being assumed the less talented one in the group, the least likely one to get called for gigs, unless it involved little to no clothing, last to get called to solo, the inherit lack of mentorship and encouragement past a certain age of those that are considered masters and the disconnect that is going on with the community of artists at large.

Why are women not nurtured and taken under the wings of some of the greats as the younger men are in jazz or in writing or even in the business world? Would everyone really assume we’re sleeping with them or out to bust balls or whatever term? Would it be taboo or would the men’s wives be so insecure they couldn’t handle that closeness as artists? Who knows what the answer really is, but the way I see it, its the mindset that’s been beaten into us through the media, the mass-marketed self-help books, diet worlds and more as children, teenagers and adults that’s hurting us.

Women’s lib did a world of good for a little while, Martin Luther King did a world of good for a little while, Rosa Parks did a world of good for a small amount of time too. But as we’ve seen, these issues will ALWAYS creep up if we let them. Unless there are innovators that come along and say fuck you, I’m sick of waiting on you/the system/others to change like those mentioned above did, we’ll always be stuck in this position.

So you ask, and I’m not apologizing for my tirade, as it needed to be said, what is it that dissuades the females from entering the music field as a critic? Hmmm, nothing. Not a single thing. We’re out there, we’re writing our asses off and I’m just one hard working gal that happened to attract the attention of the kind editors at Random House with a high concept pitch that also happens to give a hell of a lot of myself in order to see the jazz world thrive. It’s up to the writer’s, artists etc, regardless of sex, race and age to become the most vibrant, tenacious and visible counterparts to those already succeeding in any field in order to obtain the most visible work. I don’t even think we have to work harder, we just have to figure how much shit, just like every other adult I know, we can live being full of, and then purge the rest.

Women need to appreciate themselves for their own traits and attributes and then, and only then, will others, including other women be able to move on. Will this keep me from dressing nice and smelling nice, taking pride in who I am and my womanly side and making sure nice images are up at all times in my place in the public eye, certainly not. I have a level of dignity that needs to be kept. If those that have and expect that same level of dignity to be held in honor of their own names would just follow the simple rule, even those that review others and critique others, we wouldn’t have a need for this discussion today.

REPEAT EPISODE: Doormats

2009-06-28T10:34:00.002-06:00

Quote of the Week:
There are only two types of women-goddesses and doormats.
~Pablo Picasso

Local Weather:
Sunshine, despite the lack of warmth
most likely followed by showers of
undigested food particles in the late evening.

Currently on my IPOD:
People are Strange by: The Doors

Hello my dear friends,

I am home. And as Benjamin Franklin says, Fish and Relatives smell in three days. I have been gone for seven in Georgia. Deduce what you want from that statement. Although I must say I am not sure if they were the ones with the stench, I have the feeling it was me...

Regardless, this was not an uneventful week. First off, the plane ride over to Georgia from Denver is not a short one. Coming in at around 3 hours, there are times in which I wish the pilots would just speed it up to around Warp Speed and get us the duck out of fodge.

However....people on this day decided to travel with their children. I did learn that I have surprisingly poor super power abilities to make myself and the others around me invisible. I failed. Miserably failed. And guess what. The others who were traveling with children...they were seated to my left and then to the immediate rear of me.

Let’s address the issue of the children sitting behind me first. Two boys. Two boys around the ages of say...hmmm...7 & 5. One boy: Blonde, rowdy and into the whole hair pulling thing. The other one: Brunette, Pissed off and into the whole biting thing. I won’t distinguish which was which. The mother: Looked fairly normal. Now, I don’t have boys, but still. The second the plane boarded in its entirety, she handed them brownies or some kind of other Little Debbie Snack cake in a plastic wrapper. They finished the delicacy within the confines of processed foods and then the fighting started. Not the no I didn’t, yes you did, no I didn’t sort, it was more of ultimate fighting championship ala Airtran Airlines. My seat was bucking, going back and forth and the airline pilot was managing to keep the plane as steady as I had yet to experience.

Then the biting started. I think one of them drew blood from the other. At least it was beginning to smell like blood. Status on the mother: Silent, reading her book. I thought for a brief moment, good for her, ignoring them, letting them kill themselves without her help. And then it was time for the drink service. The hapless air waitresses came down our section of the flight, offering a bevy of plastic cups that aren’t recycled and a limited selection of drinks and snacks, most of which dehydrate you further while you are flying. (***Nurse Cicily says: Dehydration is a known problem during flying, next time you’re en route and enjoying the entertainment of those around you,choose the water and skip the pretzels and or peanuts. You can order vodka or gin..if you have the money, just make sure you follow it with water) I ordered my water, threw the peanuts into the carry on bag for a later date and thought that maybe the three ring circus behind me would settle in for a drink.

Yeah, fat chance.

No, they didn’t want the peanuts and yes, that’s all the ladies had to offer. The mother smacks the older kid upside the head and says, wadda ya want? at the top of her lungs. He screams back, Cherry Coke. Oh dear hell. Caffeinated, dehydrating fluids. My index like brain quickly ran over the side effects. Irritability, excessive venerability and possible death by bludgeoning from the unsuspecting quiet red head in the seat in front of him. The next boy...ordered the same. Then the two boys proceeded to scream that they didn’t want the healthy shit their mother was offering them. I peaked behind my seat and found them throwing the nutri-grain simulated nutritional bars she had just tossed their way, onto the floor. The younger one even ground the bar into the floor with his untied shoe.

The older kid was, at this point, grabbing his brother in the head lock he had promised him a few minutes previous to the beverage service and the drink spilled all over the floor. I was waiting for candid camera to pop up or my magical stun gun to appear in my hand. The mother finally turned to them, and through her gritted teeth mouth, said, if you don’t stop now, I’ll take away your M&M’s.

Yeah, stick it to em’. WTF?

I would have killed them and easily taken the jail sentence or corporal punishment. On the way out of the plane, they pushed, shoved and screamed their way out to the ramp. The mother, screamed back, wait, wait up. Helpless little kittens, oh, how they have lost their mittens. Right? The oldest boy turned around and said, I don’t have to listen to you anyway, you’re my step-mom.

BINGO! Doormat # 1, we have a winner.

So, as I ramble on and on, I come to the uncertain fate of the woman next to me and her seemingly angelic little girl. The girl had ringlets, yes, real ringlets, pouring down from her scalp to her shoulders. Her light and unblemished skin aged her to be around 2 or 3 at the very most. She had a pacifier in and for most of the ride. Nearing the end of my patience with the boys from hell behind me, she woke up, plucked her pacifier out of her mouth and threw it across the aisle. At me. I picked it up, offered the mother to go rinse it off and then the girl said NO! I want it now! The mom looked at me and smiled. I forked over the pacifier without saying a word. The little girl then looked at her mom and screamed, I WANT OUT OF HERE NOW!!!! Sure, most kids get frightened on their first flights and may get a little claustrophobic like the adults in the cabin who didn't have the five bucks to buy the 0.02 oz of vodka to go in their sprite or cran-apple juice...I digress. Then the little girl got up, ran around the aisles and started to scream at the adults.

This flight was not a late night flight. This was not a red-eye flight.

The mom just sat there and took it. Yeah, I wouldn’t have been so kind. Not that I am one to completely duct tape my children to the chair or anything, but come on! Be responsible and keep your kids under control.

Okay, enough about that. Sorry, my rant went on longer than I expected. And as for the last part of my weather forecast? Yeah, Saturday night went out with some friends and got the worst case of food poisoning in my life. I still have not stopped with the nausea or the product of nausea. I don’t think it’ll ever end. My stomach feels as though its been hole punched by some mutant bacteria.

I’m sure I’ll survive, but you better tune in next week to make sure I do...

Oh, and don’t forget to check out my retreat site: Writing Away Retreats. Would love to see you all there!

Yours in Fabulous Parenting, Food Fights and Fussing Over Nothing,

Cicily

*Repeating my oldies until the MS is done. If you'd like to guest blog on here, let me know, you're more than welcome to contribute until I get done! And don't forget, your registrations for Writing Away Retreats need to be filled out!*

Guest Blogger: Rebecca Emrich: Writing Retreats.

2009-06-16T12:58:00.002-06:00

Greetings to all who read Cicily's blog. My name is Rebecca Emrich and I'm guest blogging for her today.

She once asked me if I would write about writing retreats and well, That is what my topic is about. Writing Retreats are possibly the best way to recharge your mind and soul. Now, it doesn't have to be elaborate, or long. It just has to be something that means a lot for you.

I have to admit I've never gone on a writing retreat. Yes, I have taken writing classes through Gotham and Writers Online Workshops, These classes helped me a lot in my growth as a writer. Then Cicily emailed me about her blog, which is by the way, one you should follow. It' packed with vital information and a valuable edition for writers. The question I asked myself was how would a retreat help my growth as a writer?

So much more than I could imagine. I also learned that you don't have to go fancy, but you need to make sometime, for yourself as a writer. This is a job right? You want to do well in the twin careers of writing and publishing. You want to make some connections or find a place where you can sit and write for as long as is needed.

Some people have in the past started out with simply a room of one's own where they could write. This works great provided you aren't like me with two very small curious children. So The next step is a home away from home without the children, say in a hotel. Again a great idea, provided that you aren't spending the week with the TV on or the money on phone bills calling home or worse... spending time in a spa, when you should be writing.

That leaves one option: Writing retreats. Now I'd love to go on one myself, since I know what a intense time it is. If you are serious about writing go to one. I'll say this, don't pick any simply because they seem good. I think the best thing that needs to come out is having editors and professions in your field there. It also needs to be a long enough time where you can get work done. And NO distractions, just writing.

My main point is Writing Retreats are a must at some point.

Now a Question for you: what would it take to make your writing go to the next level?

-Rebecca Emrich

**Thanks Rebecca for your insight and words. You're welcome to guest blog with me anytime!

Uninterrupted....

2009-06-09T13:58:00.002-06:00

Hey guys and gals,

My usual blog will be up and running with a post from a guest next week and then my usual schtick will be here before you know it. Finishing a manuscript is MUCH harder than I thought it would be.

But. I have to do it.

It's almost there. A few more weeks and voila' the New Face of Jazz should be in the hands of my editor.

For now, I'll guest blogging later this week on Brian Knight's blog, The New Author. And don't just go there to read my posting, read through all of his works on there. They're insightful and offer invaluable advice to the new writer/author.

Thanks again to Brian for having me.

Yours in Finishing What you Started, Finding Your Worth and Finally Getting it.

Cicily

Guest Blogger: Brian Knight "You Have a Blog...Now What?"

2009-06-02T14:58:00.002-06:00

Good day, my name is Brian Knight and I am the creator of the New Author. Before I begin I want to thank Cicily for inviting me to guest blog today. When talking to Cicily about today's topic she suggested I write about blogging and how to develop a following for your blog. As I am not a professional at this I do have some knowledge and experience to share so let's jump in and have some fun.

You've spent hours maybe days generating a great looking blog. You have all the widgets, subscriber links, and even a nice looking photo of yourself neatly organized around that big empty spot in the middle of your blog. With that done there is only one thing left to do...write your first blog post. This is the moment of truth where many will freeze as they wonder what to write. Does this sound familiar? Don't worry, you are not alone if it does.

A blog can be a great tool for networking, building a platform and/or getting your voice heard. However, it takes work and effort to achieve these things. Remember the old saying "Rome wasn't built in a day"? The same thing holds true to blogs and websites. How do you create an attractive, fun, informative blog? These are a few things to keep in mind:

Pick a topic you are passionate about.
Allow your imagination to run free and have fun with your blog.
Engage the reader.

Okay, that makes sense and they are easy enough to do. Are they really? I think we should look at these a little closer.

All three are very important but it all starts with a topic you are passionate about. Your readers will see and feel your passion within your words when you are truly passionate about that topic. However, your passion will also pull you through on those tough days when you really don't feel the words flowing and you can't seem to get an idea for a post. There have been days when I could not get an idea even if my life depended on it but it is at these times when my passion for writing kicks in and before I know it there is a 600 word article before my eyes ready to post. This is why passion is important in more ways then one.

Readers want to be entertained and mentally stimulated. Yes, your blog presentation will gain their attention for a brief moment it will be your words that bring them back. Allow your imagination to run free and have fun with both your set-up and your posts. Your imagination will keep your blog fresh and energized. Don't be afraid to try new things like a contest, workshop, guest bloggers, or whatever you think would be fun to do. Once you establish a fun and energetic atmosphere around your blog it will take on a life of it's own. People will be drawn to it because they will want to read it.

As true as it is that readers want fun, informative posts it is also true that they don't want to be lectured or read posts from a person who presents themselves as a know-it-all. I believe a good blog is one that resembles a community whereas everyone shares success stories, failures, frustrations and lends support. As creator of the blog it is your job to facilitate that by writing articles about your own success, failure, frustrations and call/lend support. These aspects can be blended into informative posts as you show what that particular information means to everyone (including you) reading it.

One final thing, when your blog is up and running you want to draw attention to it until the buzz spreads on it's own. How do you do that? Visit other blogs and leave comments, add comments in forums similar to your blog topic, join other networking sites such as LinkedIn and/or Twitter (remember to subscribe to your blog so your posts will also be seen on these sites) and include the address to your blog in your e-mails you send out.

If you would like more information about blogging and promoting your blog check out this article.

Brian Knight
The New Author
http://the-new-author.blogspot.com
Premium Promotional Services
www.premiumpromotions.biz'

Everyone go check out what Brian has to say on his blog, The New Author. Named one of the very best and most actually useful writer's resources on the web by predators and editors polls, he's got information you need to know. Thanks Brian for being a part of my blog.

~Cicily

What's on my desk today?!?!? Who Cares?

2009-05-26T07:12:00.004-06:00

Quote of the Day:
Just cause you got the Monkey off your back,
doesn't mean the circus has left town.
~George Carlin

Current Local Weather:
Rain? Got it? Need it?
Tears? Got em? Need em?
Lightening rod pain in the a**?
Selling it all by the boatload here in the Springs.

Currently on my iPod:
Grace Kelly *
Mika
*singing it at the top of your lungs first thing in the morning helps.*

Dear Friends, Family and my Family of Friends,

Wrapping it up. Yep. That's what I thought too. Stop laughing. Please, really, it's a sick and disturbing laugh and makes the voices come back. I don't have enough meds to get me through the day, so please, hold back this once, cut me some slack. And don't look at me that way, it's just a simple oversight. Really, I can be a better person. Tomorrow, promise. But for today, it' s just a re-interview or two or five. Or maybe a straggler asking, *begging* to be recounted as someone in the book. A re-write, trim, lipo-suction of the worst kind, the MS kind!

Working...working...working...For all two of you who read this blog who are writers, or haplessly addicted to my process of documenting the jazz community in our nation, let me give you a run down of stats and what it takes to put together a project of this stature. At least my version of what it takes. The real stats might be revealed one day when I'm dead. For now, you get my version. (I love stats. I should have majored in it!)

Days working on The New Face of Jazz MS: 382
Words in working, non-organized draft, as of 7:22a.m. MST, Tues. May 26, 2009: 87,902
Words allowed: Somewhere around 130K, and no, that will never be enough.
Words in working, organized, pretty and could be ready one day soon-ish draft, as of 7:23a.m. MST, Tues. May 26, 2009: 10,076
Number of artists scheduled to be included in draft as of same time, place, yadda, yadda: 285
Number of artists likely not to make book due to the RH version captain crunch of page counts: 100
Number of interns starting today to help finish the compilation of all this data: 1
Number of sighs of relief breathed due to the start of said intern: ONE!
Appendix pages that are in complete shambles: too many to list and in fear of agent/editor reading, will not be mentioned in great detail. :)
Number of jazz societies, educational venues, clubs, non-profits and other such places that need to be contacted, updated and more: Yeah, like I'd really tell you. There's not enough Valium in the world to give you the exact number before I go into a complete and utter panic attack, not heading down that slippery slope this morning.
Number of interviews left to transcribe: 18
Number of hours those interviews consume in my iTunes: 30
Number of legal letters Random House wants me to send out for permission to use the words of people who already granted me interviews, are mostly out of contact due to summer tour schedules and more: uh, somewhere in the vicinity of over 300.
Number of Advil, Tylenol and other OTC/illegal/street drugs that can be consumed in any given hour while working on deadline without killing oneself: I'll get back to you on that one.

This is just a little bit'o'work from my desk. What's on your plate/desk/car dashboard today? For me, working towards a goal, no matter how small, as in, Cicily will get her emails out to the artists today regarding letters and photo shoots today, is something I have to have in order to be productive. When I decided to hire on an intern to help take over some of this massive project I had to abate any of the naysaying critical inner-voices inside me. This will only help me meet my goal. Is she writing my book for me, uh, hell no. Is she doing anything that could be constituted as child-labor, slave-labor, yes. But that's by her own choice. She's old enough, so whatever. Having someone look up addresses, names, contact info., mail envelopes etc. is a BLESSING!

Can you really do it all by yourself? Of course! Wonder-Twin Powers Unite! (*Ching your wrists together wit a writer friend, spin around in a circle and then go back to your desk screaming that outloud. Your voices and you will unite and it will all happen for you too! This pledge is not backed by my usual 90 day money-back-guarantee. Please email the complaints dept. with any questions.*)

But seriously, can you? I can. I know I can. I just have to have a clear goal in mind. Regardless of the genre you're writing in, you must know what your end goal of that particular piece is going to be. I'm not talking about the goal of publication/agent/marriage etc, I'm talking small-micro-managed goals. Is your goal to have your character get up and move across the room? Then go for it. Why is it hard for this character to get up and move this way? Is his mother-in-law sitting across that room? Is there a dead man he doesn't want to have to kill AGAIN sitting there? Is there a monkey on his back?

Plot out your day just as you would your characters and you might just find that one of Those days, will soon turn into one of those GREAT days in which you can start to say, mission accomplished.

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go back to the jelly bean breakfast, laden with diet coke and a sampling of peanut butter granola that I've set up for myself and the recorded words of the masters. :)

Yours in micro-managing, making-out-like-a-bandit, and more-or-less losing my mind,

Cicily

MAY I REPEAT MYSELF?

2009-05-23T23:07:00.018-06:00

Writing Away Retreats: Official House and Details

**FINE PRINT: THIS IS THE GREAT ROOM OF THE HOUSE YOU'LL BE SPENDING A WEEK OR SO IN OCTOBER. WORKING ON YOU, YOUR MS, AND THE REFRESHMENT OF YOUR SANITY.**

Quote of the Day:
There is no harm in repeating a good thing.
~Plato

Current Local Weather:
Swells of rainy weather, bringing in
views of paradise all at once, causing massive
confusion among the natives.

Currently on my iPod:
'Cemetery Walk II'
Mantis
Umphrey's McGee
(yeah, if you haven't heard this band, you're missing out)

Dear friends, family and family of friends,

This is a repeat brought to you by our sponsor, Writing Away Retreats.

In desperate search for cheap/free advertising earlier this week I googled writing groups, writing critique groups, groups for writers, and almost every permutation of these words I could think of. What I found was an endless supply of websites for writer's groups across the country. AKA: Free advertising for my retreats. I have been emailing the webmasters, presidents, head cheese, head boobah's of such groups etc and asking if I could help their groups out by offering them a glance at my retreats, a scholarship opportunity and more on their list-servers. Oh my. The response has been overwhelming! Here are some of the ones that have responded in the last twenty-four hours:

MWA Writer's Resources Page
Southbay Writers
Colorado Author's League
Pikes Peak Writers
The Writer's Center
For Writer's .com
Prescott Writers
Cheryl's Musings (Blog)
Write Bastard (Blog)
Gently Read Literature (Blog)
Mark Weichman's blog on Myspace (Blog)
Jamie Cat Callan (author and Writer's ToolBox Creator)
Living a Life of Writing: Rebecca's Book Blog
Things about Transylvania
Nebraska Center for Writers
Southeastern Writers

These are GREAT resources in your community and on-line. I suggest you check all of them out. Join them if they're relevant for where you're at in your process or where you're at geographically. I'll be adding a list to the side of my blog of these names as well for writing resource sites. And now...for the part you've all been waiting for! The slide show of the house I've settled upon for the retreats for the rest of time.

*Isn't this where you need to be about now? How about October??*

Picture this:

10K sq. ft. 13 bedrooms, two of which you wouldn't be able to find without a guided tour of the house. The linens...oh the linens. I asked the woman what a particular door led to, as I genuinly felt lost throughout the guided tour, the house was so huge and she said, oh, just a linen closet. Uh, yeah. I could have lived in that closet! Rows, upon rows of down blankets, plush towels etc. We're not talking your average run of the mill thin coverlets from the Super 8. Down blankets for as far as the eye can see, thick downy textures everywhere! Where there's carpet..your feet sink down into it! No wonder they are a NO SHOE policy place!

This house was once named one of the very best Bed and Breakfast in the nation, drop off to the door from the airport, PLENTY of nooks and crannies throughout the house for great conversation with literary agents, editors and authors!

Don't forget! We have two scholarship contests currently running! Entries for the partial scholarship for either the five day or eleven day retreat are due in on June 15th to the creativelivesworkshop@hotmail.com addy and the full scholarship stories/essays/poetry are due in on July 1, 2009. DON'T MISS OUT ON THIS OPPORTUNITY! Full details for this are online at the website.

Yeah, it's all here. I have a saying, there are two sides to every success. Let me be the one that makes it possible for you to write your success story out the way you've always pictured it.

Wrap your senses around this:
In our society, we tend to nourish the very young and very old...where is the room for this with our generation?

Right Here:

Soak in the comfort of knowing you're going to be welcomed with open arms; regardless of genre, region and/or publication past. I foster a strict policy of nurturing and loving the arts and artists in this world.

Writing Away Retreats is that ideal environment. Appealing to all senses, I take great pride in being able to bring forth my contacts throughout the literary world, a strength and desire to nourish my peers with loving hands and heart, so that I may be one that allows you to succeed.

I have hand-picked an unprecedented team of faculty that are kindred spirits. I've spoken at length with them, either via phone or email and know that they're on the same wavelength as I am. Please let go...It's time to say goodbye to stress, pitch sesssions, crappy hotels and fast food that are all things synonymous with anonymous writing conferences of the past. Let me show you what it means to be truly taken care of. You won't be sorry.

Take this fall and learn what it means to set-aside the time to
invest in your success story:

So, where will you be in October? Will you be seated at my table:

with Scott of Folio Lit, or Robert of Sterling? Maybe sharing a hot tottie with Kate or Michael? Wrapping up a long hike in the woods with Signe or Sorche? Throwing another log on the fire before hopping into the hot-tub outside to enjoy conversation with the finest people you'll ever meet?

Hmmm...Hopefully wherever your thoughts are now, you'll find them resting at my piece of Literary Heaven once the fall crisp leaves are hitting your door step.

Yours in Writing Thoughts, Waiting for Your Registration Forms, and Wanting More For You,

Cicily

And Now For Something Completely Different

2009-05-18T11:38:00.002-06:00

Quote of the Day:
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
~Charles Kettering

Current Local Weather:
Sunny. Too Hot Already. Dammit. Sarcasm
Punctuating Thoughts with Bursts of Productivity.

Currently on my iPod:
"Everything I Love"
Visions
Tom Harrell

Dear Friends, Family and Family of Friends,

Well. Nothing's really different here save the weather. I'm hot. No, not in looks, as in my neck is sweating and a distinct odor is emitting itself from...anyway, we've had unseasonably hot weather here in Colorado but I'm not going to complain any further. If you remember, just a few weeks ago we had a blizzard that almost killed me. So upwards and onwards. I'll listen to Bon Iver and hopefully get a nice chill up my spine to cool me off for a while.

For today's lesson, kids, let's talk craft. Something different for a while. Writing. Actual writing. Since the acquisition of my agent, then my editor at the big house in the publishing sky, lots of peeps have asked my "professional" opinion on writing. LOL. I still laugh, as that doesn't seem right. But here it goes.

First question they ask is about their work: Do you think this idea is going to sell. Uh? I'm not an agent. I'm not a publisher/editor/coveter of dreams...

BUT.

I do know the single most valuable piece of advice I was given in this industry and it worked for me!

Write what you know.

If you are writing this:

A teenage girl, nerdy, rejected by her peers, falls in love with the hottest dude in school only to find out that he's a vampire and sure enough! He's in love with her...they run off together to have escapades one could only dream of...uh, think again. But you say, CICILY! Mine's different. MY BOOK IS DIFFERENT BECAUSE:

A) The Vampire's only suck grape juice, it's the true G rated version, will appeal to the mass market.

B) These Vampires are really joking. It's all a lie in the end.

C) It's really a story about the evolution of time and the meaning behind the creation of man and how teenagers are spawns of life and how if they suck the life out of eachother we'll all die of swine flu and there's no way any of us are going to survive this and I don't know how I'll ever manage my finances in this economy I must write a bestseller now.

IF ANY OF YOUR but..wait, no mine is really different excuses are like this, then, you've got an issue. You've got issues in the first place if your premise is anything like the example anyway so who are you kidding. Put yourself in check.

Ask yourself these questions:

* Is your premise original?

*If your premise is not original, then is it a great and original recasting of an oldie but goodie? Think of Shakespeare tales...

* Is your story appealing to it's target audience? i.e. Can you tell a story about love and lust, more importantly sell a story like that as a children's picture book? I don't think so...

*What is your overall message here and WHY ARE YOU the best person to tell this story? What is your platform?

If you're just a damn good storyteller then that's fine and dandy. But in today's market you have to be more. WAY MORE. Selling fiction is damn near impossible otherwise. So, here's the deal. What else do you know? Are you a rocket-scientest? Are you? Come on, admit it! Why don't you tell the story of rocket science! Are you the assistant to the first lady of the president of the world's largest block of cheese in Switzerland? What a cool job! Man, what have you seen on a day to day basis? Do you have a unique way of telling that story? Can you tell it through the view point of the individual holes of cheese you count every day? There's got to be a better way.

Think outside the box. This is how you come up with what's called, HIGH-CONCEPT ideas. Something that is rarely duplicated or replicated. Try to think about what you can offer the world that's unique. Think of how many people are trying to copy TWILIGHT!!! Argh. Be original, for it's the one thing we all have in common.

Good luck, now get those frickin pens rolling!

Yours in penning, pining, and ponying up to the task at hand,

Cicily

Thank you Mr. Tisdale.

2009-05-15T13:53:00.002-06:00

Watch the spirit and smile of Wayman Tisdale. He's a beautiful soul and a wonderful musician, sportsman, human being. He suffered from Osteosarcoma and today, succumbed to the disease. He'll be missed dearly, but at least now he's without pain. Sleep well Tisdale and we'll see you on the flip side.

Finding Home

2009-05-11T13:22:00.008-06:00

Quote of the Day:
I long, as does every human being, to be at home
wherever I find myself.
~Maya Angelou

Current Local Weather:
Cloudy skies with long faces,
swollen feet and a goal hopefully finding
its home in the 10 day outlook.

Currently on my iPod:
#41
Under the Table and Dreaming
Dave Matthews Band

Dear friends, family and my family of friends,

I waited to give myself some distance and time to blog on the happenings at the retreat last week. This was my second full fledged Writing Away Retreat. Let me give you an expanded version and run down of last weeks stats:

9 writers, 3 staff members, 3 spouses (all of which had their own muse and charm and left me with a lasting feeling of warmth) and me.

Location: This House; Arroyo Seco, NM: Average number of words written and NOT deleted throughout week: 10K/writer
Average number of calories consumed per meal per writer: enough to expand your thinking cap and waist line.
Average number hours staff spent with writers one on one and with MS critiques: 2.4 for consults and 1.2 on the MS critique prior to the retreat
Average number of meals consumed including hot totties and snacks on any given day: too many to list.
Average number of sighs, smiles and slight but distinct measurements of contentedness: innumerable
Average number of times we heard Doug Crandell mention his gorgeous and talented wife Nancy was going to leave him for me due to my cooking...and then proceed to walk downstairs to fetch a beer or three: too numerous to count
Number of times non-native English speaking sweetheart and artist extraordinaire Nathalie Vogel and I pounded Random House/Vintage editor Tim O'Connell, Literary Agent Gary Heidt, and Writer Heather Fowler into the wood of the dining table with our vicious Scrabble skills: 1 (they declined another game.)
Number of times Karma bit me on the ass for gloating over my success in Scrabble by jacking up my foot, knee and poise as I got out of the hot tub and slipped on the stairs, pretty much face first with a** in the air: 1 (I am the quintessential klutz, if you haven't met me, just ask those that do know me.)

And so on and so forth...needless to say, I feel blessed to have had the will power, know-how and staff to back me up to make this dream a reality. Yet there is something else that went on at this retreat...

A bond was formed.
This is the power of a home.

I have the feeling we could have been in a walk-up in Brooklyn and still made this happen with the people we had here, but being secluded in western paradise surely doesn't hurt.

So the story goes: I was cooking up some sauce or other when I overheard a conversation in the kitchen, less than a few feet away, between one of the couples at the retreat:

Dude: "You're back." (backstory: Chick had just gone out into the town or somewhere to do some sightseeing and shopping or whatnot.)
Chick: "Yeah, was fun. Got lots of pictures."
Dude: "Glad you made it back home safely."

I couldn't have felt better than in that very moment. If nothing else had happened the whole week, just hearing those words made my retreat a success. Dude, he called it home.

That's my goal.

I've said this before, I'm sure, but let me emphasize why I do this: In this society we pride ourselves on pampering the very young and the very old and tend to ignore those that are working day in and day out with no rest or relief in sight except for the occasional vacation. This is where I come in. Why not take time out of your life to invest in yourself. You only have one of you. If you have more, please...please tell the rest of us how to get another one so we can get more done. We tend to emphasize overworked, overstressed, overeating (well, okay, that one is okay for a week a year) overkilling our supposedly most vibrant and active generations. By golly, we deserve a break too. Making an investment in what you want to do, creating something beautiful for the world in yourself, is never something that should be looked down upon, rather something that should be applauded. Come find your home away with me. Find out how good food can taste, how well your words work and most of all, the feeling of rest at its best. No stiff clothes allowed, no stress allowed either. Just comfy, all-round, good natured life. I stress to my writers that we are not to impress eachother with our clothes or our outside world, just our wit and our smiles.

I think is the key to creating this nurturing environment is to bring the writing conference/clinic/retreat life into a more natural environment. A home. I don't know about you, but I work best when relaxed. whether it be my home, my folks, a bed and breakfast etc. To make things better, I work even more efficiently when that home is in order (anyone know how to make that happen at my place?) with cleanliness lining the walls, aromatic charm (not mothballs) and peace. But this isn't about direct comparisson because all ventures in writing that offer writers feedback and time away is valuable. I'm just a different bird, well a dead bird, soaked in orange sauce, wrapped in bacon and stuffed with flavor. :)

So how do you find time to make your house a home so you may write? Slow down and figure out how to do this for yourself. Even if you can't make it to one of my retreats, it's vitally important for you to do this in your writing space and time. As a nation, we're hurting for a surround of beauty. How are you going to ensure we build that for the ones that come after you and then after them? Let's get away from the mass-marketed strip malls and fabricated, made-in-china walls. Paint your world with all of your senses and make it a place where you can say, I'm glad I'm home.

One more thing before I close. Some of us in this world are not safe. My dear friend Daniel Casey runs a blog titled: Gently Read Literature. I read it on a weekly basis. He has reviews, art, all things beautiful, including himself. He's one man who is diligently creating beauty in this world by educating the next generation, ensuring that good books are read, shared and freely available and art is recognized by even us jaded digitized fools. But, what he posted this week alarmed me and took me aback. Made me sick really. I want to make you all aware of this. And please, please, help if you can.

This is a direct copy off of his blog, I don't think he'll mind.

FIND CRAIG ARNOLD

May 2, 2009

by Daniel Casey

Our dear friend and an exceptionally talented poet, Craig Arnold, has gone missing on the small volcanic island of Kuchino-erabu-shima while on a creative exchange fellowship. AS OF 4/30 the authorities are on the fourth day of searching for Craig, and are Japanese police on the ground are searching. We greatly appreciate the efforts of both the Japanese and American governments in searching for Craig–lots of people are on the ground working to ensure Craig’s safe return. The response from the U.S. government and from the Japanese authorities have been overwhelmingly positive and we are enormously pleased and grateful for their expanded and extended efforts. Our prayers and thanks are with them as they search.

With the assistance of the University of Wyoming, a fund has been established to support the search efforts to find Craig. Even the smallest contribution would be of use. If you would like more information about the fund including specific information about what the fund will be used for at various stages, please see the post on the discussion board. The link directly to the fund is here: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5149253

Here’s the link to a Facebook group that can also give more information: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=74254019683&ref=nf

If you can help at all with this or have any information, please do not hold back. ALSO: PLEASE REPOST ON YOUR BLOG. NO EXCEPTIONS. Let's all help Craig find his home.

As always, thanks for reading.

Yours in Home, Helping Hands and Heartfelt Love,

Cicily

Writing Away Retreats Feedback and Announcements!

2009-05-06T09:26:00.008-06:00

Quote of the Day:
Odd how the creative power at once
brings the whole universe to order.

~Virginia Woolfe

Current Local Forecast:
Successful downpours and showers of love, affection
and beauty from all angles. Glowing Smiles expected to last
all afternoon, possibly into the next year or so.

Currently on my iPod:
Sexy Lady from Rumba Palace
Arturo Sandoval

Dear friends, family and family of friends,

You know the saying...if you do something you love, you'll never work a day in your life? Yeah, that one. I am again, over and again, awe-struck by the feeling of success and love from my retreat. The May retreat in Arroyo Seco, NM was an utter success. Stats: 9 writers, 3 staff members, 3 spouses/significant others and me. Approx. total words written between all of us: 100K between all of us.

Let me throw out a new contest:

If you REALLY want to go but can't afford it and don't want to enter the fiction/essay/poetry contest you can do this:

DISHES Scholarship!!

60% off the total cost whether or not you go for 5 or 11 days.
All benefits of being a writer included, MS consults and all.

Catch: You have to do the dishes and clean up after each meal.

How do you get into such a fortunate position?

Send me at creativelivesworkshop@hotmail.com your best and most creative top 10 list of why you should do the dishes of writers, editors and agents. Entry fee: A whopping ZERO dollars.
Deadline to enter: June 1, 2009
Winner announced on July 1, 2009.

Fiction/essay/poetry contest:

Winner receives full ride to Writing Away Retreats for their preference of a 5 day or 11 day retreat in October, 2009.

Theme: Burning Down the House
Limitations: 5K word max, essay, short story or up to 3 poems based on theme.
Deadline to enter: July 1, 2009
Winners announced: August 1, 2009

Entry Fee: 20 dollars.
Once entry is accepted at creativelivesworkshop@hotmail.com ( attach as a .doc file) you will be sent a paypal invoice for the 20 dollars.

With this fee comes a 10% discount to the retreat.

Judged by Sorche Fairbank of Fairbank Literary Agency and Mike Signorelli of Harper Collins.

Get creative with your works. Doesn't have to be a literal translation of the theme!

Hope to hear from you soon.

I'll close this post (and of course I'll post more detailed accounts of the retreat soon) with some blurbs from attendees of Writing Away Retreats, May 2009:

"My mind and body have been nourished and renewed. My creativity enriched and my spirit fed. I'm indebted to Cicily. She's one of the most engaging, nurturing and talented and connected folks I"ve met. Writing Away is one of the most invigorating experiences I've had."

~Nancy Brooks-Lane
(Spouse and Attendee with Author Doug Crandell for May 2009 retreat)

"I will be forever grateful for this retreat. As a new writer tackling the most ambitious project I could dream p, this was an invaluable opportunity to get some great feedback early on from people in the "know" with respect to writing. Even better was all of the enthusiasm and intelligent conversations, so thank you! You are definitely giving back to the world."

~Todd Chaney
Writer Attendee for May 2009, Writing Away Retreats

"What a brilliant concept you have in "writing away retreats." The good food combined with the warm and nurturing atmosphere made this the ideal escape for writers. My retreat has been a mind-opening experience. The community of like minded individuals combined with an excellent quality of life and your incredible generosity of spirit has pampered and renewed me. I wish you the best of success and hope to see you again soon."

~Audrey Harris
Attendee of Writing Away Retreats
Senior Publicist for Harper Collins

"I'm honored to be a part of this. In talking with the participants, the environment created here is vastly more conducive to productivity than others they've attended. The atmosphere you created for these writers was perfect. Even though I was a member of the staff, I never felt like I was working. Truly a productive experience for everyone involved. You are an inspiration in your work ethic and your kindness. I wish you the best of luck with this and f you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. Great food, mountains, wild chasing dogs and vicious scrabble...what else could an editor ask for? "

~Tim Oconnell
Staff for Writing Away Retreats, May 2009
Editor for Vintage/Random House

"Easily the best of the writer's conferences/retreats I've attended. Attendees were happy and relaxed and thinking only about the works they were working on. The food was great, the staff and attendees-top notch. Thanks so much for having me along."

~Gary Heidt
Lit. Agent with Signature Literary Agency
Staff Member of Writing Away retreats, May 2009

"There isn't anything out there for writer's like this. You're respectful of adult intelligence, you have created a huge opportunity for writers when presenting them with this time with an agent, editor and author is unprecedented. Where else can a writer do everything they need to and want to do to improve their career? The food alone was worth the admission and everyone around just kept saying they couldn't believe they were there."

~Doug Crandell
Author of Flawless Skin of Ugly People, Hairdo's for the Mildly Depressed (Virgin Books), and a soon to be out True Crime book through Penguin Books.
www.dougcrandell.com
Author and Staff for Writing Away Retreats
May 2009
Hope to see you there soon! Website updated very soon...stay tuned.

Yours in Rest, Retreats and Rendered Speechless by the love and kindness of others,

Cicily

May I correct myself

2009-04-28T13:09:00.003-06:00

Dear all,

I have comments regarding my comments on Romance writing. What I meant to get across was that I was VERY judgmental of Romance when I should not have been, hence my words, that's what I thought they were when the LAST TIME I READ IT WAS 1990 and I should have given it another thought and not been that way at all... Thanks for reading guys.

~Cicily

This I Believe and Wish For You

2009-04-27T20:54:00.006-06:00

Quote of the Day:
It's not who you are that holds you back,
It's who you think you're not...
~Anonymous

Current Local Forecast:
Streams of excitement falling in droves
from the spring/summer/winter-like weather due to
impending retreats.

Currently on my iPod:
Wishes
Serene Renegade by Rene Marie
(If you haven't heard this song...listen. NOW. I gave you the link,
no excuse. Besides, this blog is best read with this song as it's soundtrack...)

Hey guys!

I've been meaning to blog about this for a while now and this weekend prompted me to do so. At the Pikes Peak Writer's Conference on Sunday afternoon a wonderful woman, Barbara Samuel, spoke about believing. Yes, I cried. You would have too. I believe ALL of us were, even Bret Wright. She made a great point. You can't stop, especially when the worst of it is bleeding you dry, believing in who you are and what you stand for. What do you believe in? Who do you believe in? Why do you believe in these things? NPR has a WONDERFUL program titled, This I Believe. Essays about the human condition, the beliefs of people from all walks of life come together on this show and in the voices of the people who wrote them which is why it's one of my particular favorites...

What stood out about Barbara? Well, the fact that I'm usually and unusually biased AGAINST romance writers is the first thing. I was judging her before I set foot in the luncheon. I thought, great, what does a romance writer have to say? What ON EARTH could she say that would speak to me. I don't know what I was thinking she would say, maybe, this is how you write a love scene and make it steamy? How to plague readers with mediocre dialogue revolving around love that doesn't exist in real life? In reality, I haven't read a single romance book since about 1990. So, why should I judge? Why should I believe something to be true when it's probably not and I should just let it roll off of my chipped, cracked, jaded and sometimes rotten shoulders. Right? Yep. So, Cicily is not going to bitch about Romance books anymore. Next year, Chris, I'll be happy to help coach them on pitching. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm going to just spell it out, my beliefs, so I know myself. Why not take this beautiful and genuine look from one woman and create an exercise into personal insight. I think we could all stand to do this from time to time, keep ourselves in check with what we believe and make sure we're really STANDING TALL with our beliefs and not falling down against them.

I believe in the power of positive thinking. Sometimes when you think you're going to die, you might just die mentally. It's amazing how those that are ACTUALLY dying begin to think that they're not dying and living in the total contrary of what others expect of them and they perk up. That pale skin falls away and a light begins to shine. So why should I not think positively?

I believe in the power of a woman. Women are grossly underestimated, yes, yes, they are....even today. I have seen it in every way, shape and form. I even believed it myself and about myself. I no longer believe in the lies, I believe in the truth. We are beautiful, each one of us, and if we start to believe it's not true, then it will become that way for you.

I believe in the brute force and power of friends. When was the last time I cried? uh, yeah, yesterday. Hmmm...When was the last time I cried and a good friend couldn't get me out of it or at least give me his/her shoulder to dampen that damn sobbing wreckage of a soul? Why live your life without them? Friends...the Deb Courtney's, Travis Erwin's, Chris Mandeville's, Sue Mitchell's, Jene Jackson's, Rene Marie's, Henry Hey's, Doug Wamble's, Ned Radinsky's, Gary Heidt's and Carrie Morris's of the world can save your life...and have in my case. If you don't have any then by-god go get you some. Or get back in touch with the ones you did have! Get over what's between you two and realize that they might just be the one person who is left when all is said and done.

I believe I can accomplish anything I want to. Marathons? Uh, yeah, Probably not. But I haven't REALLY tried for it. So until I have tried and miserably failed over and over and over again, I can't say that I can't do it! So for now, probable nots are better than definite nots.

I believe love really does conquer all. All fears, all loss, all pain, all excitement, all ego, all things wrong and right. Call me what you want, but this is a very powerful belief.

I believe a wish can take you to places you've never been. Holding onto that hope, that wish, that chance you take with your conscience everytime you believe a wish could come true, you've taken a chance and a step towards making that happen for yourself. Blow out your candles every single day.

I believe there is someone greater than all of us out there. He's watching out and guiding the path for me and you and everyone I know.

I believe there is a time in which all of my friends, family and strangers of which I have yet to call friend will be successful in whatever they call success. Defining success is not something that's particularly easy to do. Right now, most of us, if you take monetary means as a definition of success are failing. Or at least most of the people I know are. But true success is, at least in my mind, the fact that in two days my girlfriend Cheryl, who happens to be a brilliant writer, is going to join me in Albuquerque and we're going to pick up a bunch of folks who are generously giving their time to perpetuate careers in the arts all at my coordination. Success is also the fact that I'm sitting here with a roof, a bed, a full (too full) belly and water to drink at my side without the want for anything else.

So here's my wish for you, I wish you would write down your beliefs. Write them down so you too can read them outloud, see them in print or on the screen and then maybe, just maybe you'll start to believe them too. For just thinking that you're believing something just isn't good enough. KNOWING you're believing something is what it's all about. Comment if you like. I always want to hear what you have to say.

Yours in beliefs, brushing the world with your dreams and bar tabs that have been paid and paid for.

Cicily

PS: I'm leaving you with a poem/song lyrics/sweet loveliness of one of the women I believe in the most. The song you MUST buy, Wishes, (link up at the top of the blog) is below. Believe in yourself and let those wishes go from your mind and spirit and soul to the page. You might just start believing that those wishes are no longer intangible truths...instead are your reality.

Wishes
by: Rene Marie

Sitting in a cafe, amidst the smoke and perfume,
My coffee cups my ashtray and I'm way past my bloom.
The last lonely woman's wishes are still on my glass
and I'm just another in a long line...moving fast.

I wish you would touch me
I wish you'd leave me the hell alone.

And all how I wish this crutch didn't leave
such an imprint in my bones.

All these half-assed wishes stretched across the
stars lead to angry men in cocktail bars.

And if wishes were horses, beggars would ride,
if Wishes were lovers, I'd have a 1000 at my side
if wishes were happiness, I'd be smiling right now
and if wishes were answers....

Sometimes I wish, I was still young,
wish I could turn this spotlight
into the morning sun.

Yes, I wish I may and I wish I might,
have all these wishes I wish tonight...

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride,
if wishes were lovers, I'd have 10,000 at my side
if wishes were happiness, I'd be laughing out loud.
If wishes were answers....
I'd know the truth by now...

Overdeveloped Pictures

2009-04-20T17:28:00.004-06:00

Quote of the Day:
The world today doesn't make sense so why should I paint pictures that do?
~Pablo Picasso

Current Local Forecast:
Sunny with scattered clouds for the next few minutes. 20% chance of
moody, irritable periods of silence exist in the 10 day outlook.

Currently on my iPod:
Reno,
Chris Cheek's album: Vine
(can't stop listening to this tune, check it out)

ANNOUNCEMENT:

I was interviewed this week
Listen to me here:
http://wbul.usf.edu/podcasts/new-faces-jazz-8

Dear friends, family and family of friends,

I'm back in the blogging mode. Glad to be back. Hope you all didn't suffer too much without my weekly words of wisdom. ha! Anyway, A few announcements before we get to my cryptic blog title. The website for Writing Away Retreats will be updated this week. We're having two 5 day retreats in October back to back. You can stay at both for a slight but well worth it increase in price if you really need the time away.

The house is in Breckenridge, CO and is gorgeous.
Not to mention, I have an all star staff. I'm sooooo excited to work with them. They include: Author and Editor, Signe Pike of Plume/Penguin, Kate Gale of Red Hen Press, Editor, Mike Signorelli of Harper Collins, Scott Hoffman of Folio Lit Agency, Sorche Fairbank of Fairbank Literary Agency, Matt Marinovich author of Strange Skies from Harper Collins, Eddie Schnieder of JaBberwocky Lit. Agency among others, and of course, ME! :)

Enough of that.

So, processing pics. Yeah, I know, it's a thing of the past. I don't think anyone born after the year 2000 will ever know what it's like to not have instant picture gratification. Remember those little receptacles in the middle of the parking lot of the Big Lion and Piggly Wiggly shopping centers where you deposited canisters containing memories and walked away 2.5 days later with beautiful 3X5's of your favorite overdeveloped people? I do. But what we should really be thinking of now, is the bigger picture of who we are. Are we overdeveloped? Are we developed against the backdrops of fake and delusional scenery in an Olan Mills life?

*these are not real people, they just play them on blogs.*

Anyway...hyper-pigmented and overprocessed lives. Take a look at the bigger picture. I've spent way too much time with myself lately. Writing, working on my writing, writing on writing and writing for fun when the writing got old. It's a solitary profession at best and I'm starting to believe my literary agent is actually my best friend. Gary, I love you. Yeah, okay, I'll retract that in fear of losing his hand holding sessions for good. I'm weaning myself from his apron strings, slowly. VERY slowly as not to cause uncontrollable bleeding from the eyeballs.

Regardless, I think we should all rethink the bigger picture of our own lives. I did. It worked. For the most part at least it's worked very well. What is your bigger picture? Now, I'm not talking about American Idol. Not that there's anything, well there is, I retract that statement too. There is something very wrong with the almighty AI. The very idea that success comes to those that sit in line in a stadium for hours and sing in their showers only and get uber encouragement from parents and the cheerleading squad in high school is a little bit sickening. Some of these cats do have some talent and I'm not just a jaded musician saying this. But to get it "all" after a few months of "hard" work is what's wrong with this country. This just perpetuates the idea that success can come with luck and a Ford truck commercial contract. You can be everything in the world, money and all by the time you're 20 years old. Sure. Go for it. Worked out well for Michael Jackson and that Britney chick...

Why does everything have to be about a mass-marketable and commercialized competition? Imagine if the literary world was like that. Oh wait, Amazon is doing that! (btw...vote for Travis Erwin's Plundered Booty on Amazon's competition. Period. It's BY FAR the best one up there.) But Amazon is taking novels, which take sweat, gallons and years of, and hard work and more hard work and putting them to the test of the Literate public. Not just the cell phone carrying 12 yr. olds who think some kid is cuter than the others. What happened to the hard work ethics of this country? What happened to valuing the arts as a foundation for our future? This is what the bigger picture is all about, not just the, I-want-to-retire-by-the-time-I'm-23-outlook-on-the-socially-and-mentally-acceptable-weather-channel of our time. Without the arts and the lack f TV, we're going to become senseless, imaginationless idiots.

Why Cicily, you're a bitter b****. If you're thinking this about now, you'd be right or at least I can say I'm getting there fast. I've been observing, waiting, taking notes and names for a whole year. What has resounded through my core is that I've seen WAY too many people who are in WAY too much of a hurry to develop their bigger picture. I'm not talking about the jazz musicians. They are the antithesis of this. They are reverant in their time management skills and painstakingly watch the days go by in hopes that one day, they'll be as good as the founders of the craft.

For the rest of us, remember that taking your time to see what develops in your core, your soul is part of the fun. Process what you really want to do and then write it down. Process what you know you DON"T want to do and then write that down too. Make a list of the pro's and con's and then write those down too. Write until you're blue in the fingers and eyes and head and every other thinking part of you. It's a great therapeutic regimen and is WAY cheaper than any drug or therapist with a fancy leather couch in his/her office. It's the way I started writing and hey, what works for me, might work for you. At least it's worth a try.

I don't think I really knew what I was going to do until about 5 years ago when I began to take writing seriously. Before then I was a student in the big university of life. How would I begin to know what questions to ask my interview subjects had I not been observant about my own actions and learned from mistakes and lessons, both good and bad? I wasn't trying a get rich quick scheme, standing in line to see if my fractured voice would be good enough for the Simon Cowell's of the world or primping in the mirror in hopes to land a sugar daddy. (although if one comes along, I may still consider that as a viable option.) Living life, not in front or through your television or computer pixels is the only viable option as far as I'm concerned. It's also, in my opinion, the only way we're going to begin to fix the horrendous mess we're in as far as the state of arts and culture in our country.

Living life and processing, very slowly, our own lives, is the only way to learn how to communicate with others, to learn how to listen properly and to learn how to live amongst the living. LYAO AND LMAOROFLMAO is NOT communication. Texting is NOT communication unless you're trying to find someone on the streets of NYC and you've taken the subway, the WRONG way for the millionth time and you're late for a meeting with a kind soul that is forgiving you every second you're late. Speak up, listen up and realize that this world is not existing only for you, you have to make it what you want it to be and the only way to do that is through hard work and a fully realized, developed, mature and beautiful self.

I feel better now.

Hope you guys have a great week. Comment as you wish.

Yours in Developing, Desserted Drunken Rampages and Drowning in Pop Culture Wastelands,

Cicily

I'm back....

2009-04-15T00:42:00.003-06:00

Quote of the Day:
I think somehow we learn who we really are and
then live with that decision.
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Current Local Weather:
Clearing skies with high probability
of tremendously loud and dense failure and
success lying around every corner.

Currently on my IPOD:
Single Ladies (Club Remix)
~Beyonce'

HAVE YOU SIGNED UP FOR MY MAILING LIST?
If not, email me at newfaceofjazzmailinglist (@) gmail.com
with your name in the subject line and we'll take it from there.

Hey Guys...I know...has been a while since I've done an actual post. So here ya go...I'm back.

I have to say, this process has changed me. Writing a book is hard. VERY hard. It's probably, other than childbirth, the most difficult thing I've ever done and I'm not even done with it! If you didn't read the previous post, my book The New Face of Jazz has been picked up by Random House/Crown's imprint, Watson-Guptill. Expected Publication date will be in the fall of 2010. It's a way's off, but in the grand scheme of things, it's moving very fast.

As for what I've been up to, I've spent the better part of a year listening to others speak about their lives, their fears, their struggles/challenges and their ideas on how to transition the future generations back into an acceptable place in our culture and society all in the name of writing this book. It's crazy what you can learn by doing this. When was the last time you actually, I mean REALLY, sat down and listened to someone else's story? Yeah, I thought so....

At times, I helped them find the words they had lost. Other times, I dodged flying accusations of being a critic and wanting to sabotage the jazz community. Yet, it's because of this I've changed in ways I never thought I would have or never expected to have changed. My life will never be the same. Passion is a very strong emotion and verb to set one's work ethic to, but when you begin to live by that very word or thought or at the very least, you let it push you and only that push you to get through even the tough times, it's a very powerful result, or can be.

Throughout the year, I set out to do a few interviews to capture the voice of modern jazz in America. Per my usual self, I went slightly overboard. As of now, my 400+ interviews for the book have been completed and I've found one underlying theme. This theme speaks profoundly as to our human condition and the times we live in. Even in a year of transition like this is, over 470 of these people, across racial, financial, generational, and geographical boundary lines expressed needs that were almost the EXACT same.

It can only be my hope that one person will glean affirmation in the human condition and spirit from this book. In the end, it means nothing if you don't know yourself. I believe, after all of this, that I am finally beginning to learn about me. I'm also learning to be okay with just me. Not needing an approval from others. Not needing to be with others for the wrong reasons, but being okay enough with myself so that when I am with others I can be with them for the dire need to be intimate with others thoughts. This is how, I believe, relationships are truly formed. Why it took me so damn long to get here, who knows....but I'm sure glad I'm on the trail marked with solar, organic and lovely lights as opposed to the one covered with vines and tangled weeds with only shadows guiding the way to THAT end.

Yours in Trails, Trading Places and Taking Charge of a life...My Life.

Cicily
www.newfaceofjazz.com
Random House, Fall, 2010

How Things Change

2009-03-04T07:02:00.003-07:00

Hey Guys,

Writing Away Retreats has a couple of announcements:

Our editor for the May retreat, Hilary Sares, has been replaced by Tim Oconnell from Vintage Books which is a subsidiary of Random House. Once in a lifetime opportunity people to have your MS critiqued! Deadline to sign up for the retreat is a month away. Also, readers of my blog get a 10% discount.

Second announcement, my book, THE NEW FACE OF JAZZ, is currently in house at Watson-Guptill which is a division of Crown which is a division of Random House. Yes. Dream realized for sure! OMG. I just can't believe it myself. We're talking contracts.

Third, Writing Away Retreats!!!!!! Still have room for you. I know the economy is tough, but make an investment in your career. It's worth it. I will work with you with payment plans.

Hope to see you all there.

Yours in Randomness, Retreats and Rolling in Excitement,

Cicily

Writing Away Retreats, Part II and III TAOS, NM May 1-5, Vail. CO June, 2009

2008-11-19T10:20:00.003-07:00

Welcome

Writing Away Retreats is a destination vacation for you and your muse. Aiming to serve writer’s who need to get away and focus on their projects, we offer maximum feedback with minimal interruptions. Providing ample time to write, discuss your goals, dreams and projects with like minded creative individuals is what we do best.

Why we do what we do...

Have you ever been to a conference or retreat and at the end you walked away feeling as though nothing was accomplished? Did you get any actual writing completed during the conference in order to implement what you learned while you were there? Were you frustrated and utterly overwhelmed? I've been there. What I aim to offer my guests, is a peaceful, relaxing setting nestled in the Rocky Mountains where you can unwind, take in some fresh air and mostly, expand and satiate your creative juices with like minded individuals.

Our mission is to provide you with the time away from the business and busy-ness of life that so often zaps any creative energy out of you before you even have time to sit down and think clearly. We are delighted to provide a small, intimate retreat along with organic, healthy meals, snacks and beverages. We aim to compose our roster with hand-selected guests and hosts with a wide range of experiences inside and out of the literary world that will give you an optimal experience.

What we all strive for in this business is understanding, time and writing the right story at the right time by telling it the way it needs to be told, the way you intend for it to sound with precise and evocative language. Often times, writers will say that they write because they have no choice. Well, at Writing Away Retreats, we want you to have a choice of where you enhance your project or begin your dream of becoming a writer.

We are glad you are considering us as your next retreat. We promise to give you exactly what you need.

Yours in Words,

Cicily R. Janus
~Founder and Host of Writing Away Retreats

Friday Night at the Vail Jazz Party: Essay #1

2008-08-29T22:48:00.002-06:00

It's been said that life is but a series of choices one makes to get to the next choice that awaits us on the next day. We're all looking for the next spot or the next opportunity to make that choice and there are times when we find it and times when its damn near impossible to find that answer or the one choice we think is the right one.

I'm sitting in a beautiful library at the Cascade Vail Resort in...you guessed it...Vail, Colorado. Why am I here. A multitude of reasons. I'm here because I chose to be here, I'm here because of a series of choices I've made throughout my life and will continue to make for the good or the bad. And more importantly, I realize that whatever choice I make, unless its intentional in its nature to harm someone, will lead me to somewhere unexpected more times than not.

A few months ago I made the choice to listen to an editor at Harper Collins when he said, go for it. No one's done this before.

I went for it.

And he was right.

No one has done this before.

I'm writing a book no one has done before. No, its not a full length graphic novel on the Care Bears and their fight against terrorism nor is it a vampire novel with a twist.

I'm merely supporting the jazz community. How I'm doing this is not going to be revealed so much here on this blog or any blog at the moment, but all I can say is that it's going well. As for those that don't know me in the real sense of the word, I was a jazz major and musician in my previous life. I played trumpet, lead trumpet to be specific and even got to the point to where I was quite successful at gigs etc. Burn outs, children and other choices years later and I stopped playing.

So, I am channeling my abilities from my musical education at the post secondary level into writing. My new found love of whom even after almost four years, I still haven't moved past the honeymoon period.

This brings me to tonight. I'm sitting in a ballroom at this resort, and with some of the best musicians and most appreciative audiences this side of the Mississippi and I begin to think. Last night, history was played out in my town. Obama was a thunderous wave of energy to reckon with and I'll be damned if this wave of energy doesn't cause a shock that turns into a political Tsunami throughout the rest of this war between the "parties."

He spoke of changes in all aspects of this country and essentially what is so wonderfully brilliant about Obama is the fact that he wants to bring the essence of American culture back to America. And while being a part of this jazz party here, I see that its needed more than ever.

Musicians celebrated posthumously, hardly able to share their art with others for the lack of intelligent expression in this country...CD sales down, jazz literally dying. For the love of...ok, I'll end the drama.

But what Jazz really is, is a simple conversation. Benny Green played tonight. He's one of the greatest piano players of our time and if I ever win the literary lottery he may have to reside to the fact that he WILL be my nightly entertainment. But I think if every household replaced even an hour of their TV time with real, intelligent entertainment like this, we would all be in a better place for this simple choice. Maybe because of this one choice, we could all understand eachother better and get along in a way that is uncommon now and not just because of the romanticsm of a song but because this music is conversation.

It's the kind of conversation that provokes thought and evokes emotional outpouring of your inner self. The kind that after a nice glass of wine you want to unwind, reach out and connect with your spouse, friend, partner etc... Sharing the moment, relaxing and connecting, an art of itself that is seemingly lost in the technology of today. For jazz is but a conversation between the musicians. They play off of eachother, talking to one another through thoughts that need no words and let the beauty and sensuality of sound without words take over as an intelligent form of communication that moves you beyond the normal accepted modes of love and friendship. The technology of our lives is nothing compared to what could be if we just made the choice these guys make.

I call for a slow movement of our own. A cessation of the advancement and progress of technology in this sense and let the in-the-moment flavoring of jazz to take over our palettes. This is what our country was founded upon...the ability to think and to find a medium of intelligent discussion without the prejudicial thoughts of the world. What has happened? We have left it behind. And who knew it better than anyone? The slaves, the ones who brought this music to life. They were the ones considered absent of freedom and we all, knowing now what history has brought us in life lessons feel a certain intangible guilt and innate sadness knowing the past, at least I do, but we must realize that the retraction of intelligence and the opportunistic infection of stupidity has brought the slavery of stupidity back into our lives. We are slaves in our own right and in our own world. It's not about race, nationality or modality, its about the lives we think we must live and do live. But what makes jazz so beautiful and the music of America is that it transcends race, age and nationality. It is what we stand for, or at least what we should.

Jazz is a choice, intelligence is a choice, its what we do with these choices, as Rene Marie says, that define us.

Stay tuned, three more days of essays to follow based on and written and inspired by live jazz.

Yours,

Warmly yours,

Cicily

Listen up!!

2008-08-04T14:26:00.000-06:00

Friends, family and family of friends, I must pass this on and get the word out about Lisa. She's not only a great friend of mine, but honestly, I can't say I would be where I am today without her help. And that says a lot. Within a year, I've gone from being somewhat serious about a novel, to being represented from one of the most respected literary agents in NY. So, here's the message! Pass it on to everyone you know. And she's not just for writer's. Do you want to lead your own life instead of watching it pass you by? Just give her a chance. Take her for her free test drive, no strings attached, honestly...

Here's Lisa's message:::

Dear Cicily, thanks so much for helping me get the word out. I have several time slots available on my schedule, and now with yet another strike looming that will affect my husband's work, I am responsible for keeping life moving. So, to answer your question...

Who do I coach?

My poster child client is Cicily. She didn't start out as a poster child, however. She was just like you. Her novel was in bad shape, needed to be rewritten, and she didn't have time to write it. She was working a day job as a nurse. She was doubtful about her capacity and talent to write. People in her life thought it was a cute little passing hobby. I remember one of the first things she accomplished was to claim her writing space, and her writing time. Every day she would post her daily word count on the refrigerator. Her husband gradually came to see she was serious about writing. Those she was writing for, however, knew she was on fire.

Many shifts and changes followed. She got specific about the kind of work she wanted to do to make money while working on her novel and as a result, she left her day job. Her interviews with writers, artists, musicians are becoming legend, and her first writer's retreat in Vail is on schedule and full of enthusiastic writers. A relationship with a great editor, completion of her lit novel, three publishers wanting it, and now a non-fiction jazz book with so many moving parts it's mind boggling.

So now when people "Who do you work with?" or "what kind of a coach are you?" I like to say I work with people who want to be leaders in their personal and professional lives. People who want to be so inspired and in action that their visions become viral.

So that's the big stuff. Then there's the (not so) little stuff like claiming a vision, clarifying values, specifying commitments, goals and actions--and being accountable for all of it. Kick in the pants, take no prisoners accountability. Can't do the big stuff without the little stuff. In fact, I think the little stuff is the big stuff, and the big stuff is the happy result of paying attention to the little stuff.

As always, I offer a complimentary session to see if we're a good fit.
Until my new site, Humanity at Work, is up...the link below will give you a bit more info.

Lisa Gates, CPCC
Livelihood + Leadership Coach
360 Alliance Coaching
Launch a revolution in your evolution

Land: 805.969.1621
Sky: 805.448.4020
Space: www.threesixtyalliance.com

In The Moment

2008-06-25T11:19:00.003-06:00

Dear Friends,

My usual blogs will return soon enough, but in the meantime I want to point you in the direction of a writer/editor friend of mine named Elizabeth Glixman. Her blog, In The Moment is quite cool. We've been working together at Eclectica for a while now and a rather nice friendship as well as an editor/editee relationship has come out of it. But where Elizabeth really shines is her poetry works. She has published a great chap book titled, A White Girl Lynching. I'll be reviewing this soon and will post the link once its done.

As for my usual gratuitous self promotion:

Check out the retreat site: Writing Away Retreats
My review of Mulgrew Miller's Two Night Stint at Dazzle Jazz Club
Shop for The New Face of Jazz (**Come on..you know you want one! Shirts, paraphernalia and more for dogs, kids and men too...support jazz and the research and travel for the book**)
New Blog alert: I'm co-authoring a blog with a friend...Libber's Log. It's a better participate or get out kinda thing. All I can say is Mad-Libs anyone? Check it out!
Of course...my website.
Outsider Writers...contest coming up...enjoy!

Hope you all are having a super-duper summer!

Yours in sunburns, summer sun and sun in my eyes,

Cicily

Writing Away Retreats

2008-06-01T09:22:00.002-06:00

Closing Shop for a While

2008-04-29T17:23:00.004-06:00

Quote of the Week:

If being sane is thinking there's something wrong
with being different....I'd rather be completely fucking mental.
~Angelina Jolie

Current Local Weather:
Showers of too-much to do, followed
by sanity storms rising
out of the west.

Currently on my IPOD:

Crazy Bitch
~Buckcherry

Dear John,

Its been great. No, its not you, its me. Really. Don't take this the wrong way, it wasn't your mother, or your cooking, nor was it the way you acted the last night we were together after drinking twenty-two martini's.

It's just that I think you're fat. Really fat. And I also think you could stand to get a nose job, a tummy tuck and probably stand to move to another part of town because of the way you smell.

Actually, its the fact that I have TWO books going on, three if you count the follow up to the first fiction one, a retreat business to run, a household, a few billion pressing issues like dinner, dishes and the floors need to be swept, a few billion reads/interviews/reviews, matron of honor fun...

...and I'm in love with someone else.

The person I am in love with is witty, smart, charismatic, playful, writerly and is more often than not the person I should be. Instead, I have turned into a stressed out ball of red hair and tears more nights than not lately. I just need to finish up some projects, get things moving in the right direction, which they are going in now, just at an amazingly sluggish pace. So, until this side of my personality returns, I will be MIA.

Sure, email me. I have no problem with that.

Go to the retreat site: Writing Away Retreats and if you are compelled, which I think you should be as it is going to be wonderful, sign up. Upcoming retreats are going to include award winning authors, editors, agents etc. And you will have ample time for feedback and working on your craft.

I'll be back when the storm settles and my commitments have waned. Promise. I always do return. Right?

right.

Hopefully, the next time you will hear from me, I'll have an agent, a finished final draft and my sanity.

Yours in Overly Frazzledness, Over-cooked Eggs and Only One Life--Gotta Make it Right,

Cicily

My Town Monday-Cold Stoned Stupidity

2008-04-21T13:20:00.006-06:00

Yet another pictorial My Town Monday Blog from Cicily:

Except this one is in third person POV because Cicily is too angry to write in first.

Cicily has been sick. Too sick to eat for a while. Her tummy has been wanting to revolt against her due to mutant bacteria from healthy food that was probably undercooked at a restaurant in Atlanta that has decidedly taken up permanent residence in her gut. But as of the last few days, Cicily's appetite is back. After losing almost 20 lbs. she is finally eating again. And although she is taking it easy, today Cicily decided to eat something not so healthy, but rather something tasty...

So she went to the local Cold Stone Ice Cream Store.

For some Cake Batter with Brownie Chunks and maybe a little Marshmallow Cream.

And found this instead.

And this...

Cicily at the moment, hates her town. Cicily is now going to clone herself and protest.

As a matter of fact, Cicily is so angry she is going to clone her children and have them go to the public auction and raise hell in front of public officials...

There is another Cold Stone in Cicily's town but it also closed. I think I am going to adopt Travis's mindset from now on and only eat meat...wait a minute, wasn't he just in the hospital too? Alright, never mind, I'll stick to water.

Yours in Frickin Idiots, Finding My Way Down the Ice Cream Aisle and Fudge,

Cicily

New Pics of Horse Mountain Lodge/Writing Away Retreats Lodge

2008-04-16T19:08:00.015-06:00

This is where you could be sitting and working on your MS or journal or short story collection in October 2008 or May 2009....Read on....
What did you do today??? I got into the car with a very nice person whom I had never met, who is interested in the retreat , who happens to live in my hometown, and drove almost four hours each way to reach out and literally touch my dream... and it looked like this...

And this...

And this...
Literally, this was a breathtaking dream come true. I started to cry. I was overwhelmed with the beauty and the thought of being able to welcome writers into my world and help them achieve their dreams in this fabulous and too good to be true setting. Although I had seen pictures of the lodge on line and the Realtor once expressed the beauty of the lodge over the phone, there were, for once, no words to express what I touched, smelled, or laid eyes on in person. It was quite different than what I had expected. I'll start with the Realtor's directions. She stated that after driving 2.6 miles off the road, a log cabin would suddenly "appear" on the right hand side. At first, a small kinda dumpy little house (No, not the one above, this is the actual one) appeared on the right...yeah, I was thinking I had been fooled. One of those looks better online than in person things. Kinda like a personal ad for a single guy: Looking for life-long commitment, looks don't matter, I'm tall, dark, handsome with six figure income and he turns out to be short, pale, skinny and older than Stonehenge living in a trailer park with his even older mother, their twenty five shaggy dogs and surviving, just barely, I might add and on welfare...not that there's anything wrong with that.

But she was right.

Against a deserted mountain setting, a BEAUTIFUL log cabin appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Another thing she was right about was the fact that once people come to this cabin, they don't want to leave. I tried pulling the old toddler addage: YOU CAN"T MAKE ME...she said, oh yes I can. I could call the police. Yeah, I guess she's right about that.

Lining the path to the house are many, many Aspen trees. In the fall and spring, they promise to be beautiful. The house is...indescribable. A true retreat and I think if enough of us protest or pitch in maybe we won't have to ever leave. But, what I can promise is a true get away, a true retreat of luxury, peace, quiet and nothing around but surrounding nature, good company and time to hone in on your craft. If you have any comments, questions or well....anything at all, please do not hesitate to contact me at any point. Thank you for being a part of my dream. I hope to make this a memorable experience for all of you. Come and see us this October or next May at Writing Away Retreats!

Yours in Nature, Not Knowing What to Do with Myself and Never Wanting to Wake up From this Dream,

Cicily

Enjoy the pictures. But trust me...they don't even begin to tell the story...

YOU MAY FILL OUT THE FORMS TO SIGN UP FOR THE RETREAT AT ANY TIME ON THIS
SITE:

http://www.freewebs.com/literaryretreat4couples

My Town Monday-Cicily Style

2008-04-13T22:18:00.019-06:00

Quote of the Week:

Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter. I'm sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for?

~Alice Walker

Current Local Weather:

Glorious Sunshine, Warmth and Showers of
Long Lost Friends Who Finally Paid
Us A Visit

Currently on my IPOD:

Leader of the Band

~Dan Fogelberg

Dear Friends and Family of Friends and Everyone else,

Alright Travis, I joined your bandwagon...are you happy? I thought I would spice things up a bit and show you my version of My Town Monday with a pictorial blog.... Enjoy!

In my hometown aquarium (Atlanta), we can teach our children how to walk on water...

In my hometown we run into fish who claim to be Angelina Jolie's mother

We like to go for rides on the E.A.C. with Dudes from Finding Nemo

Pig Boy Doug Crandell lives in my hometown...I hung out with him and interviewed him for Art Nouveau Magazine...Weird angle for both of us. I look huge in this pic...But of course, we had pork bbq...We questioned what Cornhole tournaments were and Oh, and if you ever want to know how Doug got me lost in my hometown, just ask...Although I hadn't lived there in over twelve years, he managed to get me lost in under half an hour. Good thing both of us are laid back and good natured.

Assessed the damage the tornado's caused in downtown Atlanta...
Yes, those are all broken windows.

Where I live now, the deer have no fear! They take over large observatories by climbing over the roofs and the sides. they really don't care if its the USAF Academy. They don't even have the proper ID!

They were everywhere. I got within five feet of the deer. They
could have cared less that I was there.

People here regularly breach security and use their super human powers to stand a bunch of
airplanes end on end at the USAF Academy
(actually that's the chapel)

It's usually cold but sunny. I love to bask in the sunlight at the
Garden of the Gods under layers of sweaters and t-shirts.

If you want to have fun here in Colorado Springs
One must pay close attention to park signs...

Apparently you aren't allowed to bring scrambled eggs to the parks anymore...
Back in my day...We could scramble all we wanted, but kids these days ruined it for all of us!

This is Pikes Peak, and I was making sure it was still intact and where it should be. Everybody
in this town uses it to give directions to newbies. Like...where is the car dealership row?
Well, you head towards the mountains...and then take a left after you pass under the highway.
Where's the downtown area. You go away from the mountains and then take a right after you pass under the highway...You can never really get lost in this town. Now my real hometown...Atlanta, yep, you can get lost there in a heartbeat. Just ask Doug.

Thanks for getting me on board for this Travis and I hope you feel better soon!

Yours in My Town Mondays, Making it Something Cool and Mostly Having Fun,

Cicily

Writing Away Retreats Announcement

2008-04-10T16:41:00.004-06:00

Hey Guys...Just a quickie today. Wondering if any of you could please repost this blog in support of the writing retreats. I really appreciate any help and support I can get for this. First five people who repost this blog on theirs will get a 10 dollar gift certificate to Amazon.com. Thanks for your help! Email me at cicily@ryanjanus.com with the link to the blog post.

Thanks for your help!

WRITING AWAY RETREATS!

WRITING AWAY RETREATS

All-inclusive, luxurious, and intimate retreat
nestled in the mountains of Vail, Colorado
MS consultation and coaching sessions included in price.

Join your host, fiction and non-fiction writer: Cicily Janus
Award Winning Author: RA Nelson
Senior Acquisitions Editor for Champaign Books and Author: Lee Ann Ward
and
Life/Creative Coach: Lisa Gates

Join us for an unforgettable writing experience
against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains.

Come Write Away with us!

Space is limited to ten people.
Couples welcome and offered discount.
October 17th-21st, 2008
*Early bird special until August 1, 2008*

We hope to see you there!

Yours in Retreats, Resting and Really Doing What I Love,

Cicily